My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth. – 1 John 3:18 Kjv
Love. What is love? Can love be taught, or does it come naturally to people? Growing up in my abusive narcissistic household I figured love was more of a superficial thing meaning words don’t have to match actions. If I got hit accept it because I love you, if I berate you deal with it because I love you after all I’m your mother and I know what’s “best” for you. As it says in the Word “Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise). Love. What is it? Can someone explain it to me? When I was younger I at times felt a lot of guilt because I didn’t have love towards my narcissistic mother I felt ashamed at the fact that I actually resented her, and at one point I actually hated her.
I was never really shown love properly I was shown dysfunction and treated with extreme toxicity to the point that I forgot who I was before I actually knew who I was. I was more or less shown destructive treatment over trivial things that children sometimes did resulting in me sinking deeper, and deeper into myself to hide how hurt and angry I was. Beaten with belt buckles, stripped down to be beaten with extension cords, woken up to be made to sleep outside, and slapped down in front of family at family functions the list of toxicity goes on and on. As I write this tears flood my eyes, as victims of abuse we often question, and ask if God could ever love us. Can The Most High really wipe away the hurt and pain that we feel? Or is God just like my abuser? I mean what is love? Does it even exist?
I actually felt like if His love was anything like my mother’s love then I didn’t want it. When Jesus Christ was upon the earth He never told His disciples that He loved them He let His actions show that He loved them, as the old saying goes “actions speak louder than words”. Going no contact helped me understand that His love isn’t like the cheap superficial love that we get from the world. He also helped me understand that my mother had a lot of hurt in her heart, a lot of pain that she was withholding and instead of going to Christ for healing she chose to push all that pain unto a child that reminded her of herself, and that child was me. I decided that I’m not going to look at myself through the eyes of my mother anymore I am leaving that part of me in the past because being in Christ I am a new creation.
Just think about it.. How can your abuser give you something that wasn’t given to them? How can you receive comfort from someone who was only given chaos? That’s like breaking a doves wing and expecting it to fly… it’s not gonna happen. Hurt people only know how to hurt people it’s not your fault they were hurt the only hurt you can take care of is your own and the only One who can help is Christ. Can the Most High love you? Certainly! Can the Most High wash away those feeling of shame and guilt? Most definitely only if YOU LET HIM! He can love You more than your human mind can fathom, matter of fact He is the embodiment of LOVE. He even tells us how love is, and how it should be “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 kjv
Trust Me, God Understands and He knows how you feel. No need to feel guilt and shame that isn’t even yours to begin with. May He comfort you on your healing journey as you walk this narrow path. Amen
Healing takes time, and despite what many people would like you to believe it only up to YOU to understand and conquer your own healing process. Effects from childhood trauma/abuse stays with the recipient long after the abuse was administered. Well anyways here is my list of “Ten things I learned while healing from Childhood Abuse”. May Yahweh Bless you on your healing journey.
The best things in life are Christ. (He makes you free)
Resting on Christ’s word is the ULTIMATE therapy in gaining healing from abuse.
Being the bigger person isn’t easy but it’s worth it in the end Yahweh will only judge you based off your actions not the actions of another person.
Many people won’t understand you (don’t expect them to) Yahweh understands you and that’s the only thing that matters
It’s up to YOU to either break the cycle of abuse, or to keep the cycle going.
Don’t let abuse make you bitter, instead opt for BETTER.
Abuse makes you more aware of how truly toxic people can be and it sharpens your discernment skills as well.
What people say or think about you doesn’t even matter, people who are quick to make warped judgements DO NOT KNOW YOU they certainly don’t know the struggles you have overcome.
While they label, LAUGH you are STRONGER than you appear, and WISER than you seem.
Good days and bad days (everyone had them) it’s up to you to push through with a smile or a frown.
This is a list that I have complied of ten things that I have learned while healing from my childhood abuse. Life happens, and it happens HARD sometimes. I found that crying out to The Most High Yahweh helps me tremendously, He gives me profound strength in this hard world. I pray my list motivates you and encourage you to see the rainbow in the sky, because after all in order to see the rainbow you must first get through the rain. ❤ May Christ comfort you all. Danyah. ❤
As a abuse survivor I have learned these two things: 1.) That healing is a journey that no one can help you with except Christ, and YOU ALONE must venture on this journey ALONE (with Christ of course.) and 2.)That if you do not get healing from your abuse it can lead you to be filled with bitterness, and resentment not only for your abuser, but you will also resent others who when you tell them your story they quickly shut you out and tell you to get over your abuse without them trying to understand why you feel the way you feel. So what does this mean, and why should healing be important to a abuse victim/survivor? It is important to point out that The Most High God in Heaven never intended for children to be abused let alone abused by their own parents. This creates confusion in the child from a early age it creates a root of bitterness that can last well into adulthood if it is not healed properly. The victim must be willing to walk on this path alone carrying the cross that seems heavy at first, but over time provides them with power of understanding that they do have the strength to overcome through Christ Jesus.
When the Holy Spirit hit me I was in shock, I cried like the little girl I once was when He touched my heart to understand it all started to make sense. That’s when the memories came flooding back into my mind they came rushing like water that pours down from the sky on a rainy day, you know that rain that doesn’t seem to go away but somehow you get comfort in hearing it fall from the sky? Yeah, that’s what I started to experience as I asked God to reveal to me the error in not only my mother’s ways but also the error in my ways there is a scripture in the word that says”, With thy getting get understanding“.
My mother was a woman who was also abused by her mother, she was also grew up without her father or without ever knowing who he was. She was also battling the hurt of her inner child, my mother was like so many other women who come out of these childhood settings. They translate their weaknesses onto their children leaving them feeling shame and bitterness that was first felt by the original abuser the children who get a taste of the anguish never really escape the feelings that was transmitted onto them until they heal. She actually emulated to us what had been done to her the same hurts, and agonies that plagued her she simply passed them on instead of her voicing her hurt or calling out to Christ for healing she tried to pretend so desperately that everything was okay.
I hurt, and I cry a lot not only for me and not only for my mother but for all the victims of abuse that also go through this. The effects that it leaves in a victims heart leaves them plagued with loneliness, and desolation and that is just what the enemy wants for you to feel. Loneliness and traumatized without fully understanding that Christ can truly fill the void in your heart. His word says that he will give you a new heart, and that when you are in Christ you are a new creation and that is something that the enemy doesn’t want you to partake in. He doesn’t want you having the strength that God Himself ordained you to have as His Word states, “I Can Do All Things Through Christ That Strengths Me”(Philippians 4:13) and that includes having the strength to understand. One must be willing to allow the Holy Spirit to overflow in them so proper healing and mending can take place, I had to let him open my heart to gain understanding in why my mother was so abusive without feeling anger, and hurt. So the questions I have to the abuse survivor is this, Do you think that your problems are too big for Yahweh to solve? That your hurts are to great for Him to heal? Regardless of what anyone tells you the most important decision you can make as a abuse victim is to let Jesus Christ come into your heart so that proper healing can take place.
Pick one of these for yourself: Victor Vs. Victim, Pain vs. Power, Life Vs. Death, Good vs. Evil. Healing Vs Hurting. Righteousness vs. Wickness.
Choose this day what garbage you will let fill up your home. I chose to let Jesus Christ Heal my Heart, and Mind from the abuse that plagued me. He made me a Victor of childhood abuse, He broke the chains so that I will not keep the cycle going but instead I will prevent it. I am healing from not only my childhood abuse but also my mothers childhood abuse. I have forgiven because I know that I have God’s Glory in my story and with that I will say Amen.
Growing up in my childhood home I always felt a sense of emptiness that still creeps up every now and again just to make me feel a little if not a lot of insecurity. I never was shown genuine love, and now as a woman in my mid 20’s I feel awkward when people display acts of kindness for me, or even when they show how much they appreciate and love me. A abuse victim normally goes through this cycle in their life sometimes they feel so paranoid that everyone is just like their abuser, aiming to steal, kill ,and destroy you with every move they make. Its not hard for me to accept that with the way I was raised it became evident to me that it was hard for me to distinguish good from bad, light from darkness, and sweet from bitter.
Im starting to learn on my healing path with Christ that we as individuals seem to only accept the love that we think we deserve not the love we should have, not only love but thoughts and people we surround ourselves with. I’ve learned that how we treat each other reflects how The Most High will treat us because as His word says you “Reap what you sow” love and kindness does get you far not only with people, but with the Creator Himself. If you treat people with loyalty, and respect it will in turn be handed back to you, if you spread out positivity, and love you will also get it back. As people we tend to attract what we are so ask yourself “What am I attracting to myself, or what do I think I deserve in my life?”
It’s funny because I get called sensitive a lot, and people think that I take small things to heart too much, but honestly I’m just in tune to my feelings I’m aware of who I am as a person. That I wont be tied down by abuse anymore, and that I don’t have to accept being mistreated by anyone,and if something hurts or if I’m hurting I will make it known because in this day and age many people are so disconnected from their true selves that they don’t even know who they are. I aim to look at the power in my pain, and to rely on the Lord for my strength because whether any man wants to admit it or not Yahweh is The One who keeps this whole place running, and if He be for me who can be against me?
His word tells me” He will never leave me, nor forsake me“, and I believe them desperately I wont lie to you not even to Him sometimes my past hurts me sometimes I still feel like that little abused girl whose looking for her mother to approve of her, but instead all I’m left with is a woman who was left broken by her abusive mother who was also broken. A woman who will patiently wait for the Lord to deliver her, and to redeem her from her struggles that plague her day to day. I decided that I wont go back because now I’m old enough to stand for what’s true and genuine I used to let my past influence how I treated others, but why be bitter? People often don’t understand me, but that’s okay I’ve learned to do the one thing that most, and many people never learn to do and that is acceptance of self. I accept the way I look, talk, walk, and feel I know that The Most High created us all differently and that’s the most amazing and beautiful thing about being human.
That’s the main reason I treat everyone with sweetness because so many people choose bitterness not because that’s what they want, but because that’s all they were ever shown. So I as a conscious human make the choice to be kind even when bitterness is placed in my path because in doing so I reap the rewards of an eternal Yahweh that is always present, and is always looking out to reward His children not only with gifts but love also. I’m just hoping that the human reading my post also chooses sweetness because it only takes a second to make someone smile, and kindness is a drug worth sharing. Thanks for reading I hope you received edification from this today. Do you agree or disagree? Let me know 🙏🏾💝
Thank You for reading my blog post! Please remember to love yourself because The Most High Loves you. Have a blessed day!!💝
That’s one thing I finally understand the Lord spoke that into my spirit He whispered it quietly to me as I was sitting outside with Him during our morning coffee time. He whispered “Hurt people Hurt people and healed people heal people” He also guided me to a scripture :
Ephesians 4:18They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts.
Hurt people Hurt people if you think about it if a person is full of love they love people, if they are full of hope they spread hope to people.Unfortunately in the world we live in a world it is slowly being dominated by narcissistic people, a lot of people are desensitized, and nonreactive to the suffering of others. The pain that they carry in their hearts overwhelms their reasoning of sound judgement of right, and wrong we are currently living in a world where people are running out of hope, and also love for Christ.
One thing that I’m starting to understand on my healing journey is that my abusers/ flying monkey’s/enablers/bullies hurt people because they HURT. Being a victim of abuse themselves, or being used in abuse leaves a person feeling confused, empty, hollow,and alone. Do I hurt? Honestly some days are better than others, but I feel like The Most High God in Heaven has me on this journey of healing to not only help me, but to also help others. I am being used to help people who are looking for a resolution, used for the broken hearted that seek to tap into the uncharted waters of healing provided FREE by the God Of Israel.
One thing that oddly gives me satisfaction is seeing the smile on other peoples faces, and another thing that actually gives me tremendous joy is putting the love that Christ put in my heart putting it in other peoples heart. Because as sad as life can be at times it is also short so, why not spread love to others? We all face different battles, and we all experience pain differently we may endure struggles, but you never know that ONE time that you decide to shine some light on someone’s darkness the Lord could be using you as His vessel to shine light into their whole world. The only person you can control is yourself, so give others the best gift that free and that is KINDNESS.
Have a Blessed Sabbath, Remember don’t hurt people Heal them.
My siblings let me get beat looking back I’m not surprised honestly we all got beat but I feel, and know that I got the worst of it. The most my siblings ever did was capitalize off my punishment, by adding their own twisted pacification to the abuse that occurred from our narc mother. Like all debased narc families this is the reality of the scapegoated child it wasn’t until I went no contact that all the memories came rushing like a flood gate. Growing up my mother would beat into my head that I was evil, unworthy, and designed for destruction. It’s funny how the narc can make you feel so broken when in reality they hate you because of the purity your souls radiates, there are too many incidents to recall with my narc mother and may of these incidents are looked at as “normal” not only in society but also in my culture. The one incident that will forever stick with me is the one that started the breaking process it progressed into me becoming a rattled child, and a disgruntled young adult always looking for a way to fill the whole in my soul and to put out the fiery pain I felt.
Being in a narcassitic family does that to you whether your a scapegoat(like me), a golden child or a lost child abuse hits us all the same way we all grow up feeling a loss of something that your narc either stole from us or have guilt they purposely placed there that was really something they owned. it breaks an individual down to nothing.So what must one do? Turn to the Most High because as His word says”Psalms 27:10- When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up” The Lord is so merciful that he even states that, “As I was with Moses, so will I be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. (Joshua 1:5)
The Most High promises that He will never leave us nor FORSAKEN us, but unfortunately in the situation of a narcissistic family they forsake you, and leave you destroyed spiritually, mentally, and emotionally all the while disguising their abuse as love or something that they try to convey as normalcy. Now does The Most High really want us to be around abusers and tormentors it doesn’t make sense, why would The Most High want us to deal with something that contradicts His word? Honestly it never made sense to me when my mother would tell me “You only get one momma, and baby your gonna always need your momma“ , all the while with every beating she placed on me it felt like she was aiming to destroy my morality. It also shouldn’t make sense to you because growing up in these types of settings can make an individual feel devalued and belittled, so as the word says (“For what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness”– 2 Corinthians 6:14)
If you have a toxic family, or even if your in a toxic relationship ask yourself this ” Should I let this person invade my spirit, should I let them drain me of my energy? Am I even comfortable around this person or these people? Is this environment taking more out of me than it’s giving me?”. Be honest with yourselves search deep within yourself, as I know from personal experience it will NEVER CHANGE, and sadly over the years the abuse just gets more destructive, and disastrous. The only one you can change in this type of situation is yourself, and you can’t do it alone you need the healing, and help that the good Lord Himself provides because He doesn’t ask for much in return.
Sadly the wounds that are left from abuse only get bigger if you don’t leave these people out of your life I mean seriously the Lord loves His children to much to let us get abused continually (even in our adult years). These toxic people aren’t even walking in the light they don’t even have the love of the Father in their hearts they hate truth, and they also hate that which is GOOD. That’s the abusers aim to get you off track and to have you thinking your crazy all the while, they manipulate and exploit their victims leaving them confused and filled with self-doubt, and zero confidence. They steal your spiritual worth all while laughing all the way to the bank, don’t go spiritual bankrupt call on the name of The Lord, and you shall be saved He can and will heal you from the wounds and pain of the abuse.
Disclaimer: This blog post is a guest post from one of my networking buddies, Her name is Zifi and at the bottom is her contact info. If you love the way she writes Follow Her Blog!!! Thanks , Danyah “Dee”
Growing up with a narcissistic Mother is a defining experience. It influences decision-making throughout a lifetime, whether consciously or unconsciously. Explaining the impact of growing up with this family dynamic to someone who experienced love as a child is beyond complicated. These are a few things that I wish people understood.
Trust used to come naturally to me. However, once in recovery I had to begin questioning everything. No longer can I afford to take people at face value. Please do not take this personally. I question everything, because the things that were supposed to be a given in life were not what they seemed to be.
The person you saw and experienced was not who she really was. Just because you did not see the abuse, does not mean it did not happen. I was born to supply her with narcissistic supply. When the world did not treat her in the way she desired, she took that narcissistic supply from me in whatever way she deemed necessary.
Getting to the point of realizing and admitting to the experience of narcissistic abuse was a journey that made me question every part of myself. Please do not discount this journey. No one wants to admit their own Mother did not love them.
Loving someone without empathy or a conscious was a soul eroding experience. Choosing to hold onto my heart and empathy was the most painful choice I have ever made. My emotional spectrum is a conscious choice I paid greatly for.
I have been guilted into giving my original abuser the benefit of the doubt by society for a lifetime. The world does not like to believe women can have narcissistic and sociopathic traits, especially towards their own children. Not all women who have children are Mothers.
The experience of having a narcissistic Mother creates some of the strongest individuals in this world. We have experienced the evil of the world and rejected it by consciously choosing not to join them. One day I hope the world will understand this experience better. However, until then please honor the experience and feelings of those of us who grew up without love, but found the strength to stand up for what we truly deserve.
Growing up in my childhood home,I never really had an identity I can remember how I cried a lot in middle school, and also high school. Crying that’s all I knew I felt it was the only way for me to have an outlet for my pain besides,who could I tell or better yet who would listen to a child talk about the pain they were experiencing? I would be deemed crazy, as I sat at the dinner table with tears running down my young face while my abusive mother kept on serving dinner with a grimace look on her face. No words of concern, or even an ounce of care fell from my mothers lips because as we know in black cultureSTRONG BLACK WOMEN don’t cry, or even show affection its a sign of weakness so my narc family would just stare at me laughing as the pain escaped my eyes, and trailed down my cheeks.
I’m only hoping that your worried about the title(Iwould be), you must think that Danyah(call me Dee please) thinks The Most High God is a God that’s for this type of sadistic narcissistic abuse(torture)? He’s a God that wants children to praise, and bow down to wickedness even though it’s the parent that’s the one serving up toxic behavior like it’s a lunch special at your favorite seafood restaurant. No matter how EXTREME the abuse is, no matter how two-faced, terrible, and treacherous the parent(s) are He wants us as victims to suck it up, get over it because I’m sure every abused child that is a victim of narc abuse by proxy knows this scripture….
What happens when “sparing the rod” becomes a more sinister, and forbidding ordeal? Does the Most High really sit on His throne in heaven watching this perilous abuse occur all the while clapping, and cheering our abusers on with a complacent grin on His beautiful face? I used to think that honestly, I wont even lie to you I really did hell your talking to a woman who didn’t think she would make it pass 18, let alone have children(because she was too stupid, and crazy or the famous line “she cant even take care of herself“). She was so brainwashed that she thought if she didn’t speak to her abusive mother that the Most High would hate her, nah not just HATE HER, but also exact vengeanceon her
Like I said at the beginning, growing up in my narc family system I never had an identity( I wasn’t allowed to evolve) whatever our domineering matriarch of a mother said it was counted as scripture. So when she would make smug comments about the Bible, and told us in a mocking way of the Lords words how we should “Honor your Mother and Father so your days could be long on this earth” I automatically assumed as a young child that the abuse that was being administered was something that gave Him great pleasure, and that it was also something that God approved of. With every beating that my mother put on me not only physically, she also didn’t waste any time breaking me down spiritually during this time I lost piece after piece of myself. I would often wonder in the midst of all this abuse if God loved me, because the horrors my mother put me through sure didn’t reflect love instead it reflected envy, jealously, pain, affliction, and turmoil (the list goes on, and on).Like many abusive narcissistic mothers(sadly) they reflect a image of envy, jealous, and hatred not only for their children, but its like its a projection of how they feel about themselves, so throwing God in there isn’t even off limits to them if anything they have too much pride in their hearts so they believe in their heads that they are ENTITLED to use the Most High God as a weapon too. Its even so bad that these type of religious Narc mothers (I’m talking about my experience now lets get deeper) they believe that God is on their side in the midst of all this madness.
So yeah,my mother would cherry pick that scripture all time she used manipulative tactics to make it seem as God was against me, and all for her abuse. But what about Colossians 3:21?
Let’s break this ⬆️scripture down because as the Glorious Most High word says in 2 Timothy 2:15.
That’s right No SHAME in my game(because I’m adamant that this message will help someone who also has went through what I went through)So what was the Most High talking about in Colossians 3:21? Lets divide this truth down it says” Fathers, PROVOKE not your CHILDREN to ANGER, lest they become DISCOURAGED. Now lets break down these bold out words because I would hate to assume that many people don’t know the meanings of these words(or even know that this scripture is in the Holy Bible).
Father then goes on to say “Lest they become DISCOURAGED now what do these words mean? Discouraged means to deprive of courage or confidence(let’s go a step further) what does confidence mean?
See how it says the feeling that one can rely on someone or something; FIRM TRUST. So basically(your probably like can she get to the point right?) what I got from this is that parents aren’t supposed to make their children angry to the point where they resent them, they most certainly shouldn’t belittle their children bully their children, or make their children fear them in a way that isn’t godly but demonizing, and menacing. But what the religious narc fails to realize is The Most High hates haughtiness, and I’m positive he hates when people take his words, and twists them to benefit their wicked agendas(especially abusive parents who instead of loving their children they exploit them, and rip them of their innocence all the while throwing God in said child’s face to justify their brutal beatings) with that being said what does LEST mean?
For fear that they could become discouraged, resulting in children not having confidence(that could be confidence in themselves, or in the parent that is raising them.) Not being able to trust the parent, you see God told me(I thank Him for His mercy EVERYDAY) is that when He told children to “Honor their Mother and Father so that their days could be long on this earth” (a commandment with a promise) He also wanted parents to raise their children in an environment that revolves around the instruction, and discipline of the Lord(Ephesians 6:4) because in order for a household to grow it has to be in order. Children need parents to show them how to be successful adults not only physically, but also SPIRITUALLY. Not an environment that revolves around the discipline, and instruction of a narcissistic controlling abusive parent(s) who thinks that they are your God, but that’s why I think religious narcs are the worst because they take the Lord’s holy words, and they desecrate them. I’ll bet my last breathe that my narc mother doesn’t even know that these scripture are in the Holy Bible, but then again I’m positive she would find some type of way to justify her sadistic torture on me not just me, but also my siblings(I’m just the only one brave enough to come on out and expose this resulting in me displaying mutiny in this corrupted family system.)
Religious narc parents are the worst, because they keep their victims(children) on a string of abuse that revolves around God so these children not only get abused physically, but also spiritually as well. They cherry pick scriptures that goes with their toxic agenda all the while it leaves their victim blaming God because as well all know He is (awesome 😍) omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient. So surely “He sees the abuse, why doesn’t He stop it?”, asks the victim causing children to doubt God, or in many cases of narc abuse by parent(s) causes children to view God as just as abusive as the parent. But as His word says(He is not the author of confusion)
And we all know that bring in a narcissistic, abusive, controlling, and demeaning relationship leaves victims confused, it leaves the children blaming God because they don’t know no better or even know that the parent is in full on deceit mode. Because the enemy seeks to kill, steal, and destroy that’s why the religious narc parent throws God at you, to steal your relationship with Him, to kill your passion for His love and truth, and to destroy you from the inside out. In reality they want to be their child’s God I just wanna tell you that religious narc parents don’t love you, hell they don’t even love the Lord, or themselves for that matter that’s why they use God as a weapon but one thing for certain, and two for sure…
The narc is a coward, and they can’t look in the mirror and examine themselves, or even take blame for the wrong they do. That’s why they need a scapegoat you see, these people would even go so far as to say that the Lord approves their sick,evil, and twisted actions. Nothing, and no one is off limits to the religious narc parent(or even a narc) not even God Himself you would think that God would be off limits right?NOPEthey use God as a scapegoat also, and to the innocent that damages their psyche,and their moral judgement of right and wrong. Parents that abuse their children also abuse the relationship the child has with the Lord even before it is formed, because the relationship with the parent(s) is supposed to mold the way the child views God, and if the parent is abusive, and evil the child will just speculate that the Lord is the same way. Until they are able to leave this toxic environment(sadly, most children never get the veil lifted until they go seek the Lord themselves).
Yeah, God does LOVE us He wants to heal you from this pain from the affliction caused by your abuser. SEEK HIM let him lift that veil from your eyes, put your trust in Him. He loves you, and He cares for you I love you so much, and I pray that your path of healing is full of love, confidence, and joy of the Lord of peace. Keep your head up, and please keep walking on this road of healing and recovery towards Him because it’s benefits are sufficient just like His grace is 🌺🌼🌻.
“Thank you for listening! May the Most High rain blessings down on you.<3
It finally set in, they don’t know me; they don’t know us victims of narcissistic abuse normally walk around with a rain cloud over their heads. They live life like an ostrich with its head in the sand (they ignore and hide from obvious signs of danger small or large). Like oil sticks to your hands even after you wash them over and over again, so does the wounds from abuse they prick your heart like a thorn on a rose, and it damages you the same it damages spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Victims are normally plagued by these demons long after the abuse has stopped(or they went No Contact with no closure) they often detach from their surroundings, and more than often they feel like they can’t tell their closest friends,spouses(or anybody) about the symptoms that has plagued their thought processes throughout the years even if the abuse is long over.
But I’m assuming your asking yourself (I thought she was talking about her changing her number, or didn’t she say she was telling us why she changed her damn cellphone number?) Let me reiterate, they don’tknow me, theynever knew me, and they don’t deserve to get the chance toknow me one thing the Most High Yah help me realize on my healing journey that He so mercifully sent me on is my abusers/enablers/flying monkeys/abuser supporters don’t know me(the real Dee). They also don’t know you, just sit down for a moment and think about it they only know a false image projected onto you, it’s funny now that I think about it. I told my FM sister (three years before I finally got fed with the Narc family structure) that she didn’t know me… she kept implying, insisting, and ranting that she did all the while she had a glazed, dazed, and confused look on her face. A couple of things that the Lord has put in my spirit is “Just because you grow up in the same household as these people doesn’t mean that they know you they would like to THINK they know you.“
When the stark reality hits you that you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, or any type of abuse in reality you shouldn’t be sad, hurt, or angry. He said “Rejoice!” Rejoice because your abusers knew, and seen you were strongest out the bunch not led captive by their web of deceit they seen you as the one who could break their mirror of deception, and fight the lies that they want to imprint in your mind and spirit. Not being casted into a spell of wickedness, but rather escape to walk onto that narrow path of RIGHTEOUSNESS. He whispered into my heart (my mind my spirit)”They seen the purity in your soul Dee, the unquenchable zeal in your eyes Dee, and they heard the courage beating from your pure heart”. Your abusers are so envious that they couldn’t obtain the very traits that the Most High blessed you with from birth, they couldn’t rob you of it, so they wanted to blind you of it. Luckily, the Most High shall exalt us above our abuse.
Stay Humble, Be healed, ACCEPT His Happiness! Because Yahweh Shammah cares for us!
-Glory be to God
I changed my number, because I’m tired of the lies they tell me, I’m tired of pretending everything is okay, and they didn’t hurt me. I’m tired of seeing blocked calls come up from abusers, and enablers who just want to barge into my life to control it and to patronize me. I’m SICK of seeing fake text messages as if they really care about me. It wont ever be the same, and oddly enough they know that, but I don’t give a damn if they DO OR DON’T because I know it wont be the same I’m not the same person anymore. The same little girl who accepted abuse, and pushed her own feelings,and emotions into a garbage can. Now I’m child of the Most High, a wife, and a mother how did the Lord change my thought process you may wonder? He helped me understand that all they want to do is STEAL from us, STEAL our happiness, STEAL our healing, STEAL our families that the Most High gave us. They want to KILL the new man, and bring back the old one who tolerated their abuse. But isn’t there a scripture for this scenario?…….
Thank you so much for reading my blog, May the Most High bless you on your path to healing, and recovery. Be Blessed. Until we talk again next time.
The earliest memories I have of my narc mother includes abuse, as far back as Icould remember all my memories that I think back on all rotate around abuse it’s either physical, mental, and even spiritual abuse.Little info on me I’m in my mid 20s,married and I’m a first time mother(yay me). Life is life everything is going smoother all thanks to the Most High, reading other people’s stories has cracked open a spectrum of emotional angst that must be released. Released to someone who hasn’t escaped, but they are methodically looking for a simple way out.
But the biggest emotion I feel right now as a survivor is closure, closure from what’s been done to me,closure from the burden that was placed on me from a early age. To understand the thesis behind why I view my experiences as a burden let me take you back in time to 2000( I was six then). My NM had just got out of prison for being what she called a “drug queen pin“,so while skimming through articles, YouTube videos, and others blogs we all know that Narcs LOVE GRANDIOUSITY even if the position the put themselves in is a devious one. They thrive to want to look superior, its how they live how they get their supply, how the Narc builds their image. Okay (I tend to drift off sometimes sorry) back to 2000 I had just moved in with my mother (she was in prison from the time I was a baby till six I had spent my former years with my father) When my mother got out of prison she went on a quest to retrieve all of her daughters to make sure she raised them all, she had a new man by this time.I remember being in my room, and hearing my narc mother in a rage she was going on, and on about how someone drunk out of her new beaus(enabler) strawberry slushie from sonic(route 44 happy hour special). She then called all of us into the kitchen, and made up line up with extension cord in hand she looked at us so enraged while saying out loud “Who drank his slushie, y’all better tell me now, or all y’all getting a whipping”
I didn’t drink it, hell at six I didn’t even know what a slushie was but in my kid mind I figured that she was just using a tactic for the truth to come out. (Like really who gets that mad over a strawberry slushie) both my sisters stood there both claiming that they didn’t drink it, and my Narc mom didn’t let up she was persistent in her quest of putting down her brute punishment. It was like in each breath she got more, and more of a rush to exert her authority over us. Like a hangman’s with a fresh rope in her hang waiting for the criminal to be led to the gallows, finally after so many minutes of standing there hearing the bickering, hearing the dysfunction(about a slushie that I didn’t drink, or know where it came from). I finally said I did it, just to save all of us to free us from this matriarch of a woman with a fire in her eyes, it turned out to be a stupid mistake on my part because my mother beat me with every inch of my six year old life. I remember her going around me in a circle and taking that cord(like the one in the picture) and beating me with it I remember curling up into a ball so my little face wouldn’t get scarred; I remember crying so hard from the pain I felt how hurt I felt that this woman who was my mother had just drug me on the kitchen floor and beat me over a damn strawberry slushie. When she was done I touched my arms, and I had welts all over them all over my body, me being six I couldn’t imagine why this was going on, but little did I know it would only get worst.
A broken feeling then started to take route in my spirit that day because this is the moment that my narc mother started to break me like a glass plate shatters on a hard wooden floor, so did I on that day in 2000,when she beat me for the first of many times. Down a rabbit hole of sheer abuse, terror, and anguish at the hands of a alcoholic mother who over the years I was gonna see her mask eventually slip off. And the toxic scars of abuse that she would not only leave on me but also my three siblings. That brings to mind a quote that I ran across…….
Until Next Time on Tales From Dee, Talk to you Guys later 📤💙