I ran across a Chinese proverb it said,” After all, harming others means you first harm yourself”, when I read this it struck a cord with me because I am a vict(or)im of abuse. I am going on three years no contact with my family, and at this point in my journey I am on a path of understanding, and discarding all the negative memories that are embedded into me. Some days are okay, but a lot of days are great they are great because I am discovering the person I was before the abuse began. If you ever met anyone who was open enough to tell you about their abusive childhood they will tell you that the abused robbed them physically, mentally, emotional, and SPIRITUALLY.
My purpose wasn’t made clear to me. My abuser didn’t have a purpose that she was aware of hell, it was stripped from her so why not strip it from someone who isn’t capable to perceive what was actually going on around them? Make your victim a dumping ground for all the anger that you refuse to acknowledge is there also make them the main source of supply, because instead of getting proper healing they will instead choose to pass the baton of wickedness known as abuse. She robbed me of years but going no contact helped me see how toxic my mother was, and how demonically controlled my family is and how she really berated me to the point that I lost sight of who I was before I even became whole.
It takes some victims of abuse years before they see the light at the end of the tunnel, and decades before they leave the tunnel. I didn’t start healing until I left completely and many victims never see results in healing until they leave the toxic situations. Some days I feel lost, and other days I feel strong one thing I have learned on this path of healing is you shouldn’t judge yourself based off of how your abuser treated you. Your not dumb, your not stupid, your not evil but you were abused and it’s not your fault you won’t be held accountable for what your abuser did to you but you will be held accountable for how you let it make you. For the longest time after I stopped associating myself with my family I was bitter, I felt lost it wasn’t until I actually separated the abused me from the real me that I seen that I am loved, I am wanted, and I am adored. I didn’t need my mothers approval because she didn’t even know how to approve herself the only approval that I need to obtain is Yahweh The Most High God.
You are a survivor of abuse. You will be a conqueror of abuse. I choose to let my past strengthen me. I choose not to let the abuse that I suffered in my childhood change me as a person. I will still love. I will still encourage. I will still push forward. I will still reach for The Most High Yahweh. And I will still receive the healing that Christ gives me. Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. 1 John 4:4
As a abuse survivor I have learned these two things: 1.) That healing is a journey that no one can help you with except Christ, and YOU ALONE must venture on this journey ALONE (with Christ of course.) and 2.)That if you do not get healing from your abuse it can lead you to be filled with bitterness, and resentment not only for your abuser, but you will also resent others who when you tell them your story they quickly shut you out and tell you to get over your abuse without them trying to understand why you feel the way you feel. So what does this mean, and why should healing be important to a abuse victim/survivor? It is important to point out that The Most High God in Heaven never intended for children to be abused let alone abused by their own parents. This creates confusion in the child from a early age it creates a root of bitterness that can last well into adulthood if it is not healed properly. The victim must be willing to walk on this path alone carrying the cross that seems heavy at first, but over time provides them with power of understanding that they do have the strength to overcome through Christ Jesus.
When the Holy Spirit hit me I was in shock, I cried like the little girl I once was when He touched my heart to understand it all started to make sense. That’s when the memories came flooding back into my mind they came rushing like water that pours down from the sky on a rainy day, you know that rain that doesn’t seem to go away but somehow you get comfort in hearing it fall from the sky? Yeah, that’s what I started to experience as I asked God to reveal to me the error in not only my mother’s ways but also the error in my ways there is a scripture in the word that says”, With thy getting get understanding“.
My mother was a woman who was also abused by her mother, she was also grew up without her father or without ever knowing who he was. She was also battling the hurt of her inner child, my mother was like so many other women who come out of these childhood settings. They translate their weaknesses onto their children leaving them feeling shame and bitterness that was first felt by the original abuser the children who get a taste of the anguish never really escape the feelings that was transmitted onto them until they heal. She actually emulated to us what had been done to her the same hurts, and agonies that plagued her she simply passed them on instead of her voicing her hurt or calling out to Christ for healing she tried to pretend so desperately that everything was okay.
I hurt, and I cry a lot not only for me and not only for my mother but for all the victims of abuse that also go through this. The effects that it leaves in a victims heart leaves them plagued with loneliness, and desolation and that is just what the enemy wants for you to feel. Loneliness and traumatized without fully understanding that Christ can truly fill the void in your heart. His word says that he will give you a new heart, and that when you are in Christ you are a new creation and that is something that the enemy doesn’t want you to partake in. He doesn’t want you having the strength that God Himself ordained you to have as His Word states, “I Can Do All Things Through Christ That Strengths Me”(Philippians 4:13) and that includes having the strength to understand. One must be willing to allow the Holy Spirit to overflow in them so proper healing and mending can take place, I had to let him open my heart to gain understanding in why my mother was so abusive without feeling anger, and hurt. So the questions I have to the abuse survivor is this, Do you think that your problems are too big for Yahweh to solve? That your hurts are to great for Him to heal? Regardless of what anyone tells you the most important decision you can make as a abuse victim is to let Jesus Christ come into your heart so that proper healing can take place.
Pick one of these for yourself: Victor Vs. Victim, Pain vs. Power, Life Vs. Death, Good vs. Evil. Healing Vs Hurting. Righteousness vs. Wickness.
Choose this day what garbage you will let fill up your home. I chose to let Jesus Christ Heal my Heart, and Mind from the abuse that plagued me. He made me a Victor of childhood abuse, He broke the chains so that I will not keep the cycle going but instead I will prevent it. I am healing from not only my childhood abuse but also my mothers childhood abuse. I have forgiven because I know that I have God’s Glory in my story and with that I will say Amen.
Growing up in my childhood home I always felt a sense of emptiness that still creeps up every now and again just to make me feel a little if not a lot of insecurity. I never was shown genuine love, and now as a woman in my mid 20’s I feel awkward when people display acts of kindness for me, or even when they show how much they appreciate and love me. A abuse victim normally goes through this cycle in their life sometimes they feel so paranoid that everyone is just like their abuser, aiming to steal, kill ,and destroy you with every move they make. Its not hard for me to accept that with the way I was raised it became evident to me that it was hard for me to distinguish good from bad, light from darkness, and sweet from bitter.
Im starting to learn on my healing path with Christ that we as individuals seem to only accept the love that we think we deserve not the love we should have, not only love but thoughts and people we surround ourselves with. I’ve learned that how we treat each other reflects how The Most High will treat us because as His word says you “Reap what you sow” love and kindness does get you far not only with people, but with the Creator Himself. If you treat people with loyalty, and respect it will in turn be handed back to you, if you spread out positivity, and love you will also get it back. As people we tend to attract what we are so ask yourself “What am I attracting to myself, or what do I think I deserve in my life?”
It’s funny because I get called sensitive a lot, and people think that I take small things to heart too much, but honestly I’m just in tune to my feelings I’m aware of who I am as a person. That I wont be tied down by abuse anymore, and that I don’t have to accept being mistreated by anyone,and if something hurts or if I’m hurting I will make it known because in this day and age many people are so disconnected from their true selves that they don’t even know who they are. I aim to look at the power in my pain, and to rely on the Lord for my strength because whether any man wants to admit it or not Yahweh is The One who keeps this whole place running, and if He be for me who can be against me?
His word tells me” He will never leave me, nor forsake me“, and I believe them desperately I wont lie to you not even to Him sometimes my past hurts me sometimes I still feel like that little abused girl whose looking for her mother to approve of her, but instead all I’m left with is a woman who was left broken by her abusive mother who was also broken. A woman who will patiently wait for the Lord to deliver her, and to redeem her from her struggles that plague her day to day. I decided that I wont go back because now I’m old enough to stand for what’s true and genuine I used to let my past influence how I treated others, but why be bitter? People often don’t understand me, but that’s okay I’ve learned to do the one thing that most, and many people never learn to do and that is acceptance of self. I accept the way I look, talk, walk, and feel I know that The Most High created us all differently and that’s the most amazing and beautiful thing about being human.
That’s the main reason I treat everyone with sweetness because so many people choose bitterness not because that’s what they want, but because that’s all they were ever shown. So I as a conscious human make the choice to be kind even when bitterness is placed in my path because in doing so I reap the rewards of an eternal Yahweh that is always present, and is always looking out to reward His children not only with gifts but love also. I’m just hoping that the human reading my post also chooses sweetness because it only takes a second to make someone smile, and kindness is a drug worth sharing. Thanks for reading I hope you received edification from this today. Do you agree or disagree? Let me know 🙏🏾💝
Thank You for reading my blog post! Please remember to love yourself because The Most High Loves you. Have a blessed day!!💝
Disclaimer: Your words can have the BIGGEST IMPACT ON SOMEONE, even on YOURSELF we can either build each other up with kindness or break each other down with cruelty. Always be cautious of how you use your words because in your mouth is LIFE and DEATH.
Meeting new people is always a exhilarating experience for me, I love talking but I especially love talking to new people. And listening to their kind words always make my heart melt, and one simple thought of consideration makes me smile because it shows me that we do have light in the midst of darkness and I can thank forfriendswithoutborders.wordpress.com because He nominated me for The Kindness Award.
Thank you Rob , (The V Pub) Your awesome💖
Thank the person nominating you, and tag them.
Write a paragraph or more on the experience of an act of kindness or something you have read or seen, or done, yourself
Nominate three people who have to follow the rules and do the same as written above
Paste and copy the picture from above on your post. Let the people you nominated know they have been nominated
As I said in the beginning I love meeting new people I work in a doctor’s office so I meet a lot of different people everyday. There was this one lady that came in to get her annual check up I noticed that she was jittery she was also very talkative, and self-conscious in the middle of her pre-exam she opened up to me about her insecurities, and why as a lady in her mid 50s she was so anxious. She told me about her childhood, and how she had a abusive narcissistic father, and how she was badly damaged from the years of verbal, and physical trauma she endured throughout her childhood. My heart immediately sank because I also went through the same things that she expressed she looked at me after she told me a little bit of her history I guess she was assuming I was gonna be like the rest of the world, and dismiss her hurts as petty problems that should be let go and thrown into the sea. I looked at the lady as tears started to weld up in my eyes, and I hugged her so tight I hugged her and I told her it’s gonna be okay I understand the same pain that she carries in her spirit. I told this patient that The Most High looks after children like us the hardest because He knows we were damaged even before we became complete that He is the only one that can heal and help us and that He wont FORSAKEN us. I told her that people who don’t go through this type of abuse would never understand feeling the pain of having a mother/father that doesn’t love them. I hugged that lady so tight, praying that the words of encouragement that The Lord planted in my heart became seeds in that sweet lady’s soul. Everyone just wants someone to listen to their pain. Like I said in the beginning your words are either Life or DEATH choose wisely and please be kind we are all fighting a different battle. Being Kind is the Best Free Gift.
Now for the best part nominating three people(I don’t know how to tag hopefully someone will help me) I decided to nominate three of the kindest people I have met so far on my blogging journey. I’m hoping that they can spread their kindness to you also just like they have spread it to me.