Deliverance From Dysfunction {💌} Testimony included **

Link to my youtube: https://youtu.be/Lei8RdYyghM

Until recently I was not honest with myself. I lied to God and I also lied to myself. I decided to investigate the mirror, and I accepted that the abuse afflicted on me left me with scars. Deep scars that turned into major issues. Issues that permeated to the top every now and again. You see I reached a crossroad where I could not let nor afford to let my past keep me prisoner, I did not want to be a hostage to pain anymore. I figured I was okay, and the damage caused was not that serious. I have come to realize that being alive is more than just breathing. God wants us to experience Him in many ways and to see how much love He really has for us in ways that we have not known. I was broken, disheveled, and I lost my sense of self. Who was I? Where was I going? Does God love me? What exactly is love?

I reached a major point in my relationship with Jesus and I couldn’t bear it anymore I told him how I felt I told Him how I was scared, how hurt I was, and how I wanted Him close but I was anxious. You see, I was never honest with Him about how I truly felt about my mother I just pushed all my feelings down so far that when they did resurface I would shut down and become flaky, flighty, and apathetic towards everyone including myself and towards my Savior and Redeemer Jesus. It was revealed to me that I developed a hatred for my mother, a resentment towards my childhood and a strong distain towards people who dismissed my feelings as mere imaginations and something that I should just get over.

My hurt led to hatred, which resulted in bitterness which resulted in me hating myself and doing things that not only affected others in my surroundings but also myself. The best thing I ever did was accept it I accepted the fact that I was abused I was done wrong, and that people who haven’t went through what I went through will not empathize with me nor give me the sympathy that I so desperately crave. Only Jesus can do that, and only God will allow that. On that beautiful day when I came under attack from not only the enemy but also my former self, I decided to pick up my CROSS.

When I think of my mother, and others who also have similar stories what is the end result? Will we as survivors or victims keep the cycle going, or will we deny ourselves? Jesus suffered and died on the cross for nothing He did wrong. So, who are we? I learned on that faithful day that life isn’t fair, and interestingly it isn’t supposed to be if it was fair or “perfect” we wouldn’t need Jesus, now would we?

You have two options, but one choice. You can be a victim who turns into a victimizer, or you can be a victor who leads others to victory and that is Gods plan for us. You see, I just recently (like a week ago) understood how much Yahweh loves me. Jesus knew how I felt towards my mother (and family) He was waiting for me to be honest with Him, and to tell Him how I truly felt, and I won’t lie when I told Him how I truly felt I felt a HUGE burden get lifted off my spirit.

That is when I felt our relationship began to blossom into something deeper. When I began to open my heart to Him.

As His Word says, “Casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you”. {1 Peter 5:7 kjv}

Jesus Christ knows everything we have been through, and He also understands how we feel. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are- yet he did not sin”. {Hebrews 4:15 KJV}

The point of me telling (writing) my testimony is this: Tell Jesus the truth, your soul depends on it.

May God bless you and keep you on your healing journey. DanYah “Dedee” ❤