Growing up in my childhood home I always felt a sense of emptiness that still creeps up every now and again just to make me feel a little if not a lot of insecurity. I never was shown genuine love, and now as a woman in my mid 20’s I feel awkward when people display acts of kindness for me, or even when they show how much they appreciate and love me. A abuse victim normally goes through this cycle in their life sometimes they feel so paranoid that everyone is just like their abuser, aiming to steal, kill ,and destroy you with every move they make. Its not hard for me to accept that with the way I was raised it became evident to me that it was hard for me to distinguish good from bad, light from darkness, and sweet from bitter.
Im starting to learn on my healing path with Christ that we as individuals seem to only accept the love that we think we deserve not the love we should have, not only love but thoughts and people we surround ourselves with. I’ve learned that how we treat each other reflects how The Most High will treat us because as His word says you “Reap what you sow” love and kindness does get you far not only with people, but with the Creator Himself. If you treat people with loyalty, and respect it will in turn be handed back to you, if you spread out positivity, and love you will also get it back. As people we tend to attract what we are so ask yourself “What am I attracting to myself, or what do I think I deserve in my life?”
It’s funny because I get called sensitive a lot, and people think that I take small things to heart too much, but honestly I’m just in tune to my feelings I’m aware of who I am as a person. That I wont be tied down by abuse anymore, and that I don’t have to accept being mistreated by anyone,and if something hurts or if I’m hurting I will make it known because in this day and age many people are so disconnected from their true selves that they don’t even know who they are. I aim to look at the power in my pain, and to rely on the Lord for my strength because whether any man wants to admit it or not Yahweh is The One who keeps this whole place running, and if He be for me who can be against me?
His word tells me” He will never leave me, nor forsake me“, and I believe them desperately I wont lie to you not even to Him sometimes my past hurts me sometimes I still feel like that little abused girl whose looking for her mother to approve of her, but instead all I’m left with is a woman who was left broken by her abusive mother who was also broken. A woman who will patiently wait for the Lord to deliver her, and to redeem her from her struggles that plague her day to day. I decided that I wont go back because now I’m old enough to stand for what’s true and genuine I used to let my past influence how I treated others, but why be bitter? People often don’t understand me, but that’s okay I’ve learned to do the one thing that most, and many people never learn to do and that is acceptance of self. I accept the way I look, talk, walk, and feel I know that The Most High created us all differently and that’s the most amazing and beautiful thing about being human.
That’s the main reason I treat everyone with sweetness because so many people choose bitterness not because that’s what they want, but because that’s all they were ever shown. So I as a conscious human make the choice to be kind even when bitterness is placed in my path because in doing so I reap the rewards of an eternal Yahweh that is always present, and is always looking out to reward His children not only with gifts but love also. I’m just hoping that the human reading my post also chooses sweetness because it only takes a second to make someone smile, and kindness is a drug worth sharing. Thanks for reading I hope you received edification from this today. Do you agree or disagree? Let me know 🙏🏾💝
Thank You for reading my blog post! Please remember to love yourself because The Most High Loves you. Have a blessed day!!💝
Growing up in my childhood home,I never really had an identity I can remember how I cried a lot in middle school, and also high school. Crying that’s all I knew I felt it was the only way for me to have an outlet for my pain besides,who could I tell or better yet who would listen to a child talk about the pain they were experiencing? I would be deemed crazy, as I sat at the dinner table with tears running down my young face while my abusive mother kept on serving dinner with a grimace look on her face. No words of concern, or even an ounce of care fell from my mothers lips because as we know in black cultureSTRONG BLACK WOMEN don’t cry, or even show affection its a sign of weakness so my narc family would just stare at me laughing as the pain escaped my eyes, and trailed down my cheeks.
I’m only hoping that your worried about the title(Iwould be), you must think that Danyah(call me Dee please) thinks The Most High God is a God that’s for this type of sadistic narcissistic abuse(torture)? He’s a God that wants children to praise, and bow down to wickedness even though it’s the parent that’s the one serving up toxic behavior like it’s a lunch special at your favorite seafood restaurant. No matter how EXTREME the abuse is, no matter how two-faced, terrible, and treacherous the parent(s) are He wants us as victims to suck it up, get over it because I’m sure every abused child that is a victim of narc abuse by proxy knows this scripture….
What happens when “sparing the rod” becomes a more sinister, and forbidding ordeal? Does the Most High really sit on His throne in heaven watching this perilous abuse occur all the while clapping, and cheering our abusers on with a complacent grin on His beautiful face? I used to think that honestly, I wont even lie to you I really did hell your talking to a woman who didn’t think she would make it pass 18, let alone have children(because she was too stupid, and crazy or the famous line “she cant even take care of herself“). She was so brainwashed that she thought if she didn’t speak to her abusive mother that the Most High would hate her, nah not just HATE HER, but also exact vengeanceon her
Like I said at the beginning, growing up in my narc family system I never had an identity( I wasn’t allowed to evolve) whatever our domineering matriarch of a mother said it was counted as scripture. So when she would make smug comments about the Bible, and told us in a mocking way of the Lords words how we should “Honor your Mother and Father so your days could be long on this earth” I automatically assumed as a young child that the abuse that was being administered was something that gave Him great pleasure, and that it was also something that God approved of. With every beating that my mother put on me not only physically, she also didn’t waste any time breaking me down spiritually during this time I lost piece after piece of myself. I would often wonder in the midst of all this abuse if God loved me, because the horrors my mother put me through sure didn’t reflect love instead it reflected envy, jealously, pain, affliction, and turmoil (the list goes on, and on).Like many abusive narcissistic mothers(sadly) they reflect a image of envy, jealous, and hatred not only for their children, but its like its a projection of how they feel about themselves, so throwing God in there isn’t even off limits to them if anything they have too much pride in their hearts so they believe in their heads that they are ENTITLED to use the Most High God as a weapon too. Its even so bad that these type of religious Narc mothers (I’m talking about my experience now lets get deeper) they believe that God is on their side in the midst of all this madness.
So yeah,my mother would cherry pick that scripture all time she used manipulative tactics to make it seem as God was against me, and all for her abuse. But what about Colossians 3:21?
Let’s break this ⬆️scripture down because as the Glorious Most High word says in 2 Timothy 2:15.
That’s right No SHAME in my game(because I’m adamant that this message will help someone who also has went through what I went through)So what was the Most High talking about in Colossians 3:21? Lets divide this truth down it says” Fathers, PROVOKE not your CHILDREN to ANGER, lest they become DISCOURAGED. Now lets break down these bold out words because I would hate to assume that many people don’t know the meanings of these words(or even know that this scripture is in the Holy Bible).
Father then goes on to say “Lest they become DISCOURAGED now what do these words mean? Discouraged means to deprive of courage or confidence(let’s go a step further) what does confidence mean?
See how it says the feeling that one can rely on someone or something; FIRM TRUST. So basically(your probably like can she get to the point right?) what I got from this is that parents aren’t supposed to make their children angry to the point where they resent them, they most certainly shouldn’t belittle their children bully their children, or make their children fear them in a way that isn’t godly but demonizing, and menacing. But what the religious narc fails to realize is The Most High hates haughtiness, and I’m positive he hates when people take his words, and twists them to benefit their wicked agendas(especially abusive parents who instead of loving their children they exploit them, and rip them of their innocence all the while throwing God in said child’s face to justify their brutal beatings) with that being said what does LEST mean?
For fear that they could become discouraged, resulting in children not having confidence(that could be confidence in themselves, or in the parent that is raising them.) Not being able to trust the parent, you see God told me(I thank Him for His mercy EVERYDAY) is that when He told children to “Honor their Mother and Father so that their days could be long on this earth” (a commandment with a promise) He also wanted parents to raise their children in an environment that revolves around the instruction, and discipline of the Lord(Ephesians 6:4) because in order for a household to grow it has to be in order. Children need parents to show them how to be successful adults not only physically, but also SPIRITUALLY. Not an environment that revolves around the discipline, and instruction of a narcissistic controlling abusive parent(s) who thinks that they are your God, but that’s why I think religious narcs are the worst because they take the Lord’s holy words, and they desecrate them. I’ll bet my last breathe that my narc mother doesn’t even know that these scripture are in the Holy Bible, but then again I’m positive she would find some type of way to justify her sadistic torture on me not just me, but also my siblings(I’m just the only one brave enough to come on out and expose this resulting in me displaying mutiny in this corrupted family system.)
Religious narc parents are the worst, because they keep their victims(children) on a string of abuse that revolves around God so these children not only get abused physically, but also spiritually as well. They cherry pick scriptures that goes with their toxic agenda all the while it leaves their victim blaming God because as well all know He is (awesome 😍) omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient. So surely “He sees the abuse, why doesn’t He stop it?”, asks the victim causing children to doubt God, or in many cases of narc abuse by parent(s) causes children to view God as just as abusive as the parent. But as His word says(He is not the author of confusion)
And we all know that bring in a narcissistic, abusive, controlling, and demeaning relationship leaves victims confused, it leaves the children blaming God because they don’t know no better or even know that the parent is in full on deceit mode. Because the enemy seeks to kill, steal, and destroy that’s why the religious narc parent throws God at you, to steal your relationship with Him, to kill your passion for His love and truth, and to destroy you from the inside out. In reality they want to be their child’s God I just wanna tell you that religious narc parents don’t love you, hell they don’t even love the Lord, or themselves for that matter that’s why they use God as a weapon but one thing for certain, and two for sure…
The narc is a coward, and they can’t look in the mirror and examine themselves, or even take blame for the wrong they do. That’s why they need a scapegoat you see, these people would even go so far as to say that the Lord approves their sick,evil, and twisted actions. Nothing, and no one is off limits to the religious narc parent(or even a narc) not even God Himself you would think that God would be off limits right?NOPEthey use God as a scapegoat also, and to the innocent that damages their psyche,and their moral judgement of right and wrong. Parents that abuse their children also abuse the relationship the child has with the Lord even before it is formed, because the relationship with the parent(s) is supposed to mold the way the child views God, and if the parent is abusive, and evil the child will just speculate that the Lord is the same way. Until they are able to leave this toxic environment(sadly, most children never get the veil lifted until they go seek the Lord themselves).
Yeah, God does LOVE us He wants to heal you from this pain from the affliction caused by your abuser. SEEK HIM let him lift that veil from your eyes, put your trust in Him. He loves you, and He cares for you I love you so much, and I pray that your path of healing is full of love, confidence, and joy of the Lord of peace. Keep your head up, and please keep walking on this road of healing and recovery towards Him because it’s benefits are sufficient just like His grace is 🌺🌼🌻.
“Thank you for listening! May the Most High rain blessings down on you.<3