The Reason You feel Guilty after Abuse 😥

Isaiah 61:3 -To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

2 Corinthians 7:10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.

Ecclesiasticus 4:21-22 For there is a shame that bringeth sin; and there is a shame which is glory and grace. 21 Accept no person against thy soul, and let not the reverence of any man cause thee to fall.”

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Guilt can manifest in many different ways. Guilt is defined as a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, or wrongdoing whether real or imagined. In this blog post I wanted to talk about why victims of abuse feel guilty after abuse in this post I will talk about reasons based off my personal experiences with abuse and trauma. Everyone is different, and we all process life and experiences differently I believe by sharing our outlook, and testimonies we can help others heal and motivate them to seek a meaningful relationship with Yeshua who is the ULTIMATE healer and deliverer. ❤

I recall in my childhood how I always felt guilty. I felt alone. I lacked confidence. I often felt ashamed. Going on four years of no contact I understand all too well the pains, and perils of feeling guilt if a child is not raised in a household that centers around Yahweh’s love and Words then the house will quickly become a den for demons. My guilt arose every time someone asked about my mother, and when I replied that we were estranged they would rise up quickly to dish out their semantics of how “life is too short”, and that “you only get one mother” and the famous line “Honor thy mother and father” people are quick to downplay the abuse that was inflicted and are more than willing to make you feel guilty even though they do not know you, or the abuser that they are taking up for.

Guilt would always come rushing in time, and time again I would let people who didn’t even know me and the horrors that I endured at the hands of my mother dictate how I should view the abusive relationship. Because after all it wasn’t abuse it was “love” that hurt it was “love” that left me in a former shell of myself hating not only myself, but also the abuser who inflicted the pain and torment upon me. As time went on after going no contact and forming my OWN relationship with Yahweh Rapha I had to reprogram the way I saw not only Him, but how I also looked at myself I grew to understand that people are quick to speak on topics that they have little or no knowledge on. As survivors of abuse we have to not let what others say get to us, after all it’s easy to speak on something when you don’t have first hand experience on the issue at hand.

I felt guilty because I left instead of staying. My guilt arose from not sticking it out maybe things were gonna get better surely my mother loved me she just had a demonic way of showing her love for me. Guilty that I wasn’t loved properly. Guilty that I couldn’t make my mother love me. Guilty that I didn’t even have a connection to my mother was something wrong with me? My guilt arose because I didn’t live up to societies standards of family, and how you should stick by them NO MATTER WHAT. My guilt arose because I chose to walk away from all of them rather than stay and keep silent on the suffering that I was experiencing if I would have stayed no doubt I would have been a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. I felt guilty because I didn’t wanna give my abusive mother the worship, and praise that she required of me I chose to give it to Christ My Adonai I felt disconnected from my mother and I felt like I had to work for her love rather than receive it naturally. I looked at her like my enemy rather than the one who nurtured, and cared for me my guilt came when I tried but nothing ever worked I tried to repair a burned bridge, but I felt like in order for that bridge to be built I would have to DIE for it to be repaired.

Jeremiah 12:6 For even thy brethren, and the house of thy father, even they have dealt treacherously with thee; yea, they have called a multitude after thee: believe them not, though they speak fair words unto thee.

My guilt left when I began to understand that Yahweh called me out of my broken family system for a reason. My purpose is to let others know that it is okay to cry, and that Yahweh sees what they have done to you. It is not your fault that you were born into a damaged family, you were only targeted because you are the strongest one in the family system. You are the truth teller, you are the one who will shine light in the midst of the darkness. Your guilt subsides once you take acceptance towards the situation. Accept that the abuse that was afflicted upon you was unnatural. The way the abuser treats you is unnatural (parents are supposed to love children not hurt them, and patronize them). What happened to you shouldn’t have happened, we can’t stay in the past if we are trying to move towards a better future with Christ.

Luke 9:62 62Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”

Everyone won’t understand, and that’s okay it doesn’t mean that they are bad people they just aren’t part of your tribe. You don’t need no one to validate that harm has been done to you. The Most High KNOWS all and SEES all. It takes a strong person to acknowledge that they had abusive and unloving parents and it takes an even stronger person to bow down before Christ and ask for healing, and deliverance because a situation like this requires Divine Intervention from The Most High God in Heaven.

It’s hurtful when the ones who are supposed to love you the most hurt you the most. It’s confusing, and troubling when the ones who are supposed to nurture you abandon you. Once you let go of false guilt (that comes from the devil) you will have no problem telling your testimony, and you won’t care if people believe you or not. Did I want to leave? No, but 4 years ago I felt that it was the only choice that I had and if I would have stayed would I be the same individual now? I highly doubt it.

Don’t worry Yeshua knows our struggles, and knows what you have been through. Don’t play limitations on His abilities. There is GLORY in your STORY. So tell it, share it, and most importantly bear it.

Love,

Dedee, A Victor in Christ and of Abuse. 🌹💪🏽

Overcoming Feelings of Inadequacy 💪🏽🙌🏽

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Feeling inadequate can be a result of a lot of factors for some it is the type of clothes they wear, the type of house they have, or maybe the type of job title they hold. During early development, a child is learning so much, and during this time a child starts to form an opinion on how they view themselves and others. In fact, feelings of inadequacy can take root during a person’s childhood when a child receives negative messages about themselves indirectly, and directly. These negative messages about themselves can be from parents, teachers, or others whom the child sees as significant.

In my case the feelings of inadequacy weren’t so complex I wish it could have been because of materialistic lack, but I knew that my feelings of lack stemmed from my childhood upbringing. Imagine my horror when I realized that the feelings of inadequacy still followed me into my early and late adult hood. I felt unworthy of God’s love, and attention I changed the image of Yah into my abusive mother and enabling family members. I would cringe at the thought of Him loving me I felt as though I was a burden, maybe I was a mistake? Getting in the way of His will. So many teachings, so many men who I perceived were closer to The Most High more than I could ever be. I could feel myself becoming a bit legalistic scared of Him not love, but a fear that made me feel unworthy to even send Him a prayer.

The Bible is full of people who felt just like me. Inadequate. Moses, Gideon, Jeremiah, Peter the list goes on, and on. I look at Peter, and some of his characteristics remind me of myself matter of fact I look at Luke 5: 8- When Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, Depart from me; for I am a sinful man, O LORD. With a display of supernatural power this gave Peter proof of the Father’s omniscience and omnipotence through The Lord Jesus the Christ. With it comes Peter’s realization of his own inadequacy, which he conveys by falling “down at Jesus’ knees, saying, ‘Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord!‘” Peter realizes that he had been faithless, and just like Peter I myself (and I’m sure you too) can relate to this verse.  

Jesus then goes on to tell His newfound disciple to Fear not; from henceforth thou shalt catch men.” (Luke 5:10 kjv) He affirms Peters and lets him know to fear not and from that moment on he will become a fisher of men, a worker of righteousness. In spite of Peter’s inadequacy God chose him. He looked past his inadequacies and seen Peter’s potential because when God sees us He doesn’t see our inadequacies, but He sees how we are adequate for His plan, and how we can be used for His PURPOSE. Despite our past, despite our failures The Most High sees the untapped potential that is trapped inside of us waiting to get out how does He know it is there? Because HE PUT IT THERE!

In my experience the first step to overcoming feelings of inadequacy is admitting that you are fearful and realizing that you are broken and that you need Yahweh’s healing touch upon your life. Yahweh Rapha the Lord who Heals you, who restores you. What was I fearful of? I was fearful of rejection not just from man but also from The Highest. Apparently, the cuts from my childhood cut me deep so deep that I developed strong feelings of inadequacy I would always feel like I wasn’t good enough condemning myself to hell for any little mistake that I made I caused a lot of pain to not only others but also myself before I realized that I was a product of childhood abuse and trauma.

This is not the last time where we see Jesus telling us to fear not matter of fact Jesus tells us in Matthew 10:31Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.

We are of so much value to God that we cannot even fathom the things that He has in store for us once we begin this journey. He does not want us feeling inadequate that is why He gives us grace because His power is made perfect in our weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9). Truth is God was never looking for perfect people He is looking for those who will perfect His will, a willing vessel who will go against the grain to walk the narrow path of righteousness. So why feel inadequate? Why feel as though you are not good enough? He knows your condition that’s why you were chosen.

 He makes all things new, and when your in Christ you are a new creation besides all have sinned and come short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Not some, but ALL.

Besides, I am realizing that it is not my strength that I need to operate off of but Christ’s strength. I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me, and this includes overcoming my feelings of inadequacy, and throwing away the lies of my childhood and destroying the works of the enemy. I will serve God despite my insecurities and inadequacies truth be told no one is perfect, and I have come to respect the fact that I will never be, but Yahweh loves me even though I am not perfect. This is due to the mercy that He has available to me and His mercy endures forever. He cannot go against His character and I don’t expect Him to because He changes not. Everyday we are learning, and everyday we are changing some for the better and some for the worst at the end of the day it’s up to you to chose sweetness over bitterness.

Thank you for reading! Get past feeling inadequate it doesn’t get you nowhere! May God Bless, keep, and Heal You in Christ Jesus Forever ❤

Dedee