As a child who grew up in a abusive household I developed many unhealthy spiritual habits, and one MAJOR thing that I struggled with was unforgiveness it infected me like a cancer and I felt that I didn’t need to forgive my mother because after all she never acknowledged her wrongs. The older I got, the more I experienced hurt at the hands of my family and also others that I met I felt as though if my mother didn’t love me how can God love me? Was forgiveness necessary for me to walk with Christ? Was the hardest decision in my life actually more easier than my flesh made it feel?
I can attest that in order to have a successful relationship with Jesus Christ you MUST forgive EVERYONE even when it HURTS. Unforgiveness is actually a work of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-21 kjv) it leads to hatred and gives you a ticket straight to hell.
Our relationship with God, is built on forgiveness when we repent of our sins we are also asking for forgiveness in order to have a relationship with God. Jesus tells us in Mark 11:26: But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses kjv.
In order to experience true freedom and healing from the shackles of abuse and spiritual defeat one must be willing to forgive wrongdoings that was done to them NO MATTER how much it hurts. I know it hurts but love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8 kjv) I love Jesus Christ more than I love my pain and hurt He frees us from the bondage of bitterness.
The longer I held on to the past the more bitter I got. We have two choices in our healing process to get bitter or better.
Sit and reflect on these things:
Is holding in hurt and resentment worth your eternal soul in Hell? Are you justifying reasons you shouldn’t forgive someone who has wronged you, are you letting your flesh get in the way of TRUE deliverance?
Is your relationship with God based on an actual relationship of true love, and repentance? Are you just covering up your bitterness with empty praises and clinging to unforgiveness while slowly sinking into anger (works of the flesh)?
Bitterness is a seed that gets planted at a early age and it springs up slowly and by the time you realize that you have a problem you are in hell regretting and wishing that you would have came to Christ for healing. Most bitter people do not realize they are bitter, they are cynical they are deep rooted in the flesh and many of these people think that they are Christians. As true followers of Christ we must deny ourselves (Matthew 16:24 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.)
Abuse is my cross and denying myself means that I put anger and resentment(bitterness) far from me. I will follow Christ because only He can give me deliverance, healing, and most of all LOVE. I choose not to walk in the flesh, but I will walk in the Spirit (Galatians 5:16 kjv This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.)
Repent for the kingdom of God draws near! Whatever wrong that was done to you please give it to Jesus He will handle it. True freedom come from forgiveness because it allows you to place your FULL Faith (trust) in God it leaves justice to Him (Romans 12:19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the LORD.)
Unforgivness puts up a wall between you and Jesus a wall so high that you wont be able to experience His love, and the freedom that comes with it.
I grew up in an abusive household so I don’t trust easily. I learned early on that many people aren’t who they claim to be, and many aren’t to be trusted. I look back on my life and I believe that The Most High wanted me to have the trials I endured so that from my experiences I can really reach for Him amongst the lies that this world dished out at me. The hurts I have experienced have not only made me stronger, but also wiser it has strengthen my moral and made me understand that not everyone who claims to love Yahweh really loves Him many people only love themselves, and they are very selfish. They look at your kindness as weakness, like vultures circling a dying animal in the wilderness.
I have recently come to terms with the fact that 85% of the people in this world are full of it they speak with double tongues, and they blend the holy and the unholy together all while having their hearts far from The Most High Yahweh. I trust NO ONE, many people don’t even know who they are they just go by what society tells them. A lot of these people don’t know El Shaddai, nor do they want to know Him many people claim they love him with their mouths but their hearts are extremely far from Him. They actually hate Him, they tear apart His words and worship other gods they support pagan customs and they love bathing in their ignorance.
I am starting to realize that many people are simple minded and they look to Christ as a last resort sort of like a “in case of a emergency” type of deal, rather than Christ loves me so much He died for me so let me live my life in a way that honors Him. 85% of the people rather worship idols, and turn to demons to get a quick fix happy meal rather than seeking the Most High to understand their calling and purpose here on Earth. Whether you like to believe it or not you aren’t here to worship yourself, and your life shouldn’t be fixated on selfish desires.
Coming to terms with the toxic childhood has made me equip with some of the greatest tools in being able to detect deception, and falsehood. Every now and again life throws me a whammy, but this is when I go to my Creator Yahweh, and I ask Him to refine me to change my thinking so that I can keep walking on this narrow path to Him despite the evilness I see people doing, and the blasphemy I hear them saying. I choose to not trust anything at face value, we as followers of Christ must guard not only our light, but also our truth. We must test the spirits to see if they are from Yahweh.
I’m wandering, but I’m not lost. I just choose to trust in Yahweh to guide me in all truth amongst the treachery. I thank you Yahweh Ben Yahweh for the sacrifice you have done for me, thank You for shedding Your blood for me. Thank You for making a way for me to connect to You. Its been a long time since I posted I just been busy, soaking in new revelation that Yahweh is giving me.