One thing I have learned from my walk in Christ is that I must stay humble no matter what circumstances are placed in front of my course. Even if my past is thrown in my face by people who think they “know” me. I will stay humble. People who laugh at me, or mock me I will stay humble. I am starting to understand that no one can change how God sees me I shall remain humble. I used to be hurt over my past hurts and traumas, but NOW I will remain humble. Lord please allow whoever is reading this post remain humble. Lord Jesus please let us stay humble. Some days we may feel like running on this narrow road, some days we feel like walking but let us remain humble in your steadfast love. One thing you must remember in your walk with Christ is that carrying your cross doesn’t mean you should be bitter over your past, but it means that in whatever struggles you endured always remember that in your story there is God’s Glory. Stay Humble, Stay Sincere the Lord uses our pain so that when we push through we can show proof of His power. We must Love each other. We must Help each other. We must be Humble and Sincerewith each other. As Jesus Christ, the Son of the True and Living God has done for us we must also do for each other. Amen
Disclaimer: I say this to the one who is reading this and hasn’t accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Please think of the Blood that he shed for your sins. When he died on the cross He died for your sins. Without Him you can not go to the Father. So ask yourself this if Jesus isn’t your Savior who is? Who is gonna save your soul from eternal flames?? Because Jesus Christ is the only way you will enter heaven, or is your pride stopping you from receiving His gospel?. He is the ONLY savior we have you must REPENT and TURN from your evil ways. Do you really think you can make it to heaven on your own merits? Or are you so blinded to actually deceive yourself into thinking its all fairytales and make believe. I challenge you to test Him you will not be ashamed or disappointment. May Christ Call you, and God Bless you. In Jesus Christ Name.
As a abuse survivor I have learned these two things: 1.) That healing is a journey that no one can help you with except Christ, and YOU ALONE must venture on this journey ALONE (with Christ of course.) and 2.)That if you do not get healing from your abuse it can lead you to be filled with bitterness, and resentment not only for your abuser, but you will also resent others who when you tell them your story they quickly shut you out and tell you to get over your abuse without them trying to understand why you feel the way you feel. So what does this mean, and why should healing be important to a abuse victim/survivor? It is important to point out that The Most High God in Heaven never intended for children to be abused let alone abused by their own parents. This creates confusion in the child from a early age it creates a root of bitterness that can last well into adulthood if it is not healed properly. The victim must be willing to walk on this path alone carrying the cross that seems heavy at first, but over time provides them with power of understanding that they do have the strength to overcome through Christ Jesus.
When the Holy Spirit hit me I was in shock, I cried like the little girl I once was when He touched my heart to understand it all started to make sense. That’s when the memories came flooding back into my mind they came rushing like water that pours down from the sky on a rainy day, you know that rain that doesn’t seem to go away but somehow you get comfort in hearing it fall from the sky? Yeah, that’s what I started to experience as I asked God to reveal to me the error in not only my mother’s ways but also the error in my ways there is a scripture in the word that says”, With thy getting get understanding“.
My mother was a woman who was also abused by her mother, she was also grew up without her father or without ever knowing who he was. She was also battling the hurt of her inner child, my mother was like so many other women who come out of these childhood settings. They translate their weaknesses onto their children leaving them feeling shame and bitterness that was first felt by the original abuser the children who get a taste of the anguish never really escape the feelings that was transmitted onto them until they heal. She actually emulated to us what had been done to her the same hurts, and agonies that plagued her she simply passed them on instead of her voicing her hurt or calling out to Christ for healing she tried to pretend so desperately that everything was okay.
I hurt, and I cry a lot not only for me and not only for my mother but for all the victims of abuse that also go through this. The effects that it leaves in a victims heart leaves them plagued with loneliness, and desolation and that is just what the enemy wants for you to feel. Loneliness and traumatized without fully understanding that Christ can truly fill the void in your heart. His word says that he will give you a new heart, and that when you are in Christ you are a new creation and that is something that the enemy doesn’t want you to partake in. He doesn’t want you having the strength that God Himself ordained you to have as His Word states, “I Can Do All Things Through Christ That Strengths Me”(Philippians 4:13) and that includes having the strength to understand. One must be willing to allow the Holy Spirit to overflow in them so proper healing and mending can take place, I had to let him open my heart to gain understanding in why my mother was so abusive without feeling anger, and hurt. So the questions I have to the abuse survivor is this, Do you think that your problems are too big for Yahweh to solve? That your hurts are to great for Him to heal? Regardless of what anyone tells you the most important decision you can make as a abuse victim is to let Jesus Christ come into your heart so that proper healing can take place.
Pick one of these for yourself: Victor Vs. Victim, Pain vs. Power, Life Vs. Death, Good vs. Evil. Healing Vs Hurting. Righteousness vs. Wickness.
Choose this day what garbage you will let fill up your home. I chose to let Jesus Christ Heal my Heart, and Mind from the abuse that plagued me. He made me a Victor of childhood abuse, He broke the chains so that I will not keep the cycle going but instead I will prevent it. I am healing from not only my childhood abuse but also my mothers childhood abuse. I have forgiven because I know that I have God’s Glory in my story and with that I will say Amen.
Growing up in this type of household the child that experiences this type of abuse never feels good enough no matter what they do, no matter what achievements sit on their mantle. When you go around your narcissistic parent you are never comfortable you will always feel as though you are walking on eggshells, you also feel as though you are on a witness stand and everything you say is constantly being examined. Normally children who come from this setting always feel that they need their mother(or fathers) approval(if they go no contact they can turn into people pleasers, or they are always looking for attention from their spouse, friends, or even in the work environment). They need constant validation from their surroundings and if the person does not get it they slowly sink into a feeling of isolation, and emotional abandonment with a extreme backlash of social anxiety.
Victims of abuse always feel the need to over appreciate things that people may do for them the victim always has an urge to over apologize if they make a simple mistake because the narc has programmed their victim to take blame for problems that the narcissist actually caused (in steps scapegoat). The victim also has the tendency to place people on a remarkably high pedestal and when people tend to let them down(as humans do because alas we are only human) the victim can shift into a self analytical picking at their flaws, and blaming themselves for the fickle behavior that the other party displayed. They have strong trust issues, and they tend to not show their true self to others out of fear of being ridiculed, and rejected they have learned not to tell others about their abuse because the abuser gets defended as being a caring parent, and the victim as an ungrateful child who should just,” bury the hatchet, or your being overdramatic”.
The narcissist rewrites old memories always making you out to be the bad guy all the while minimizing their involvement, and their actions to make you feel sorry for the things the narc actually inherently did wrong(shifting blame to an innocent victim). The narc may broadcast how good he/she is a person to outsiders, and puts on a grandiose behavior on how much she/he helps people. Strangely enough when you call the narc for help they twist it around to make you feel worthless, and like an extreme burden of a failure the narc from this type of family dynamic always makes you feel guilty when your around them(like I said before about old memories). These evil people have a way of pulling a story back from 10 years ago to throw it in your face(my mother would tell me how when I was in her womb I didn’t move and when I came out my eyes were red so I was evil). They make you feel guilty for being you, and not thinking like them or agreeing to their dictative structures the victim typically rebels at a early age because they can sense the sinister energy from the abuser. The victim heart beats extremely fast when the narc’s name appears on their caller ID unsure of how the narc will approach them in conversation.
The narc loves to remind you that you will always “need” them (they will push the scripture, “Honor thy Mother and Father”) all the while they act in a dishonorable way inducing fear, and turmoil in the victims life forcing them without a shadow of doubt to feel as though they do not belong causing them to question The Most High, and also their morality because of the abuse that happens in this toxic environment. Victims when they grow older, and start to live, and work in the world can’t accept corrective criticism (even if it comes from a loving source) they typically develop severe anxiety and they shut down because all they can hear is the abuser yelling, and belittling them. The abuser normally calls the truthteller(scapegoat) crazy they systematically over the years program everyone in the family to see the truthteller(scapegoat) as nothing more than a crazy, downtrodden psychopath they do this to the point that they make the victim question their own mind. The abuser is crafty in doing this type of warfare because it breaks down the victim they see as a “problem” because they know that with this child there is a risk of exposure to the abuse that they administer.
Is there hope? The only hope that a victim that suffers from this traumatic abuse has is to go NO CONTACT once the abused leave this toxic environment they will then gain clarity once they research, and venture out they will start to understand slowly and surely that the abuser has, and will always be the PROBLEM! Save yourself many years of pain, and TROUBLE by DETOXING FROM ABUSE TODAY! May the Most High Yahweh Heal your heart on this path of healing like He is doing mines. Have a Blessed Detox, and always remember treat yourself good because no one else will(well Christ will) ❤ Adieu 💚
Stay Blessed, Stay Strong Hope Filled && Yah Willed Until Next time on “Talks with Danyah”🕊️🌸
Growing up in my childhood home I always felt a sense of emptiness that still creeps up every now and again just to make me feel a little if not a lot of insecurity. I never was shown genuine love, and now as a woman in my mid 20’s I feel awkward when people display acts of kindness for me, or even when they show how much they appreciate and love me. A abuse victim normally goes through this cycle in their life sometimes they feel so paranoid that everyone is just like their abuser, aiming to steal, kill ,and destroy you with every move they make. Its not hard for me to accept that with the way I was raised it became evident to me that it was hard for me to distinguish good from bad, light from darkness, and sweet from bitter.
Im starting to learn on my healing path with Christ that we as individuals seem to only accept the love that we think we deserve not the love we should have, not only love but thoughts and people we surround ourselves with. I’ve learned that how we treat each other reflects how The Most High will treat us because as His word says you “Reap what you sow” love and kindness does get you far not only with people, but with the Creator Himself. If you treat people with loyalty, and respect it will in turn be handed back to you, if you spread out positivity, and love you will also get it back. As people we tend to attract what we are so ask yourself “What am I attracting to myself, or what do I think I deserve in my life?”
It’s funny because I get called sensitive a lot, and people think that I take small things to heart too much, but honestly I’m just in tune to my feelings I’m aware of who I am as a person. That I wont be tied down by abuse anymore, and that I don’t have to accept being mistreated by anyone,and if something hurts or if I’m hurting I will make it known because in this day and age many people are so disconnected from their true selves that they don’t even know who they are. I aim to look at the power in my pain, and to rely on the Lord for my strength because whether any man wants to admit it or not Yahweh is The One who keeps this whole place running, and if He be for me who can be against me?
His word tells me” He will never leave me, nor forsake me“, and I believe them desperately I wont lie to you not even to Him sometimes my past hurts me sometimes I still feel like that little abused girl whose looking for her mother to approve of her, but instead all I’m left with is a woman who was left broken by her abusive mother who was also broken. A woman who will patiently wait for the Lord to deliver her, and to redeem her from her struggles that plague her day to day. I decided that I wont go back because now I’m old enough to stand for what’s true and genuine I used to let my past influence how I treated others, but why be bitter? People often don’t understand me, but that’s okay I’ve learned to do the one thing that most, and many people never learn to do and that is acceptance of self. I accept the way I look, talk, walk, and feel I know that The Most High created us all differently and that’s the most amazing and beautiful thing about being human.
That’s the main reason I treat everyone with sweetness because so many people choose bitterness not because that’s what they want, but because that’s all they were ever shown. So I as a conscious human make the choice to be kind even when bitterness is placed in my path because in doing so I reap the rewards of an eternal Yahweh that is always present, and is always looking out to reward His children not only with gifts but love also. I’m just hoping that the human reading my post also chooses sweetness because it only takes a second to make someone smile, and kindness is a drug worth sharing. Thanks for reading I hope you received edification from this today. Do you agree or disagree? Let me know 🙏🏾💝
Thank You for reading my blog post! Please remember to love yourself because The Most High Loves you. Have a blessed day!!💝
That’s one thing I finally understand the Lord spoke that into my spirit He whispered it quietly to me as I was sitting outside with Him during our morning coffee time. He whispered “Hurt people Hurt people and healed people heal people” He also guided me to a scripture :
Ephesians 4:18They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts.
Hurt people Hurt people if you think about it if a person is full of love they love people, if they are full of hope they spread hope to people.Unfortunately in the world we live in a world it is slowly being dominated by narcissistic people, a lot of people are desensitized, and nonreactive to the suffering of others. The pain that they carry in their hearts overwhelms their reasoning of sound judgement of right, and wrong we are currently living in a world where people are running out of hope, and also love for Christ.
One thing that I’m starting to understand on my healing journey is that my abusers/ flying monkey’s/enablers/bullies hurt people because they HURT. Being a victim of abuse themselves, or being used in abuse leaves a person feeling confused, empty, hollow,and alone. Do I hurt? Honestly some days are better than others, but I feel like The Most High God in Heaven has me on this journey of healing to not only help me, but to also help others. I am being used to help people who are looking for a resolution, used for the broken hearted that seek to tap into the uncharted waters of healing provided FREE by the God Of Israel.
One thing that oddly gives me satisfaction is seeing the smile on other peoples faces, and another thing that actually gives me tremendous joy is putting the love that Christ put in my heart putting it in other peoples heart. Because as sad as life can be at times it is also short so, why not spread love to others? We all face different battles, and we all experience pain differently we may endure struggles, but you never know that ONE time that you decide to shine some light on someone’s darkness the Lord could be using you as His vessel to shine light into their whole world. The only person you can control is yourself, so give others the best gift that free and that is KINDNESS.
Have a Blessed Sabbath, Remember don’t hurt people Heal them.
My siblings let me get beat looking back I’m not surprised honestly we all got beat but I feel, and know that I got the worst of it. The most my siblings ever did was capitalize off my punishment, by adding their own twisted pacification to the abuse that occurred from our narc mother. Like all debased narc families this is the reality of the scapegoated child it wasn’t until I went no contact that all the memories came rushing like a flood gate. Growing up my mother would beat into my head that I was evil, unworthy, and designed for destruction. It’s funny how the narc can make you feel so broken when in reality they hate you because of the purity your souls radiates, there are too many incidents to recall with my narc mother and may of these incidents are looked at as “normal” not only in society but also in my culture. The one incident that will forever stick with me is the one that started the breaking process it progressed into me becoming a rattled child, and a disgruntled young adult always looking for a way to fill the whole in my soul and to put out the fiery pain I felt.
Being in a narcassitic family does that to you whether your a scapegoat(like me), a golden child or a lost child abuse hits us all the same way we all grow up feeling a loss of something that your narc either stole from us or have guilt they purposely placed there that was really something they owned. it breaks an individual down to nothing.So what must one do? Turn to the Most High because as His word says”Psalms 27:10- When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up” The Lord is so merciful that he even states that, “As I was with Moses, so will I be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. (Joshua 1:5)
The Most High promises that He will never leave us nor FORSAKEN us, but unfortunately in the situation of a narcissistic family they forsake you, and leave you destroyed spiritually, mentally, and emotionally all the while disguising their abuse as love or something that they try to convey as normalcy. Now does The Most High really want us to be around abusers and tormentors it doesn’t make sense, why would The Most High want us to deal with something that contradicts His word? Honestly it never made sense to me when my mother would tell me “You only get one momma, and baby your gonna always need your momma“ , all the while with every beating she placed on me it felt like she was aiming to destroy my morality. It also shouldn’t make sense to you because growing up in these types of settings can make an individual feel devalued and belittled, so as the word says (“For what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness”– 2 Corinthians 6:14)
If you have a toxic family, or even if your in a toxic relationship ask yourself this ” Should I let this person invade my spirit, should I let them drain me of my energy? Am I even comfortable around this person or these people? Is this environment taking more out of me than it’s giving me?”. Be honest with yourselves search deep within yourself, as I know from personal experience it will NEVER CHANGE, and sadly over the years the abuse just gets more destructive, and disastrous. The only one you can change in this type of situation is yourself, and you can’t do it alone you need the healing, and help that the good Lord Himself provides because He doesn’t ask for much in return.
Sadly the wounds that are left from abuse only get bigger if you don’t leave these people out of your life I mean seriously the Lord loves His children to much to let us get abused continually (even in our adult years). These toxic people aren’t even walking in the light they don’t even have the love of the Father in their hearts they hate truth, and they also hate that which is GOOD. That’s the abusers aim to get you off track and to have you thinking your crazy all the while, they manipulate and exploit their victims leaving them confused and filled with self-doubt, and zero confidence. They steal your spiritual worth all while laughing all the way to the bank, don’t go spiritual bankrupt call on the name of The Lord, and you shall be saved He can and will heal you from the wounds and pain of the abuse.
Disclaimer: This blog post is a guest post from one of my networking buddies, Her name is Zifi and at the bottom is her contact info. If you love the way she writes Follow Her Blog!!! Thanks , Danyah “Dee”
Growing up with a narcissistic Mother is a defining experience. It influences decision-making throughout a lifetime, whether consciously or unconsciously. Explaining the impact of growing up with this family dynamic to someone who experienced love as a child is beyond complicated. These are a few things that I wish people understood.
Trust used to come naturally to me. However, once in recovery I had to begin questioning everything. No longer can I afford to take people at face value. Please do not take this personally. I question everything, because the things that were supposed to be a given in life were not what they seemed to be.
The person you saw and experienced was not who she really was. Just because you did not see the abuse, does not mean it did not happen. I was born to supply her with narcissistic supply. When the world did not treat her in the way she desired, she took that narcissistic supply from me in whatever way she deemed necessary.
Getting to the point of realizing and admitting to the experience of narcissistic abuse was a journey that made me question every part of myself. Please do not discount this journey. No one wants to admit their own Mother did not love them.
Loving someone without empathy or a conscious was a soul eroding experience. Choosing to hold onto my heart and empathy was the most painful choice I have ever made. My emotional spectrum is a conscious choice I paid greatly for.
I have been guilted into giving my original abuser the benefit of the doubt by society for a lifetime. The world does not like to believe women can have narcissistic and sociopathic traits, especially towards their own children. Not all women who have children are Mothers.
The experience of having a narcissistic Mother creates some of the strongest individuals in this world. We have experienced the evil of the world and rejected it by consciously choosing not to join them. One day I hope the world will understand this experience better. However, until then please honor the experience and feelings of those of us who grew up without love, but found the strength to stand up for what we truly deserve.
Disclamer: The topics I expressed in this article are based off of my experiences, and my journey to healing I am in no way, shape, or form insinuating that ALLblack women are like this.!
Growing up in my childhood home my mother ran it with an iron fist, in my community(black) I noticed there are a lot of overdramatic black women who don’t understand how to voice themselves in a civilized manner. It’s like a rage consumes them, a rage that is bottled up inside of them waiting to escape out seeking to attack anyone it deems fit. Many (not all) black women I have encountered throughout the years were materialistic, moody, and at times they would come across as unstable and petty. There are so many people in my culture walking around with unchecked spiritual, emotional,and mental issues that it isn’t even funny if anything it’s quite conspicuous. Many of these issues occur in childhood they are the results of many women experiencing abuse, rape/molestation, and just being in a broken home with their mother as the stereotypical “Strong Black Woman” as the head of the household, and when I say broken I mean the domineering matriarch has also broken down, and destroyed any barriers for any healthy male contact in the family.
During our childhoods its a tender time for spiritual,and behavioral disorders to form and take root resulting in many women who come from this type of toxic background to become broken before they are even old enough to perceive what healthy, and normal relationships are. They don’t know how to love, let alone even love themselves resulting in many of these women trying to find an outlet from the pain they experienced in these traumatizing households. They feel a range of emotions that they feel scared to express to anyone out of fear of being ostracized or being deemed as “crazy” many turn to substance abuse just to cope with the burdens they carry. Most certainly, the black narc mother was scarred and done wrong throughout her life so now she lives life in a perpetual state of “I have to get them, before the get me” mentality. That goes for anybody,and EVERYBODY the toxicity spreads like a raging forest fire looking to consume anything that’s in it’s path,but more than often this fire(rage) is aimed at her daughter(s). With her sons she puts them on a pedestal resulting in him becoming her “son-husband” (YIKES!!!), she doesn’t want her daughters being better than her, and any ambitions or dreams the daughter(s) may express that she wants to do the maternal narcissist quickly shoots them down. The daughter can NEVER EVER show signs thats shes more articulate, smarter, or confident than the black maternal narc mother.
She acts as if she doesn’t like her daughters, all while making sure they maintain a fear in them so that they revere her and they DON’T cross her role as “queen” or as I would like to call it matriach.Whenever their daughters do make accomplishments they mock them, or try to downplay them using competative tactics to ensure that the daughter knows that they are the“Big Kahuna on the beach“. They covertly despise their daughters showing any ounce of independance because they fear that their child will leave their toxic nest never to return again(I did and many others are waking up and leaving also). Many of these women are jealous, and envious of the daughter’s relationship with their father(happened to me) they will also go as far as to accuse the father of the things that they themselves are doing. They use manipulative techniques to turn the daughter against her father resulting in her not being able to trust men, or to be to have a healthy relationship with one. Many black women from this type of background are victimized by their own mothers spiritually,mentally,and emotionally.
The abuse doesn’t stop when your older instead it only escalates, the maternal narc will always see you as a child(even if your married with children of your own)she will even try to control your household, and dominate your family. Many siblings from this environment normally are under her spell, the community is involved in this whimsical of dysfunctional nonsense the household puts the black maternal narcissist on a high horse so to speak. They rather appease the queen than be at the end of her abusive rages, that not only destroy her victims on the outside but on the inside as well. She runs her household with an excessive amount of pride, and intemperance always letting her children and spouse(if she has one, or an trap one) about her countless achievements, and how strong she is despite the many “battles” she has faced. The black maternal narcissist also doesn’t know how to raise her daughter(s) how to be a respectful, submissive, and loving wife who is supposed love and revere her husband running her household with a dignity and moral conduct surrounding God’s principles(Proverbs 31). Instead when her daughters marry, she will try to win over her daughters husband, or try to turn her daughters husband against her.
She may even try to make herself seem more alluring, and pleasing to her daughter’s husband in an attempt to sabotage her daughters marriage because in her mind her daughters husband is a better man than she has or could ever obtain. Normally in this setting, the black maternal narcissist loves to attack, and when you push back you are deemed as “crazy“ or a “problem child“ she loves to play victim to outsiders always griping about problems that in reality she actually causes. Many black women raised by these type of women are brainwashed into believing “That’s just how momma is”, or the famous”You only get one mother” line. Many black women from this end of the spectrum dont want to own up to the fact, or admit that they are being bullied, victimized, andABUSED by their own MOTHERS resulting in them having severe emotional, and mental issues. Resulting in them dieing spiritually, these are generational curses that must be BROKENthe first thing you must do is go no contact then you can see the light of the Most High at the end of the tunnel. Many black women unfortunately, stay in this toxic dynamic with their mother because it gives them a “emotional high” (relationships like these are highly addictive). Resulting in the daughters having a fixation on negativity, and drama in other relationships causing them to display inadequate disposition’s of emotions. What’s the moral of the story?
The Black Maternal Narc is not something that should NOT be normalized in our culture(or even in society sadly it is)it’s something that should be looked at as it is NARCISSISM(JEZEBEL). No one wants to analyze it, or admit that their mother is a monster, but sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction this is an epademic that is quickly being shoved(not pushed) under the rug. Better yet, you shall know the TRUTH and the TRUTH shall set you FREE.!
Thank you so much for reading my post! have a beautiful day !! 🌈
Until next time on “Talks with DanYah” Ciao ❤
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Growing up in my childhood home,I never really had an identity I can remember how I cried a lot in middle school, and also high school. Crying that’s all I knew I felt it was the only way for me to have an outlet for my pain besides,who could I tell or better yet who would listen to a child talk about the pain they were experiencing? I would be deemed crazy, as I sat at the dinner table with tears running down my young face while my abusive mother kept on serving dinner with a grimace look on her face. No words of concern, or even an ounce of care fell from my mothers lips because as we know in black cultureSTRONG BLACK WOMEN don’t cry, or even show affection its a sign of weakness so my narc family would just stare at me laughing as the pain escaped my eyes, and trailed down my cheeks.
I’m only hoping that your worried about the title(Iwould be), you must think that Danyah(call me Dee please) thinks The Most High God is a God that’s for this type of sadistic narcissistic abuse(torture)? He’s a God that wants children to praise, and bow down to wickedness even though it’s the parent that’s the one serving up toxic behavior like it’s a lunch special at your favorite seafood restaurant. No matter how EXTREME the abuse is, no matter how two-faced, terrible, and treacherous the parent(s) are He wants us as victims to suck it up, get over it because I’m sure every abused child that is a victim of narc abuse by proxy knows this scripture….
What happens when “sparing the rod” becomes a more sinister, and forbidding ordeal? Does the Most High really sit on His throne in heaven watching this perilous abuse occur all the while clapping, and cheering our abusers on with a complacent grin on His beautiful face? I used to think that honestly, I wont even lie to you I really did hell your talking to a woman who didn’t think she would make it pass 18, let alone have children(because she was too stupid, and crazy or the famous line “she cant even take care of herself“). She was so brainwashed that she thought if she didn’t speak to her abusive mother that the Most High would hate her, nah not just HATE HER, but also exact vengeanceon her
Like I said at the beginning, growing up in my narc family system I never had an identity( I wasn’t allowed to evolve) whatever our domineering matriarch of a mother said it was counted as scripture. So when she would make smug comments about the Bible, and told us in a mocking way of the Lords words how we should “Honor your Mother and Father so your days could be long on this earth” I automatically assumed as a young child that the abuse that was being administered was something that gave Him great pleasure, and that it was also something that God approved of. With every beating that my mother put on me not only physically, she also didn’t waste any time breaking me down spiritually during this time I lost piece after piece of myself. I would often wonder in the midst of all this abuse if God loved me, because the horrors my mother put me through sure didn’t reflect love instead it reflected envy, jealously, pain, affliction, and turmoil (the list goes on, and on).Like many abusive narcissistic mothers(sadly) they reflect a image of envy, jealous, and hatred not only for their children, but its like its a projection of how they feel about themselves, so throwing God in there isn’t even off limits to them if anything they have too much pride in their hearts so they believe in their heads that they are ENTITLED to use the Most High God as a weapon too. Its even so bad that these type of religious Narc mothers (I’m talking about my experience now lets get deeper) they believe that God is on their side in the midst of all this madness.
So yeah,my mother would cherry pick that scripture all time she used manipulative tactics to make it seem as God was against me, and all for her abuse. But what about Colossians 3:21?
Let’s break this ⬆️scripture down because as the Glorious Most High word says in 2 Timothy 2:15.
That’s right No SHAME in my game(because I’m adamant that this message will help someone who also has went through what I went through)So what was the Most High talking about in Colossians 3:21? Lets divide this truth down it says” Fathers, PROVOKE not your CHILDREN to ANGER, lest they become DISCOURAGED. Now lets break down these bold out words because I would hate to assume that many people don’t know the meanings of these words(or even know that this scripture is in the Holy Bible).
Father then goes on to say “Lest they become DISCOURAGED now what do these words mean? Discouraged means to deprive of courage or confidence(let’s go a step further) what does confidence mean?
See how it says the feeling that one can rely on someone or something; FIRM TRUST. So basically(your probably like can she get to the point right?) what I got from this is that parents aren’t supposed to make their children angry to the point where they resent them, they most certainly shouldn’t belittle their children bully their children, or make their children fear them in a way that isn’t godly but demonizing, and menacing. But what the religious narc fails to realize is The Most High hates haughtiness, and I’m positive he hates when people take his words, and twists them to benefit their wicked agendas(especially abusive parents who instead of loving their children they exploit them, and rip them of their innocence all the while throwing God in said child’s face to justify their brutal beatings) with that being said what does LEST mean?
For fear that they could become discouraged, resulting in children not having confidence(that could be confidence in themselves, or in the parent that is raising them.) Not being able to trust the parent, you see God told me(I thank Him for His mercy EVERYDAY) is that when He told children to “Honor their Mother and Father so that their days could be long on this earth” (a commandment with a promise) He also wanted parents to raise their children in an environment that revolves around the instruction, and discipline of the Lord(Ephesians 6:4) because in order for a household to grow it has to be in order. Children need parents to show them how to be successful adults not only physically, but also SPIRITUALLY. Not an environment that revolves around the discipline, and instruction of a narcissistic controlling abusive parent(s) who thinks that they are your God, but that’s why I think religious narcs are the worst because they take the Lord’s holy words, and they desecrate them. I’ll bet my last breathe that my narc mother doesn’t even know that these scripture are in the Holy Bible, but then again I’m positive she would find some type of way to justify her sadistic torture on me not just me, but also my siblings(I’m just the only one brave enough to come on out and expose this resulting in me displaying mutiny in this corrupted family system.)
Religious narc parents are the worst, because they keep their victims(children) on a string of abuse that revolves around God so these children not only get abused physically, but also spiritually as well. They cherry pick scriptures that goes with their toxic agenda all the while it leaves their victim blaming God because as well all know He is (awesome 😍) omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient. So surely “He sees the abuse, why doesn’t He stop it?”, asks the victim causing children to doubt God, or in many cases of narc abuse by parent(s) causes children to view God as just as abusive as the parent. But as His word says(He is not the author of confusion)
And we all know that bring in a narcissistic, abusive, controlling, and demeaning relationship leaves victims confused, it leaves the children blaming God because they don’t know no better or even know that the parent is in full on deceit mode. Because the enemy seeks to kill, steal, and destroy that’s why the religious narc parent throws God at you, to steal your relationship with Him, to kill your passion for His love and truth, and to destroy you from the inside out. In reality they want to be their child’s God I just wanna tell you that religious narc parents don’t love you, hell they don’t even love the Lord, or themselves for that matter that’s why they use God as a weapon but one thing for certain, and two for sure…
The narc is a coward, and they can’t look in the mirror and examine themselves, or even take blame for the wrong they do. That’s why they need a scapegoat you see, these people would even go so far as to say that the Lord approves their sick,evil, and twisted actions. Nothing, and no one is off limits to the religious narc parent(or even a narc) not even God Himself you would think that God would be off limits right?NOPEthey use God as a scapegoat also, and to the innocent that damages their psyche,and their moral judgement of right and wrong. Parents that abuse their children also abuse the relationship the child has with the Lord even before it is formed, because the relationship with the parent(s) is supposed to mold the way the child views God, and if the parent is abusive, and evil the child will just speculate that the Lord is the same way. Until they are able to leave this toxic environment(sadly, most children never get the veil lifted until they go seek the Lord themselves).
Yeah, God does LOVE us He wants to heal you from this pain from the affliction caused by your abuser. SEEK HIM let him lift that veil from your eyes, put your trust in Him. He loves you, and He cares for you I love you so much, and I pray that your path of healing is full of love, confidence, and joy of the Lord of peace. Keep your head up, and please keep walking on this road of healing and recovery towards Him because it’s benefits are sufficient just like His grace is 🌺🌼🌻.
“Thank you for listening! May the Most High rain blessings down on you.<3
It finally set in, they don’t know me; they don’t know us victims of narcissistic abuse normally walk around with a rain cloud over their heads. They live life like an ostrich with its head in the sand (they ignore and hide from obvious signs of danger small or large). Like oil sticks to your hands even after you wash them over and over again, so does the wounds from abuse they prick your heart like a thorn on a rose, and it damages you the same it damages spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Victims are normally plagued by these demons long after the abuse has stopped(or they went No Contact with no closure) they often detach from their surroundings, and more than often they feel like they can’t tell their closest friends,spouses(or anybody) about the symptoms that has plagued their thought processes throughout the years even if the abuse is long over.
But I’m assuming your asking yourself (I thought she was talking about her changing her number, or didn’t she say she was telling us why she changed her damn cellphone number?) Let me reiterate, they don’tknow me, theynever knew me, and they don’t deserve to get the chance toknow me one thing the Most High Yah help me realize on my healing journey that He so mercifully sent me on is my abusers/enablers/flying monkeys/abuser supporters don’t know me(the real Dee). They also don’t know you, just sit down for a moment and think about it they only know a false image projected onto you, it’s funny now that I think about it. I told my FM sister (three years before I finally got fed with the Narc family structure) that she didn’t know me… she kept implying, insisting, and ranting that she did all the while she had a glazed, dazed, and confused look on her face. A couple of things that the Lord has put in my spirit is “Just because you grow up in the same household as these people doesn’t mean that they know you they would like to THINK they know you.“
When the stark reality hits you that you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, or any type of abuse in reality you shouldn’t be sad, hurt, or angry. He said “Rejoice!” Rejoice because your abusers knew, and seen you were strongest out the bunch not led captive by their web of deceit they seen you as the one who could break their mirror of deception, and fight the lies that they want to imprint in your mind and spirit. Not being casted into a spell of wickedness, but rather escape to walk onto that narrow path of RIGHTEOUSNESS. He whispered into my heart (my mind my spirit)”They seen the purity in your soul Dee, the unquenchable zeal in your eyes Dee, and they heard the courage beating from your pure heart”. Your abusers are so envious that they couldn’t obtain the very traits that the Most High blessed you with from birth, they couldn’t rob you of it, so they wanted to blind you of it. Luckily, the Most High shall exalt us above our abuse.
Stay Humble, Be healed, ACCEPT His Happiness! Because Yahweh Shammah cares for us!
-Glory be to God
I changed my number, because I’m tired of the lies they tell me, I’m tired of pretending everything is okay, and they didn’t hurt me. I’m tired of seeing blocked calls come up from abusers, and enablers who just want to barge into my life to control it and to patronize me. I’m SICK of seeing fake text messages as if they really care about me. It wont ever be the same, and oddly enough they know that, but I don’t give a damn if they DO OR DON’T because I know it wont be the same I’m not the same person anymore. The same little girl who accepted abuse, and pushed her own feelings,and emotions into a garbage can. Now I’m child of the Most High, a wife, and a mother how did the Lord change my thought process you may wonder? He helped me understand that all they want to do is STEAL from us, STEAL our happiness, STEAL our healing, STEAL our families that the Most High gave us. They want to KILL the new man, and bring back the old one who tolerated their abuse. But isn’t there a scripture for this scenario?…….
Thank you so much for reading my blog, May the Most High bless you on your path to healing, and recovery. Be Blessed. Until we talk again next time.