Sabbath Songs: Deliver Me 📦👰🏽💞

Save me Lord. Can you please deliver me?

I beseech thee Lord for all your tender mercies.

Can You restore to me what the enemy has stolen?

Can you make free my soul and get me out of this hole and

I call on You My God, and my King.

I will always praise You because You make my heart sing.

Deliver me Jesus! Save my soul from hell

Help me Jesus, please Lord let me drink from Your well.

I long to be free. I long to be okay.

I long to be in Your arms on that faithful day.

Lord, Your blood cleanses us. Lord Your love also preserves us.

Deliver me Lord. Heal me King. I am thankful for all your mercies.

Selah [♥]

God is Healing 🕊️

I almost had a relapse today. I thought about all the things I went through in my childhood and how abuse made me feel so dissociated with reality. I knew this was an attack from the enemy I must be close to something that God has in store for me, and that’s my healing. People who grow up in abuse or those who become entangled in abuse often struggle with identity crisis, and most if not all tend to think that God has forgotten about them. Today I was honest with Jesus, and I told Him how I felt. How long does it take to heal? Is healing a everyday process? I am starting to believe it is everyday I must seek to be renewed and not conformed to the world, and also not letting my past dictate me.

I will stand on His Word, I will be unafraid. I’m tired of being flaky I understand now that my flakiness is a result of the trauma that I went through in my childhood. It causes me not to trust easily, it causes me to run from everyone including my Creator it leaves me with permanent fig leaves that I want removed. I’m tired of hiding. I’m tired of hurting. I just want You Lord to Heal me I just want to be grounded in You and Your Love. Please Lord be my Yahweh Rapha, I know you will only be if I allow you too. Remove these fig leaves from me. Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.{♥}

I chose to stand on this, In Jesus Christ name AMEN!

Reflecting on me going no contact from my family: Reasons you should too. [My Testimony included]

This Spring made three years of me going no contact with my family that includes everyone in my family I remember that day in Spring in 2017 I had just gotten out of a psych ward (that my mother helped put me in) when we returned home my husband and I had no money, and little food I also lost my job during this time. I was left dealing with pieces of my broken, and unstable spirit I felt betrayed, alone, and unloved on many levels I also got the answer to the question that often plagued my mind my whole childhood “Does my mother love me?” I knew after this experience that if she didn’t truly hate me she sure acted the part that’s when reality sinked in.

Before going no contact I was on a roller-coaster trying to decipher truth from lies I was a smoker, and a marijuana addict who sometimes dabbled in alcoholism trying so hard to blend into a family that seemed to do me more harm than good. I was trying so hard to heal that broken, and abused girl in the best way I knew how with fleshly desires she had so much trauma that she figured God could never love her.

In 2017, I suffered a major demonic attack as I’m typing this message I’m sure you are facing something too, we all are but during this time in 2017 I seen demonic things, heard demonic things, and I seen the depth of how lost and demonically controlled my family was how much hatred my mother actually held for me and how much resentment she really had towards me (for no reason). I understand now that it was just a cover up for how jealous she was of me my family exploited me, abandoned me, had others laughing and mocking me. I even walked in on her calling the hospital to come get me and pick me up to take me away.

I felt scared, and confused my mother claimed she knew Jesus but after this experience I seen how far away from the truth she actually was. She had no truth her conscious was seared with a hot iron her and everyone else in my family they were like anchors keeping me under water not allowing me to float to the top in order to keep from drowning. Three years. The breaking point for me was when I got out of the mental institution( a hotbed for demonic activity different story, different day) my family never called, never checked up on me NO ONE CARED I felt so alone and ashamed going through the incident that I just experienced.

As I stated before we had nothing no money, no food, and I lost my job. So I did what any child would have done I called my mother to ask for help when she answered the phone I could hear the disgust and distain in her voice my heart was beating out of my chest (over 40.00 mind you). What started my no contact decision was when I went to go pick up the money that I wanted to borrow from her and I seen an awe inspiring look of demonic evil and hatred on her face it was like she hated the fact that she had to lend her mentally broken daughter a hand. It made me so upset how she acted like I done her something wrong in reality I was just breaking down from the years of abuse that she took me through a lot of things bubbled to the surface.

After that day in 2017 I left my family alone I changed my number shortly after I then started my journey towards Christ. I dealt with my own demons some that I let in and others that were passed to me through trauma. Going no contact has given me a feeling of liberation, and it has freed me from the chains of maternal narcissism (Jezebel family system) like many children who grow up in this type of environment you may carry around repressed anger. Little things may trigger you to go back into a child’s safe mode, self-hatred is normal for you and you will feel either resentment towards God or refuse His love on the account that you were never shown love properly or in a healthy way.

Deciding to walk away doesn’t mean your weak it just means you need to heal it just means you decide to honor Jesus correctly. Should you stay in a dysfunctional family system that is out of order and robs you of your God given purpose? A system that is against God? I am still on my healing journey I find myself some days feeling inadequate I rely on Jesus daily to take away my shame, and anger only HE can do that. This process doesn’t happen overnight but it does get better once you submit to His will over your life I deal with depression sometimes, but I praise God because NOW I know this is a trick and tool of the enemy to keep me distracted from my God given purpose, and calling the authority He gives me through Jesus Christ.

Many of us will come to this point in our spiritual walk (especially when dealing with toxic family member) that Jesus means more to you than your struggles and pain from abuse. Jesus says in Matthew 10:37-38 kjv

37 He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

38 And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.

Whats your cross? Only you know that. I deal with the feelings of not having a family that loved me, not having a mother to validate me. Other vices that sometimes permeates through. But I have an advocate His name is Jesus Christ (1 John 2:2 kjv) There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus we do not praise and worship Jesus Christ based off our righteousness but His.

God knows how many tears I have cried and he knows how many you have cried also.

Psalm 56:8 8Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?

The world takes up for it’s own, but God protects what is His don’t stay around and in the cycle of abuse it will only leave you feeling empty and angry at God (I struggled with that Praise God for deliverance)

Just meditate on these scriptures

1 Peter 5:7 7Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. [when you feel anxious]

Psalm 27:10 10When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up. [when you father and mother abandon you or they are abusers}

REMEMBER! The devil attacks the strongest in the bunch not the weakest

Sabbath Prologue: Tree of Life (It’s Coming)

Only a message from the Lord as I am guided to type these words I am deeply grieved at the spiritual state of man and the levels of UNBELIEF that permeates the world. So many are CALLED but FEW ARE CHOSEN. Have you ever stopped to question why.. Have you ever wondered why…… The wages of sin is death, but we have eternal life through Jesus Christ! What makes a man chosen?? What makes him righteous this broken world has broken up the flock they have desecrated the things of The Living El Shaddai all because they will not turn from their WICKED WAYS. Time and time again you are showed what happens when a nation turns it’s back on God and rejects Him and His prophets and time and time again the people do not listen. This is just the beginning of many birth pains that will plague the world. Get your HOUSES in ORDER!! REPENT BECAUSE THE KINGDOM OF GOD IS AT HAND.

What about the unbelievers??? Will that stop the Lord Jesus Christ????

Romans 3:3-5 King James Version (KJV) 3  For what if some did not believe? shall their unbelief make the faith of God without effect? 4  God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged.

Chosen because they will lay their life down for Christ. Chosen because they do not LOVE this life. Chosen because they are pure in heart, and The Good LORD chose them from the start. Repent! SEEK the Lord while He can be found. The COVID-19 is just the beginning of worst things to come…… Pray. Rethink where you are in Christ before it’s too late.

Revelation 12:11 King James Version (KJV)

11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.

Tell Your testimony!!! UPLIFT!!! Plead the BLOOD!!! CALL ON THE LORD LIKE NEVER BEFORE SAINTS! The Lord will protect what is HIS!!

And if you don’t believe Good Luck with that you cannot say you didn’t know even nature bows down to Christ. It’s so clear that God is real why do you harden your heart? Why do you not ask Him to be apart of your life He Loves you so much and He created you to fellowship with Him.

Shalom and Stay Prayed up May El Shaddai Bless you and Protect you. May Christ Enter your heart and fill you with Love His Love surpasses all of our understanding. I love You all! We will get through this we have a mighty and POWERFUL REDEEMER on our side.

Apart from Christ…. I’m Nothing💍

What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? (Psalms 8:4 kjv)

The older I got the less I knew about myself. Abuse, life, drugs, and this world had took its toll on me I felt misunderstood and misplaced in a big world with no identity to call my own. I seen how my past affected the way I looked at Jesus (He revealed it to me in a dream) how I viewed Him as an image of a corruptible man the more I seeked the less I knew, the less I knew the more realized that I needed Jesus. Not the cookie cutter Jesus that so many referred to because it looked good on paper no I wanted the REAL thing I had to have the REAL thing.

What are we? That God loves us so much. He is so mindful of us and the thoughts He thinks towards us is good and not evil. He is our Creator, and He holds each and every one of us in the palm of His hand I am truly blessed to be chosen by God to be saved by way of Jesus Christ. How beautiful is our great God!! And how His mercy endures, how when we were still sinners Christ died for us isn’t that such a heart warming thing? We reject love a lot of times because we DON’T know love the world has conditioned us with a water down version on what love should be. Materialism, vanity, pride, lust, the list goes on and on…….

We are in the end of days. Time is drawing close for Christ to return! Don’t be left in the dark. The trumpets are starting to blow, many will be left behind and many don’t believe(just like in the days of Noah). My hope is that whoever is reading this blog post repents and seeks Jesus Christ all it takes is this:

Acknowledge that you are a sinner

Repent for your sins and Ask God for Forgiveness

Ask Jesus to be your Lord and Savior. Ask the Lord to come into your heart as Lord of your life. 

Believe that He died and He rose & Get in the Word & Stay Connected to God.

I hope this Message finds you well. May God bless you and Keep you!

Philipians 5:17-19 says, ” Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. Quench not the spirit.”

Don’t Be Afraid, God’s Shaping You 💪🏽

I am currently in the middle of a spiritual transition. I am shedding the old, and making way for the new things that El Shaddai(God) has in store for me. Leaving behind these old thoughts that has haunted me since childhood, and replacing them with the unchanging Word of the Living Most High God in Heaven. I am scared, but isn’t being fearful a part of human life? It just depends on how rational or irrational your fear is and how you allow it to channel into your life. Stressing over what people think(that’s irrational) panicking over this coronavirus(that’s irrational) Fearing The Most High God and walking in His grace and begging for His mercy to endure upon you (that’s rational). There is so much going on in the world, so much that takes our minds off Christ that leads us to sink into the water rather than walking on the water towards Him.

We are all going through a transformation this new year. Are you striving to have a deeper relationship with Christ resulting in your moment to walk on the water with Him, or are you letting the obstacles and doubt of this world make you sink deeper into the waters of life stripping your mind of the Prince of Peace?

Maybe you don’t believe, and your looking for a sign so you can also experience Divine transformation well here it is:

Being born of the Spirit can’t be explained ONLY experienced Hallelujah!!

May The Most High God give you strength on your journey He’s shaping you.🌼

Sabbath Songs: Renew Me 🦅

Renew me Lord and teach me thy ways

Give us strength because we are in the last days

Everything leaves me in haze, so much going on that I’m left in a daze

But You my Lord are my King; I can’t deny the fact that You make my soul sing!

I’m tired of feeling so depressed, I’m tired of feeling as though I have no rest

Those who wait upon You renew strength, those who wait upon You know You’re at arm’s length

Fear not Beloved”, You whisper to my soul my dear Adonai You make me feel whole

You give me Your peace my dearest Lord only You can renew me

I love You so much Lord that I cry, I hate that I always question why

I shall praise You through my tears, I shall keep You close even though sometimes I fear

Lord! I sing this song to You; Lord I believe Your words to be true

Lord let’s go deeper together; I believe You will keep me safe under Your feathers

Please my Adonai can you renew me too? Your word says “You make all things new

I believe this to be true, therefore I place my hope solely in You.

I love You Yahweh, faith shall get me through.

I cannot wait to see You. 🌻

Selah 🌻

I praise You Jesus Christ, Thank you for Your matchless sacrifice 🌻

Sabbath songs: Songs to sing on the Sabbath Vol 3

Sabbath Songs: God be Merciful, To Dedee A Sinner.🙇🏽‍♀️

Lord, the world doesn’t believe Your real

It doesn’t matter because I can feel

Change my soul, please make me whole

I want my name in the Book of Life, I long for the days where we will be without strife

Sometimes it looks so grim, somedays I feel as though I won’t win

I look to Christ , and I acknowledge His SACRIFICE what He did on the Cross

How He kept my soul from being lost

The world laughs, the world mocks a lot of people will surely rock

Every knee shall bow and every tongue shall confess

I will put my trust in You because that’s BEST

Glorious King! You shall come, Let us all praise The Risen One (Christ)

Please Be Merciful to Dedee A Sinner, I trust that You Lord will make her a winner.

She will tell her story, because it’s drenched in Your glory.

Thank You Lord for Loving Me!

Praise You Christ, for staying near me.

Selah 🌸

Sabbath Songs: Volume 3 Songs to sing to Yahweh on the Sabbath

Witness Wednesday: Self Hatred

Recovering from my childhood trauma has taught me many things, but one thing that has stuck with me is that it was better for me to go to Christ when I was broken rather than going to Him when I figured I was “whole”. For a long time I struggled, and some days I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy I often have self-hatred come in to try to take me captive the more I dealt with these feelings the more I realized that I changed God into this same image that I projected onto myself.

Why do we as humans do this? Why do we anker Christ onto feelings that we feel about ourselves? Resulting in us burning bridges before they are built. Will we ever be good enough? That depends what is your definition of “good”? Have you defined good as a state of perfection that cannot be made manifested in a fallen society? Are you willing to accept that Christ loves us unconditional no matter what, and despite the fact we weren’t good enough He still died for us. Resulting in you accepting His offer by changing how you see Him seeing His sacrifice as a reason on why you should be good rather than why you need to be good.

Everyone deserves to be loved, it’s the hallmark of a humans existence what more can a person ask for? Question is, Do you allow God to love you? Or do you push Him away with your own feelings of self-hatred? When people speak of God do you imagine hatred or do you see love manifested on the cross?

Hebrews 4:15 kjv

Maybe you think I’m foolish because I believe in Christ. Honestly I don’t care what you think, but I will tell you this I’m a BORN again sinner whose in a battle just like you. I’m tired of fighting with my own carnal devices I’m choosing to stick to a Savior who understands my weaknesses and that my fellow reader is where I get my strength from.

We all fall short, it just depends on what you do once you get up……

Witness Wednesday: Volume 1

Narcissistic Mother: Can God Love Me?

My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth. – 1 John 3:18 Kjv

Love. What is love? Can love be taught, or does it come naturally to people? Growing up in my abusive narcissistic household I figured love was more of a superficial thing meaning words don’t have to match actions. If I got hit accept it because I love you, if I berate you deal with it because I love you after all I’m your mother and I know what’s “best” for you. As it says in the Word “Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise). Love. What is it? Can someone explain it to me? When I was younger I at times felt a lot of guilt because I didn’t have love towards my narcissistic mother I felt ashamed at the fact that I actually resented her, and at one point I actually hated her.

I was never really shown love properly I was shown dysfunction and treated with extreme toxicity to the point that I forgot who I was before I actually knew who I was. I was more or less shown destructive treatment over trivial things that children sometimes did resulting in me sinking deeper, and deeper into myself to hide how hurt and angry I was. Beaten with belt buckles, stripped down to be beaten with extension cords, woken up to be made to sleep outside, and slapped down in front of family at family functions the list of toxicity goes on and on. As I write this tears flood my eyes, as victims of abuse we often question, and ask if God could ever love us. Can The Most High really wipe away the hurt and pain that we feel? Or is God just like my abuser? I mean what is love? Does it even exist?

I actually felt like if His love was anything like my mother’s love then I didn’t want it. When Jesus Christ was upon the earth He never told His disciples that He loved them He let His actions show that He loved them, as the old saying goes “actions speak louder than words”. Going no contact helped me understand that His love isn’t like the cheap superficial love that we get from the world. He also helped me understand that my mother had a lot of hurt in her heart, a lot of pain that she was withholding and instead of going to Christ for healing she chose to push all that pain unto a child that reminded her of herself, and that child was me. I decided that I’m not going to look at myself through the eyes of my mother anymore I am leaving that part of me in the past because being in Christ I am a new creation.

Just think about it.. How can your abuser give you something that wasn’t given to them? How can you receive comfort from someone who was only given chaos? That’s like breaking a doves wing and expecting it to fly… it’s not gonna happen. Hurt people only know how to hurt people it’s not your fault they were hurt the only hurt you can take care of is your own and the only One who can help is Christ. Can the Most High love you? Certainly! Can the Most High wash away those feeling of shame and guilt? Most definitely only if YOU LET HIM! He can love You more than your human mind can fathom, matter of fact He is the embodiment of LOVE. He even tells us how love is, and how it should be “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 kjv

Trust Me, God Understands and He knows how you feel. No need to feel guilt and shame that isn’t even yours to begin with. May He comfort you on your healing journey as you walk this narrow path. Amen