Deliverance From Dysfunction {💌} Testimony included **

Link to my youtube: https://youtu.be/Lei8RdYyghM

Until recently I was not honest with myself. I lied to God and I also lied to myself. I decided to investigate the mirror, and I accepted that the abuse afflicted on me left me with scars. Deep scars that turned into major issues. Issues that permeated to the top every now and again. You see I reached a crossroad where I could not let nor afford to let my past keep me prisoner, I did not want to be a hostage to pain anymore. I figured I was okay, and the damage caused was not that serious. I have come to realize that being alive is more than just breathing. God wants us to experience Him in many ways and to see how much love He really has for us in ways that we have not known. I was broken, disheveled, and I lost my sense of self. Who was I? Where was I going? Does God love me? What exactly is love?

I reached a major point in my relationship with Jesus and I couldn’t bear it anymore I told him how I felt I told Him how I was scared, how hurt I was, and how I wanted Him close but I was anxious. You see, I was never honest with Him about how I truly felt about my mother I just pushed all my feelings down so far that when they did resurface I would shut down and become flaky, flighty, and apathetic towards everyone including myself and towards my Savior and Redeemer Jesus. It was revealed to me that I developed a hatred for my mother, a resentment towards my childhood and a strong distain towards people who dismissed my feelings as mere imaginations and something that I should just get over.

My hurt led to hatred, which resulted in bitterness which resulted in me hating myself and doing things that not only affected others in my surroundings but also myself. The best thing I ever did was accept it I accepted the fact that I was abused I was done wrong, and that people who haven’t went through what I went through will not empathize with me nor give me the sympathy that I so desperately crave. Only Jesus can do that, and only God will allow that. On that beautiful day when I came under attack from not only the enemy but also my former self, I decided to pick up my CROSS.

When I think of my mother, and others who also have similar stories what is the end result? Will we as survivors or victims keep the cycle going, or will we deny ourselves? Jesus suffered and died on the cross for nothing He did wrong. So, who are we? I learned on that faithful day that life isn’t fair, and interestingly it isn’t supposed to be if it was fair or “perfect” we wouldn’t need Jesus, now would we?

You have two options, but one choice. You can be a victim who turns into a victimizer, or you can be a victor who leads others to victory and that is Gods plan for us. You see, I just recently (like a week ago) understood how much Yahweh loves me. Jesus knew how I felt towards my mother (and family) He was waiting for me to be honest with Him, and to tell Him how I truly felt, and I won’t lie when I told Him how I truly felt I felt a HUGE burden get lifted off my spirit.

That is when I felt our relationship began to blossom into something deeper. When I began to open my heart to Him.

As His Word says, “Casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you”. {1 Peter 5:7 kjv}

Jesus Christ knows everything we have been through, and He also understands how we feel. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet he did not sin”. {Hebrews 4:15 KJV}

The point of me telling (writing) my testimony is this: Tell Jesus the truth, your soul depends on it.

May God bless you and keep you on your healing journey. DanYah “Dedee” ❤

📜I Am Learning…🎓

“Praise God for His Healing”

As a abuse survivor I have learned these two things: 1.) That healing is a journey that no one can help you with except Christ, and YOU ALONE must venture on this journey ALONE (with Christ of course.) and 2.)That if you do not get healing from your abuse it can lead you to be filled with bitterness, and resentment not only for your abuser, but you will also resent others who when you tell them your story they quickly shut you out and tell you to get over your abuse without them trying to understand why you feel the way you feel. So what does this mean, and why should healing be important to a abuse victim/survivor? It is important to point out that The Most High God in Heaven never intended for children to be abused let alone abused by their own parents. This creates confusion in the child from a early age it creates a root of bitterness that can last well into adulthood if it is not healed properly. The victim must be willing to walk on this path alone carrying the cross that seems heavy at first, but over time provides them with power of understanding that they do have the strength to overcome through Christ Jesus.

When the Holy Spirit hit me I was in shock, I cried like the little girl I once was when He touched my heart to understand it all started to make sense. That’s when the memories came flooding back into my mind they came rushing like water that pours down from the sky on a rainy day, you know that rain that doesn’t seem to go away but somehow you get comfort in hearing it fall from the sky? Yeah, that’s what I started to experience as I asked God to reveal to me the error in not only my mother’s ways but also the error in my ways there is a scripture in the word that says”, With thy getting get understanding“.

My mother was a woman who was also abused by her mother, she was also grew up without her father or without ever knowing who he was. She was also battling the hurt of her inner child, my mother was like so many other women who come out of these childhood settings. They translate their weaknesses onto their children leaving them feeling shame and bitterness that was first felt by the original abuser the children who get a taste of the anguish never really escape the feelings that was transmitted onto them until they heal. She actually emulated to us what had been done to her the same hurts, and agonies that plagued her she simply passed them on instead of her voicing her hurt or calling out to Christ for healing she tried to pretend so desperately that everything was okay.

In Jesus Christ Name Amen

I hurt, and I cry a lot not only for me and not only for my mother but for all the victims of abuse that also go through this. The effects that it leaves in a victims heart leaves them plagued with loneliness, and desolation and that is just what the enemy wants for you to feel. Loneliness and traumatized without fully understanding that Christ can truly fill the void in your heart. His word says that he will give you a new heart, and that when you are in Christ you are a new creation and that is something that the enemy doesn’t want you to partake in. He doesn’t want you having the strength that God Himself ordained you to have as His Word states, “I Can Do All Things Through Christ That Strengths Me”(Philippians 4:13) and that includes having the strength to understand. One must be willing to allow the Holy Spirit to overflow in them so proper healing and mending can take place, I had to let him open my heart to gain understanding in why my mother was so abusive without feeling anger, and hurt. So the questions I have to the abuse survivor is this, Do you think that your problems are too big for Yahweh to solve? That your hurts are to great for Him to heal? Regardless of what anyone tells you the most important decision you can make as a abuse victim is to let Jesus Christ come into your heart so that proper healing can take place.

Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.(Matthew 16:24)

Pick one of these for yourself: Victor Vs. Victim, Pain vs. Power, Life Vs. Death, Good vs. Evil. Healing Vs Hurting. Righteousness vs. Wickness.

Forgiveness sets you free from keeping the cycle of abuse going.

Choose this day what garbage you will let fill up your home. I chose to let Jesus Christ Heal my Heart, and Mind from the abuse that plagued me. He made me a Victor of childhood abuse, He broke the chains so that I will not keep the cycle going but instead I will prevent it. I am healing from not only my childhood abuse but also my mothers childhood abuse. I have forgiven because I know that I have God’s Glory in my story and with that I will say Amen.

Have A Blessed Day

🐝❤🆔Battered & Beaten But Not Left Forsaken👑💎

Psalms 27:10 KJV

My siblings let me get beat looking back I’m not surprised honestly we all got beat but I feel, and know that I got the worst of it. The most my siblings ever did was capitalize off my punishment, by adding their own twisted pacification to the abuse that occurred from our narc mother. Like all debased narc families this is the reality of the scapegoated child it wasn’t until I went no contact that all the memories came rushing like a flood gate. Growing up my mother would beat into my head that I was evil, unworthy, and designed for destruction. It’s funny how the narc can make you feel so broken when in reality they hate you because of the purity your souls radiates, there are too many incidents to recall with my narc mother and may of these incidents are looked at as “normal” not only in society but also in my culture. The one incident that will forever stick with me is the one that started the breaking process it progressed into me becoming a rattled child, and a disgruntled young adult always looking for a way to fill the whole in my soul and to put out the fiery pain I felt.

Being in a narcassitic family does that to you whether your a scapegoat(like me), a golden child or a lost child abuse hits us all the same way we all grow up feeling a loss of something that your narc either stole from us or have guilt they purposely placed there that was really something they owned. it breaks an individual down to nothing.So what must one do? Turn to the Most High because as His word says”Psalms 27:10- When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up” The Lord is so merciful that he even states that, “As I was with Moses, so will I be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. (Joshua 1:5)

“His word will never return back void, he will turn your pain into POWER

The Most High promises that He will never leave us nor FORSAKEN us, but unfortunately in the situation of a narcissistic family they forsake you, and leave you destroyed spiritually, mentally, and emotionally all the while disguising their abuse as love or something that they try to convey as normalcy. Now does The Most High really want us to be around abusers and tormentors it doesn’t make sense, why would The Most High want us to deal with something that contradicts His word? Honestly it never made sense to me when my mother would tell meYou only get one momma, and baby your gonna always need your momma , all the while with every beating she placed on me it felt like she was aiming to destroy my morality. It also shouldn’t make sense to you because growing up in these types of settings can make an individual feel devalued and belittled, so as the word says (“For what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness”– 2 Corinthians 6:14)

If you have a toxic family, or even if your in a toxic relationship ask yourself this ” Should I let this person invade my spirit, should I let them drain me of my energy? Am I even comfortable around this person or these people? Is this environment taking more out of me than it’s giving me?”. Be honest with yourselves search deep within yourself, as I know from personal experience it will NEVER CHANGE, and sadly over the years the abuse just gets more destructive, and disastrous. The only one you can change in this type of situation is yourself, and you can’t do it alone you need the healing, and help that the good Lord Himself provides because He doesn’t ask for much in return.

Sadly the wounds that are left from abuse only get bigger if you don’t leave these people out of your life I mean seriously the Lord loves His children to much to let us get abused continually (even in our adult years). These toxic people aren’t even walking in the light they don’t even have the love of the Father in their hearts they hate truth, and they also hate that which is GOOD. That’s the abusers aim to get you off track and to have you thinking your crazy all the while, they manipulate and exploit their victims leaving them confused and filled with self-doubt, and zero confidence. They steal your spiritual worth all while laughing all the way to the bank, don’t go spiritual bankrupt call on the name of The Lord, and you shall be saved He can and will heal you from the wounds and pain of the abuse.

Until Next Time on “Talks with Danyah”Dee” 🐝🐝❤

– Thank you for reading ❤

Owned && Written by (TalkswithDanYah)