10 Reasons You Should Go No Contact from Toxic Family in 2021! 🥳

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  1. You realize they use scripture as a weapon and often MISQUOTE IT to make you submit to their evils. Everything they say and do goes against the Word of God and when you do point this out to them, they take it as your trying to be “holier than thou”, or that you think you are better than them. The Word allows you to see through them and they do not like that. (Example: They are QUICK to throw up the 17-year-old you when you are 32… or they tell you that since you are not honoring them you will die early, but they leave out how parents should not provoke their children to anger)
  2. When you need help you are often ignored, mistreated, or made to feel like a burden you are often the one who gets called upon when others need assistance. Your help is always wanted if not EXPECTED. (Your questions and concerns often get dismissed as useless complaints.)
  3. Dealing with your toxic mother, father, siblings etc. takes more out of you than you can bear you often have a pensive attitude towards them. (Pensive definition- feeling sad while deep in thought) You often question yourself as to why your family treats you so bad, when you really do not do anything that contributes to their abuse questions turn into tears that fall down your face.
  4. When you have approached your family members about the toxicity, and dysfunction they sweep it under the rug, and downplay your concerns they typically take up for the abuser(s) and throw them a pity party to make your feel stupid for even questioning their evil.
  5. The more you think about your childhood, the more you realize that you were set up for failure. Family prized demoralized behavior, and worshipped abuse under the guise of love. You were not taught about real world values to help you succeed as an adult.
  6. When you try to get your life right (Examples: Getting closer to Yahweh, getting off drugs, going to school, eating right and working out, getting married and starting a family etc.) They do all they can to destroy any ounce of positivity in your life it is like they sit back and devise plans to destroy your happiness they frown on you making righteous decisions ESPECIALLY if you are moving into a direction where you will NO LONGER be dependent on them. (Which leads me to number 7)
  7. They want you to be dependent on them so that they can control you, and the moment when you show any ounce of independence instead of being happy for you (like any healthy person would be) they do all they can to destroy your progress. (Examples: telling you that you will fail, cursing you (my mother did this to me), starting fights with you, turning people against you with lies and speculation)
  8. They do not want you to grow, and when you do show signs of growing, they have no problem showing you how jealous and envious they are of you. (All the while making comments about how they are not jealous of you)
  9. As you get older you start to realize that they do not know you at all. They take more from you than they give. Your kindness is often mistaken for weakness, and love is replaced with angst. (Angst- a feeling of anxiety, apprehension, or insecurity.)
  10. They never take accountability for their behavior, they never own up to their mistakes, and they are quick to blame YOU for the pain that they afflicted on you. **WARNING- THIS IS A MANIPULATION TACTIC STRONG WITCHCRAFT. (Example: When I was 17 my mother kicked me out on the street, and I was living in a homeless shelter (that she dropped me off too) she would always tell me that it was my fault that she kicked me out and she had to do it because I was destroying her home, I would then feel bad, and apologize along with blaming myself for being homeless.)

*Special Edition* Sabbath Songs: Freedom 🎈👩🏽‍🎓

Lord, what is a man that You are mindful of Him? As humans we want so much but all we really need is You and the freedom only You can give. I’m confused El Shaddai as I type this I have tears come into my eyes. Give me freedom from this fallen vessel and from this dark world, only You can give me peace and perfect stillness that captivates my Soul. Where am I going Lord? Who am I going to encounter I am praying Jesus that I see You soon I am hoping that I can get a drink from Your everlasting Spirit. I need You Lord, I need You more than ever right now I need guidance Lord I need You to show me the way YOUR way. I have been lazy lately forgive me El Shaddai please Lord don’t pass me by Lord seal my head be my shield Lord cover me with your perfect peace still.

Only You can give me freedom, and only to You I look for my freedom. It’s not about protest, it’s not about money. It’s not about a job promotion. No it’s about You and the comfort You provide I want to sit in Your presence Lord I want to experience the freedom that only You can give. I want to be still and know that YOU ARE GOD. Forgive me Lord for everything I have every did wrong to You and others. Help me to stay strong in You Jesus. Lord let me remain in You. Lord my Spirit cries out for You. Lord. I wait for thee…..

Please Lord Come Near me…. I need You more than ever. Your Love. Your Comfort. Your guidance. In Jesus Christ Name I pray. Amen (so Be it)

Dedee

Narcissistic Mother: Can God Love Me?

My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth. – 1 John 3:18 Kjv

Love. What is love? Can love be taught, or does it come naturally to people? Growing up in my abusive narcissistic household I figured love was more of a superficial thing meaning words don’t have to match actions. If I got hit accept it because I love you, if I berate you deal with it because I love you after all I’m your mother and I know what’s “best” for you. As it says in the Word “Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise). Love. What is it? Can someone explain it to me? When I was younger I at times felt a lot of guilt because I didn’t have love towards my narcissistic mother I felt ashamed at the fact that I actually resented her, and at one point I actually hated her.

I was never really shown love properly I was shown dysfunction and treated with extreme toxicity to the point that I forgot who I was before I actually knew who I was. I was more or less shown destructive treatment over trivial things that children sometimes did resulting in me sinking deeper, and deeper into myself to hide how hurt and angry I was. Beaten with belt buckles, stripped down to be beaten with extension cords, woken up to be made to sleep outside, and slapped down in front of family at family functions the list of toxicity goes on and on. As I write this tears flood my eyes, as victims of abuse we often question, and ask if God could ever love us. Can The Most High really wipe away the hurt and pain that we feel? Or is God just like my abuser? I mean what is love? Does it even exist?

I actually felt like if His love was anything like my mother’s love then I didn’t want it. When Jesus Christ was upon the earth He never told His disciples that He loved them He let His actions show that He loved them, as the old saying goes “actions speak louder than words”. Going no contact helped me understand that His love isn’t like the cheap superficial love that we get from the world. He also helped me understand that my mother had a lot of hurt in her heart, a lot of pain that she was withholding and instead of going to Christ for healing she chose to push all that pain unto a child that reminded her of herself, and that child was me. I decided that I’m not going to look at myself through the eyes of my mother anymore I am leaving that part of me in the past because being in Christ I am a new creation.

Just think about it.. How can your abuser give you something that wasn’t given to them? How can you receive comfort from someone who was only given chaos? That’s like breaking a doves wing and expecting it to fly… it’s not gonna happen. Hurt people only know how to hurt people it’s not your fault they were hurt the only hurt you can take care of is your own and the only One who can help is Christ. Can the Most High love you? Certainly! Can the Most High wash away those feeling of shame and guilt? Most definitely only if YOU LET HIM! He can love You more than your human mind can fathom, matter of fact He is the embodiment of LOVE. He even tells us how love is, and how it should be “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 kjv

Trust Me, God Understands and He knows how you feel. No need to feel guilt and shame that isn’t even yours to begin with. May He comfort you on your healing journey as you walk this narrow path. Amen