🕊️The Pain that comes with going No contact {Abuse Awareness}

Link to my YouTube https://youtu.be/qZGI5jkKiQQ

After three years of no contact I can honestly say that I feel the anointing of God’s healing power on me I can stand on my own two feet and I know it’s not my strength but Christ. Three years ago when I first went no contact I had just gotten out of a mental hospital undergoing demonic attacks I felt alone, scared, and I was tired of feeling the pain that came from me having my mother in my life. When I first cut communication it was like my mind was trying so desperately to manipulate me into believing that the abuse never happened, then I would have feelings of regret and loneliness. Instead of me acknowledging and accepting that I was abandoned, and abused by my family I would feel as though I was doing to them the very same things they had done to me. I would reverse it. It’s funny how we as humans can do that, it was like I was detoxing from a drug or coming down from a potent high.

Why do victims feel this way? How come after walking from an abusive situation, they feel the need to go back thinking things will change? The answer lies in our childhood one must acknowledge that the environment they grew up in was unnatural the only thing that would make sense is doing things that make no sense. Narcissistic parents train scapegoated children from a early age to cut ties with their original selves, they then mold them to be the physical manifestation of the pain, and anger that they feel on the inside.  When the picked party lashes out at the treatment that’s inflicted on them the whole family stares “in shock”, and amazement.  They are the only brave ones willing to fight on the battlefield this causes the narcissistic parent(abuser) to always seek out ways to keep the picked party “in their place” by using mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical abuse measures.

Things the Victim (Victor) should reflect upon while going no contact:

  • You have been brainwashed into believing that you are the reason why you are being abused and treated unfairly.
  • To not feel pain after going no contact the victor needs to understand that they need healing and to have successful healing they must leave the toxic environment completely.
  • If they cannot leave the toxic environment the victor must start renewing their minds with what the Word of God says about them, and who they are. They must also understand that the narcissistic parent is spiritually sick.
  • Realize that what the abuser says about you doesn’t define you, it just shows that the abuser is intimidated by you.

They will rise because they are HEALED BY GOD, they are victors leading other victims free! CALL ON YAHWEH RAPHA TO HEAL YOU!

FIND YOUR PASSION AFTER THE PAIN OF GOING NO CONTACT!

If the Son sets you free you will be free indeed.

John 8:36

Unforgiveness is Rooted Bitterness 🌱🌱😞

Hebrews 12:15-17 kjv

Hebrews 12:15 KJV Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;


Link to my YouTube channel https://youtu.be/F6ote2GhvmA

As a child who grew up in a abusive household I developed many unhealthy spiritual habits, and one MAJOR thing that I struggled with was unforgiveness it infected me like a cancer and I felt that I didn’t need to forgive my mother because after all she never acknowledged her wrongs. The older I got, the more I experienced hurt at the hands of my family and also others that I met I felt as though if my mother didn’t love me how can God love me? Was forgiveness necessary for me to walk with Christ? Was the hardest decision in my life actually more easier than my flesh made it feel?

I can attest that in order to have a successful relationship with Jesus Christ you MUST forgive EVERYONE even when it HURTS. Unforgiveness is actually a work of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-21 kjv) it leads to hatred and gives you a ticket straight to hell.

Our relationship with God, is built on forgiveness when we repent of our sins we are also asking for forgiveness in order to have a relationship with God. Jesus tells us in Mark 11:26: But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses kjv.

In order to experience true freedom and healing from the shackles of abuse and spiritual defeat one must be willing to forgive wrongdoings that was done to them NO MATTER how much it hurts. I know it hurts but love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8 kjv) I love Jesus Christ more than I love my pain and hurt He frees us from the bondage of bitterness.

The longer I held on to the past the more bitter I got. We have two choices in our healing process to get bitter or better.

Sit and reflect on these things:

  • Is holding in hurt and resentment worth your eternal soul in Hell? Are you justifying reasons you shouldn’t forgive someone who has wronged you, are you letting your flesh get in the way of TRUE deliverance?
  • Is your relationship with God based on an actual relationship of true love, and repentance? Are you just covering up your bitterness with empty praises and clinging to unforgiveness while slowly sinking into anger (works of the flesh)?

Bitterness is a seed that gets planted at a early age and it springs up slowly and by the time you realize that you have a problem you are in hell regretting and wishing that you would have came to Christ for healing. Most bitter people do not realize they are bitter, they are cynical they are deep rooted in the flesh and many of these people think that they are Christians. As true followers of Christ we must deny ourselves (Matthew 16:24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.)

Abuse is my cross and denying myself means that I put anger and resentment(bitterness) far from me. I will follow Christ because only He can give me deliverance, healing, and most of all LOVE. I choose not to walk in the flesh, but I will walk in the Spirit (Galatians 5:16 kjv This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.)

Repent for the kingdom of God draws near! Whatever wrong that was done to you please give it to Jesus He will handle it. True freedom come from forgiveness because it allows you to place your FULL Faith (trust) in God it leaves justice to Him (Romans 12:19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the LORD.)

Unforgivness puts up a wall between you and Jesus a wall so high that you wont be able to experience His love, and the freedom that comes with it.

FORGIVE, REPENT, AND BE SET FREE!

God is Healing 🕊️

I almost had a relapse today. I thought about all the things I went through in my childhood and how abuse made me feel so dissociated with reality. I knew this was an attack from the enemy I must be close to something that God has in store for me, and that’s my healing. People who grow up in abuse or those who become entangled in abuse often struggle with identity crisis, and most if not all tend to think that God has forgotten about them. Today I was honest with Jesus, and I told Him how I felt. How long does it take to heal? Is healing a everyday process? I am starting to believe it is everyday I must seek to be renewed and not conformed to the world, and also not letting my past dictate me.

I will stand on His Word, I will be unafraid. I’m tired of being flaky I understand now that my flakiness is a result of the trauma that I went through in my childhood. It causes me not to trust easily, it causes me to run from everyone including my Creator it leaves me with permanent fig leaves that I want removed. I’m tired of hiding. I’m tired of hurting. I just want You Lord to Heal me I just want to be grounded in You and Your Love. Please Lord be my Yahweh Rapha, I know you will only be if I allow you too. Remove these fig leaves from me. Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.{♥}

I chose to stand on this, In Jesus Christ name AMEN!

Reflecting on me going no contact from my family: Reasons you should too. [My Testimony included]

This Spring made three years of me going no contact with my family that includes everyone in my family I remember that day in Spring in 2017 I had just gotten out of a psych ward (that my mother helped put me in) when we returned home my husband and I had no money, and little food I also lost my job during this time. I was left dealing with pieces of my broken, and unstable spirit I felt betrayed, alone, and unloved on many levels I also got the answer to the question that often plagued my mind my whole childhood “Does my mother love me?” I knew after this experience that if she didn’t truly hate me she sure acted the part that’s when reality sinked in.

Before going no contact I was on a roller-coaster trying to decipher truth from lies I was a smoker, and a marijuana addict who sometimes dabbled in alcoholism trying so hard to blend into a family that seemed to do me more harm than good. I was trying so hard to heal that broken, and abused girl in the best way I knew how with fleshly desires she had so much trauma that she figured God could never love her.

In 2017, I suffered a major demonic attack as I’m typing this message I’m sure you are facing something too, we all are but during this time in 2017 I seen demonic things, heard demonic things, and I seen the depth of how lost and demonically controlled my family was how much hatred my mother actually held for me and how much resentment she really had towards me (for no reason). I understand now that it was just a cover up for how jealous she was of me my family exploited me, abandoned me, had others laughing and mocking me. I even walked in on her calling the hospital to come get me and pick me up to take me away.

I felt scared, and confused my mother claimed she knew Jesus but after this experience I seen how far away from the truth she actually was. She had no truth her conscious was seared with a hot iron her and everyone else in my family they were like anchors keeping me under water not allowing me to float to the top in order to keep from drowning. Three years. The breaking point for me was when I got out of the mental institution( a hotbed for demonic activity different story, different day) my family never called, never checked up on me NO ONE CARED I felt so alone and ashamed going through the incident that I just experienced.

As I stated before we had nothing no money, no food, and I lost my job. So I did what any child would have done I called my mother to ask for help when she answered the phone I could hear the disgust and distain in her voice my heart was beating out of my chest (over 40.00 mind you). What started my no contact decision was when I went to go pick up the money that I wanted to borrow from her and I seen an awe inspiring look of demonic evil and hatred on her face it was like she hated the fact that she had to lend her mentally broken daughter a hand. It made me so upset how she acted like I done her something wrong in reality I was just breaking down from the years of abuse that she took me through a lot of things bubbled to the surface.

After that day in 2017 I left my family alone I changed my number shortly after I then started my journey towards Christ. I dealt with my own demons some that I let in and others that were passed to me through trauma. Going no contact has given me a feeling of liberation, and it has freed me from the chains of maternal narcissism (Jezebel family system) like many children who grow up in this type of environment you may carry around repressed anger. Little things may trigger you to go back into a child’s safe mode, self-hatred is normal for you and you will feel either resentment towards God or refuse His love on the account that you were never shown love properly or in a healthy way.

Deciding to walk away doesn’t mean your weak it just means you need to heal it just means you decide to honor Jesus correctly. Should you stay in a dysfunctional family system that is out of order and robs you of your God given purpose? A system that is against God? I am still on my healing journey I find myself some days feeling inadequate I rely on Jesus daily to take away my shame, and anger only HE can do that. This process doesn’t happen overnight but it does get better once you submit to His will over your life I deal with depression sometimes, but I praise God because NOW I know this is a trick and tool of the enemy to keep me distracted from my God given purpose, and calling the authority He gives me through Jesus Christ.

Many of us will come to this point in our spiritual walk (especially when dealing with toxic family member) that Jesus means more to you than your struggles and pain from abuse. Jesus says in Matthew 10:37-38 kjv

37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

38 And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.

Whats your cross? Only you know that. I deal with the feelings of not having a family that loved me, not having a mother to validate me. Other vices that sometimes permeates through. But I have an advocate His name is Jesus Christ (1 John 2:2 kjv) There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus we do not praise and worship Jesus Christ based off our righteousness but His.

God knows how many tears I have cried and he knows how many you have cried also.

Psalm 56:8 8Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?

The world takes up for it’s own, but God protects what is His don’t stay around and in the cycle of abuse it will only leave you feeling empty and angry at God (I struggled with that Praise God for deliverance)

Just meditate on these scriptures

1 Peter 5:7 7Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. [when you feel anxious]

Psalm 27:10 10When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up. [when you father and mother abandon you or they are abusers}

REMEMBER! The devil attacks the strongest in the bunch not the weakest

It’s not that Hard 😇🙏🏽

“El Shaddai, My Strength and My Redeemer. Thank You Jesus!

Praising God… It’s not that Hard

Praying to God…. It’s not that Hard

Trusting God…. It’s not that Hard

Pleasing God….. It’s not that Hard

Waiting on God….. It’s not that Hard

Loving God…… It’s not that Hard

Seeking God…. It’s not that Hard

Listening to God… It’s not that Hard

Don’t Harden your heart… He loves you.

Praise You Lord Jesus Christ [Yeshua Hamashiach], Thank you for redeeming me and saving me I love you.🔥❤️️

* If you don’t trust in God, Who do you trust in?

*If you don’t believe in God, Who do you believe in?

*If you don’t have hope in God, Who is your hope in?

** Good luck with that**

As For Me And My House We Will Serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15.

We need you now more than ever Jesus.

Dedee 🌺

Sabbath Songs: God be Merciful, To Dedee A Sinner.🙇🏽‍♀️

Lord, the world doesn’t believe Your real

It doesn’t matter because I can feel

Change my soul, please make me whole

I want my name in the Book of Life, I long for the days where we will be without strife

Sometimes it looks so grim, somedays I feel as though I won’t win

I look to Christ , and I acknowledge His SACRIFICE what He did on the Cross

How He kept my soul from being lost

The world laughs, the world mocks a lot of people will surely rock

Every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess

I will put my trust in You because that’s BEST

Glorious King! You shall come, Let us all praise The Risen One (Christ)

Please Be Merciful to Dedee A Sinner, I trust that You Lord will make her a winner.

She will tell her story, because it’s drenched in Your glory.

Thank You Lord for Loving Me!

Praise You Christ, for staying near me.

Selah 🌸

Sabbath Songs: Volume 3 Songs to sing to Yahweh on the Sabbath

Witness Wednesday: Self Hatred

Recovering from my childhood trauma has taught me many things, but one thing that has stuck with me is that it was better for me to go to Christ when I was broken rather than going to Him when I figured I was “whole”. For a long time I struggled, and some days I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy I often have self-hatred come in to try to take me captive the more I dealt with these feelings the more I realized that I changed God into this same image that I projected onto myself.

Why do we as humans do this? Why do we anker Christ onto feelings that we feel about ourselves? Resulting in us burning bridges before they are built. Will we ever be good enough? That depends what is your definition of “good”? Have you defined good as a state of perfection that cannot be made manifested in a fallen society? Are you willing to accept that Christ loves us unconditional no matter what, and despite the fact we weren’t good enough He still died for us. Resulting in you accepting His offer by changing how you see Him seeing His sacrifice as a reason on why you should be good rather than why you need to be good.

Everyone deserves to be loved, it’s the hallmark of a humans existence what more can a person ask for? Question is, Do you allow God to love you? Or do you push Him away with your own feelings of self-hatred? When people speak of God do you imagine hatred or do you see love manifested on the cross?

Hebrews 4:15 kjv

Maybe you think I’m foolish because I believe in Christ. Honestly I don’t care what you think, but I will tell you this I’m a BORN again sinner whose in a battle just like you. I’m tired of fighting with my own carnal devices I’m choosing to stick to a Savior who understands my weaknesses and that my fellow reader is where I get my strength from.

We all fall short, it just depends on what you do once you get up……

Witness Wednesday: Volume 1

Sabbath Songs: Praise 🌼

Selah

Praise

Come Let us Praise Our King!

Come Let us sing to Thee.

O Glorious El Shaddai, Please Lord don’t pass us by.

The world is growing so ever dark but let all your children board the ark.

Keep your sheep from going astray. Let us remain strong during these last days.

Let revelation of Your love pour out! Let the world shake and tremble when You come about!

Christ is risen and He is King! I praise the Lord because He has redeemed me. I am redeemed by the cross. I am redeemed by the blood. I praise because I am so loved from above.

Come! Let us praise Christ the King. His joy will make you want to sing.

He will wipe away tears, and He shall erase all fears. I am starting to understand that My Lord holds me dear, so there is no need to fear.

His praise shall remain on my lips! His praise shall go forth as sweet incense!

Let us Be Still and Know! Because we have a God of Hope!

Praise! Praise You Yahweh forever more!

Selah.

Sabbath Songs: Praise Volume 1. Thank you Most High God for choosing me Dedee. 🌼