Recovering from my childhood trauma has taught me many things, but one thing that has stuck with me is that it was better for me to go to Christ when I was broken rather than going to Him when I figured I was “whole”. For a long time I struggled, and some days I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy I often have self-hatred come in to try to take me captive the more I dealt with these feelings the more I realized that I changed God into this same image that I projected onto myself.
Why do we as humans do this? Why do we anker Christ onto feelings that we feel about ourselves? Resulting in us burning bridges before they are built. Will we ever be good enough? That depends what is your definition of “good”? Have you defined good as a state of perfection that cannot be made manifested in a fallen society? Are you willing to accept that Christ loves us unconditional no matter what, and despite the fact we weren’t good enough He still died for us. Resulting in you accepting His offer by changing how you see Him seeing His sacrifice as a reason on why you should be good rather than why you need to be good.
Everyone deserves to be loved, it’s the hallmark of a humans existence what more can a person ask for? Question is, Do you allow God to love you? Or do you push Him away with your own feelings of self-hatred? When people speak of God do you imagine hatred or do you see love manifested on the cross?
Maybe you think I’m foolish because I believe in Christ. Honestly I don’t care what you think, but I will tell you this I’m a BORN again sinner whose in a battle just like you. I’m tired of fighting with my own carnal devices I’m choosing to stick to a Savior who understands my weaknesses and that my fellow reader is where I get my strength from.
We all fall short, it just depends on what you do once you get up……
My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth. – 1 John 3:18 Kjv
Love. What is love? Can love be taught, or does it come naturally to people? Growing up in my abusive narcissistic household I figured love was more of a superficial thing meaning words don’t have to match actions. If I got hit accept it because I love you, if I berate you deal with it because I love you after all I’m your mother and I know what’s “best” for you. As it says in the Word “Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise). Love. What is it? Can someone explain it to me? When I was younger I at times felt a lot of guilt because I didn’t have love towards my narcissistic mother I felt ashamed at the fact that I actually resented her, and at one point I actually hated her.
I was never really shown love properly I was shown dysfunction and treated with extreme toxicity to the point that I forgot who I was before I actually knew who I was. I was more or less shown destructive treatment over trivial things that children sometimes did resulting in me sinking deeper, and deeper into myself to hide how hurt and angry I was. Beaten with belt buckles, stripped down to be beaten with extension cords, woken up to be made to sleep outside, and slapped down in front of family at family functions the list of toxicity goes on and on. As I write this tears flood my eyes, as victims of abuse we often question, and ask if God could ever love us. Can The Most High really wipe away the hurt and pain that we feel? Or is God just like my abuser? I mean what is love? Does it even exist?
I actually felt like if His love was anything like my mother’s love then I didn’t want it. When Jesus Christ was upon the earth He never told His disciples that He loved them He let His actions show that He loved them, as the old saying goes “actions speak louder than words”. Going no contact helped me understand that His love isn’t like the cheap superficial love that we get from the world. He also helped me understand that my mother had a lot of hurt in her heart, a lot of pain that she was withholding and instead of going to Christ for healing she chose to push all that pain unto a child that reminded her of herself, and that child was me. I decided that I’m not going to look at myself through the eyes of my mother anymore I am leaving that part of me in the past because being in Christ I am a new creation.
Just think about it.. How can your abuser give you something that wasn’t given to them? How can you receive comfort from someone who was only given chaos? That’s like breaking a doves wing and expecting it to fly… it’s not gonna happen. Hurt people only know how to hurt people it’s not your fault they were hurt the only hurt you can take care of is your own and the only One who can help is Christ. Can the Most High love you? Certainly! Can the Most High wash away those feeling of shame and guilt? Most definitely only if YOU LET HIM! He can love You more than your human mind can fathom, matter of fact He is the embodiment of LOVE. He even tells us how love is, and how it should be “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 kjv
Trust Me, God Understands and He knows how you feel. No need to feel guilt and shame that isn’t even yours to begin with. May He comfort you on your healing journey as you walk this narrow path. Amen
Healing takes time, and despite what many people would like you to believe it only up to YOU to understand and conquer your own healing process. Effects from childhood trauma/abuse stays with the recipient long after the abuse was administered. Well anyways here is my list of “Ten things I learned while healing from Childhood Abuse”. May Yahweh Bless you on your healing journey.
The best things in life are Christ. (He makes you free)
Resting on Christ’s word is the ULTIMATE therapy in gaining healing from abuse.
Being the bigger person isn’t easy but it’s worth it in the end Yahweh will only judge you based off your actions not the actions of another person.
Many people won’t understand you (don’t expect them to) Yahweh understands you and that’s the only thing that matters
It’s up to YOU to either break the cycle of abuse, or to keep the cycle going.
Don’t let abuse make you bitter, instead opt for BETTER.
Abuse makes you more aware of how truly toxic people can be and it sharpens your discernment skills as well.
What people say or think about you doesn’t even matter, people who are quick to make warped judgements DO NOT KNOW YOU they certainly don’t know the struggles you have overcome.
While they label, LAUGH you are STRONGER than you appear, and WISER than you seem.
Good days and bad days (everyone had them) it’s up to you to push through with a smile or a frown.
This is a list that I have complied of ten things that I have learned while healing from my childhood abuse. Life happens, and it happens HARD sometimes. I found that crying out to The Most High Yahweh helps me tremendously, He gives me profound strength in this hard world. I pray my list motivates you and encourage you to see the rainbow in the sky, because after all in order to see the rainbow you must first get through the rain. ❤ May Christ comfort you all. Danyah. ❤
Disclaimer: Please READ!!!! Luke 21:26-28 I plead the blood of Jesus Christ over this message I bind and rebuke any demonic spirits and principalities in the name of Jesus Christ that try to stop this word from going forth. Praise the true living God Yahweh!
We are living in the end of days, and if you don’t know it I don’t know what to tell you its time to wake up and really see the truth the truth of the light in the midst of the darkness that is around us. Demonic attacks are on the rise, and many people are walking around thinking they are better than God, or like He doesn’t exist many people put themselves before Him often thinking that their careers or their ambitions are better than The Most High’s calling on their life. We are in periloustimes what’s evil is good, and what’s good is evil if your one who seeks truth like I seek truth you will find that the devil doesn’t play fair, and he uses people whose minds are already warped from this wicked society. He uses these people to attack you people will rise up against you and the devil will speak through them I have seen it, I am seeing it I have heard it I hear it, and I look at these infected people with sorrow, and amazement at how the enemy can use them so blatantly, and these individuals don’t even know.
The scary part is, they think they are doing the right thing, and its very horrific because we are nearing to the end the veil will be lifted, and they will ultimately see how deceived they were by the enemy and how the ones they attacked were just trying to warn them from their ultimate fate. As Christians, we must guard our hearts and rest on the Lord, we must guard our hearts from the deceived, from those who think they know Christ, but haven’t given him their heart fully(Lukewarm). This goes for family, as I stated earlier we are in perilous times take heed that NO MAN DECIEVES YOU. When Jesus came to the earth He came not to bring peace but a sword this battle is VERY real, demons are real they are among us they are aiming to take your soul, and they operate through family, co workers and so called “friends”. They choose those who already operate in darkness because they are a open portal for them to use, they use those whose minds are already in a reprobated state. You don’t think that darkness knows light? Trust me, the enemy knows who Gods people are, and he aims to kill, steal, and destroy.
It’s not a cake walk, it is written in Matthew 7:14-15
14 Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.
15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
Meaning, that many people won’t find this road, and many people won’t make it they rather go the broad way because they are deceived into thinking the ways of this world and Luke warmness is the way to go. Many have become warped, and some choose to outright live in darkness with a seared conscious, what must we do as followers of Christ? Be an example to this dark world, to our families to people at work to all those around you, the enemy attacks and when he attacks he attacks hard it is written, When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD shall lift up a standard against him. Isaiah 59:19. He attacks all at once hoping that you in the midst of your frail human emotions do something that you later regret because you forgot that you have a mighty God that fights your battles for you.
The Lord is MIGHTY! He is POWERFUL He is worthy of all PRAISE! He gave us the power to pull down strongholds with His word. How wonderful and reassuring is that? The enemy has many people on his team but the Lord has quality over quantity, think of the people who rose against you, pray for them love them and forgive them. Is the servant greater than the master? Never. Walk in peace towards all men.The people who come against you are walking vessels used by satan, and the scary part my brethren is these people don’t even know they are being used.
Guard your heart! Guard it because out of it comes the issues of life, guard it from the debased, guard it from the double-minded, guard it from those who walk in darkness and chose to blaspheme the true Living God. We guard our hearts by letting Christ have full reign in our hearts, and minds. One last thing that Father wants me to let you know” Be wise as Serpents and harmless as doves”(Matthew 10:16 kjv) We are in the midst of wolves, they are everywhere in your family on your jobs, in your churches EVERYWHERE. Remember brethren that the Lord will raise a standard for His beloved children no matter who the enemy gets to rise up against you remember that God is on His chosen’s side. Praise the Lord, May Christ bless you and keep you I pray you gained edification from this Mighty word sent forth from Him. Amen ❤ His word wont return back void.
I’ll be honest with you all here, I used to think that The Most High would hate me if I didn’t talk to my abusive mother. Because in a lot of ways I thought that mother was right all the time so surely The Most High was on her side, but alas evil has it way of manipulating those who are vulnerable, and ignorant to its devices. Growing up in this sinister environment I start getting molded from a early age to accept evil, and that the ambiguous behavior that was occurring from my abuser was normal and if I questioned it I was not only going against my abusive mother but initially God Himself.
What’s actually dishonoring a parent? Dishonoring a parent to me is simply bad mouthing them to people, calling them out their name to people. Plotting evil on them and telling people how you wish to do them in wishing death on them. Dishonoring a parent isn’t when you stop associating with them it just simply means you acknowledge them for who they are. The Most High God Yahweh gives everyone free will to do what they want, and to be who THEY want to be. Honestly it isn’t your job to change anybody the only one you can actually change is yourself, and the only one who can change anybody is Yahweh but that is only if the participate wants change themselves.Normally narcs don’t want change, nor do they desire to seek change because they feel that they are right and that they have authority to behave the way they deem fit. In such cases we call people like these reprobates the Bible even tells us so.
Let me tell you one thing that I learned on my path of healing with The Most High your giving the negativity of your relationship with your narcissist energy when you bad mouth them or express how much you dislike them. That’s how demonic beings thrive and profit off you that’s how they drain your energy. I used to live in a cycle of hurt, regret, and shame until I actually got older, and I went no contact then I started to form my own relationship with The Most High.
I had to choose on that very day that I went no contact did I want to worship The Most High Yahweh, or did I want to worship my abusive controlling narcissistic mother? The Most High told me in order for us to have a successful intimate relationship I had to let my entire family go, because with them under the control of my abusive mother I would never have spiritual growth. Instead of being able to get closer to The Most High and the revelations that He provided they would be damaged by my family who claimed to know The Most High ,and worship Him but in actuality they were worshipping my narcissistic mother. My mother never loved Yahweh she didn’t even know Him or care to have a relationship with Him, she just always cherry picked that scripture about “Honor thy Mother and Father so your days can be long on this earth” so that she could make it look like The Most High was on her side while she abused me. I feel like that was a tactic used by the devil to make me turn my back on God, and to never actually pursue a relationship with Him, but as we can see it didn’t work.
I honor my abuser my accepting her for who she is I am not expecting change from her. I accept that the projections that were placed on me weren’t part of what lurked inside of me but actually my mother. My mother is sick, and she has issues my whole family all my siblings each have their own battles they are facing but they are keeping up the false façade that everything is normal. They forsaken me, and The Most High took me in they abandoned me and He accepted me into His home.
If you don’t feel at peace about it in your spirit then its not from The Most High Yahweh, if you are around someone and they make you feel uncomfortable or they are always making you feel unimportant. If they are always talking down to you, or they look at you will evil intent, cut these people off I had to cut my entire family off because I didn’t want to keep up the generational curse I wanted to destroy them. Do I regret it? No and neither will you. I pray someone gets edification from this post.