One thing I have learned from my walk in Christ is that I must stay humble no matter what circumstances are placed in front of my course. Even if my past is thrown in my face by people who think they “know” me. I will stay humble. People who laugh at me, or mock me I will stay humble. I am starting to understand that no one can change how God sees me I shall remain humble. I used to be hurt over my past hurts and traumas, but NOW I will remain humble. Lord please allow whoever is reading this post remain humble. Lord Jesus please let us stay humble. Some days we may feel like running on this narrow road, some days we feel like walking but let us remain humble in your steadfast love. One thing you must remember in your walk with Christ is that carrying your cross doesn’t mean you should be bitter over your past, but it means that in whatever struggles you endured always remember that in your story there is God’s Glory. Stay Humble, Stay Sincere the Lord uses our pain so that when we push through we can show proof of His power. We must Love each other. We must Help each other. We must be Humble and Sincerewith each other. As Jesus Christ, the Son of the True and Living God has done for us we must also do for each other. Amen
Disclaimer: I say this to the one who is reading this and hasn’t accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Please think of the Blood that he shed for your sins. When he died on the cross He died for your sins. Without Him you can not go to the Father. So ask yourself this if Jesus isn’t your Savior who is? Who is gonna save your soul from eternal flames?? Because Jesus Christ is the only way you will enter heaven, or is your pride stopping you from receiving His gospel?. He is the ONLY savior we have you must REPENT and TURN from your evil ways. Do you really think you can make it to heaven on your own merits? Or are you so blinded to actually deceive yourself into thinking its all fairytales and make believe. I challenge you to test Him you will not be ashamed or disappointment. May Christ Call you, and God Bless you. In Jesus Christ Name.
No hope, that’s how I used to feel like that growing up in my abusive household and being around my siblings who also were abused. I felt alone from a early age I remember wanting to know God, and acquiring the love that He has for me. My mother, a woman who was also abused didn’t offer me love the little love she gave me was mere crumbs compared to how she doted on my siblings, she was a broken woman that’s what The Most High God has led me to understand. I always open up, and meditate on this scripture many people do not know that this is in the Holy Bible, many people have forgotten because the cares of this life has drowned out their hope leaving them feeling empty, and alone.
I smile a lot. I laugh a lot. I encourage a lot. I LOVE a lot.He came onto me the Lord is giving me hope in this dark world, I’m so excited because I am closer to my calling than never before. I feel Him. I can smell Him. His words taste as sweet as honey on my lips. We all go through struggles no one is a stranger to the hard times that life offers us, but one thing that gives me comfort is knowing that He will never leave me nor FORSAKEN me. I want to make Him smile we were created to make Him smile, many of us let life drag us down without ever knowing that God is near and we are very dear to His heart.
He is my rock, He is my shield, He is my guide, He is my healer, He is my motivator, He is my shepherd, He is my love, He is the fire that burns inside me, He is my redeemer, He is The Great I AM. He is Christ that dwells in my heart to my soul to the marrow of my bones. I used to care what people thought about me, how people saw me I have given up my life to find Him because Christ is the ultimate form of hope manifested. Yes I was physically, spiritually, mentally abused growing up, but that’s just a small rock in the road of what the Yahweh has for me. I trust that He loves me, and I want you to know that He loves you too He is very mindful of us because He cares for us. I’m not ashamed of Him! I love Him like a new bride loves her Husband.
I pray you maintain your hope today, my dear friend you are stronger than you actually know and loved more than you could actually ascertain.
I never really considered how beautiful forgiveness can be, it never crossed my mind because with me being a victim of abuse I could never see how God could make me become a victor and survivor with more to gain from carrying my cross of abuse, neglect, and rejection.I always wanted to see my abuser get their “just deserts”, but what good would come of that? I came to a point in my life that I wanted to mature not only as a person but also with Christ Jesus. I had to really look at myself in the mirror, and examine my own heart, and mind forgiveness is something The Most High God gives me so why not give it to people who done me wrong especially my abusive mother and family members?
I had harbored unforgiveness, and anger in my heart like a dog who hoards dried up bones that he acquires from his owner. When I was a abuse sufferer I always longed to be free, but I never knew in order for me to be free I had to carry my cross of abuse, and pain. Not only carry it but also crucify myself on it, and if I wasn’t willing to get on the cross freely the Most High God would eventually lead me back to a place where I had no other choice but to go on the cross. I found out recently that I had to deny what my flesh desired and that was to see my abusive mother get what she “deserved“, to see the ones who laughed and mocked me get the same treatment they gave me.
The Lord fought me so long on this topic, I wont lie to you I was against it completely until he led me to a verse well a parable, and if you ever have time I suggest you read it one day because honestly I didn’t know this was in the bible.
Its funny I felt like I was justified in carrying around the hatred, and resentment that I had in my heart. I wanted to keep it because a part of me felt comfortable re-singing the same old song over, and over I loved my pity party and I loved being in the middle of the dance floor. It actually became to big of a burden for me to carry around as I went no contact and the Lord gave me ample time and opportunity to think I felt like the baggage of my past became suffocating to me. I’m woman enough to say that it was mandatory for me to forgive them in order for me to go into the next level with Christ in order for me to experience The Most High God in ways that I can ascertain.
One thing that Yahweh-Shalom taught me on this journey of healing, and finding myself and building a closer relationship with Christ is that the best medicine for any abuse survivor is understanding. Understanding not only allows you to have empathy for others, but it also allows you to love and have empathy for your abuser because God has love and empathy for you. Ask Jesus Christ He has the prescription for all the pain, and hurts that you too also experience. 🛐😇
❥ – Thank you for reading. Have a Blessed Day and Forgive it will be the BEST decision you ever made it was the best decision I made and I Praise The Most High God for it. Love Always, Danyah ❥
Growing up in my childhood home I always felt a sense of emptiness that still creeps up every now and again just to make me feel a little if not a lot of insecurity. I never was shown genuine love, and now as a woman in my mid 20’s I feel awkward when people display acts of kindness for me, or even when they show how much they appreciate and love me. A abuse victim normally goes through this cycle in their life sometimes they feel so paranoid that everyone is just like their abuser, aiming to steal, kill ,and destroy you with every move they make. Its not hard for me to accept that with the way I was raised it became evident to me that it was hard for me to distinguish good from bad, light from darkness, and sweet from bitter.
Im starting to learn on my healing path with Christ that we as individuals seem to only accept the love that we think we deserve not the love we should have, not only love but thoughts and people we surround ourselves with. I’ve learned that how we treat each other reflects how The Most High will treat us because as His word says you “Reap what you sow” love and kindness does get you far not only with people, but with the Creator Himself. If you treat people with loyalty, and respect it will in turn be handed back to you, if you spread out positivity, and love you will also get it back. As people we tend to attract what we are so ask yourself “What am I attracting to myself, or what do I think I deserve in my life?”
It’s funny because I get called sensitive a lot, and people think that I take small things to heart too much, but honestly I’m just in tune to my feelings I’m aware of who I am as a person. That I wont be tied down by abuse anymore, and that I don’t have to accept being mistreated by anyone,and if something hurts or if I’m hurting I will make it known because in this day and age many people are so disconnected from their true selves that they don’t even know who they are. I aim to look at the power in my pain, and to rely on the Lord for my strength because whether any man wants to admit it or not Yahweh is The One who keeps this whole place running, and if He be for me who can be against me?
His word tells me” He will never leave me, nor forsake me“, and I believe them desperately I wont lie to you not even to Him sometimes my past hurts me sometimes I still feel like that little abused girl whose looking for her mother to approve of her, but instead all I’m left with is a woman who was left broken by her abusive mother who was also broken. A woman who will patiently wait for the Lord to deliver her, and to redeem her from her struggles that plague her day to day. I decided that I wont go back because now I’m old enough to stand for what’s true and genuine I used to let my past influence how I treated others, but why be bitter? People often don’t understand me, but that’s okay I’ve learned to do the one thing that most, and many people never learn to do and that is acceptance of self. I accept the way I look, talk, walk, and feel I know that The Most High created us all differently and that’s the most amazing and beautiful thing about being human.
That’s the main reason I treat everyone with sweetness because so many people choose bitterness not because that’s what they want, but because that’s all they were ever shown. So I as a conscious human make the choice to be kind even when bitterness is placed in my path because in doing so I reap the rewards of an eternal Yahweh that is always present, and is always looking out to reward His children not only with gifts but love also. I’m just hoping that the human reading my post also chooses sweetness because it only takes a second to make someone smile, and kindness is a drug worth sharing. Thanks for reading I hope you received edification from this today. Do you agree or disagree? Let me know 🙏🏾💝
Thank You for reading my blog post! Please remember to love yourself because The Most High Loves you. Have a blessed day!!💝
I’ll be honest with you all here, I used to think that The Most High would hate me if I didn’t talk to my abusive mother. Because in a lot of ways I thought that mother was right all the time so surely The Most High was on her side, but alas evil has it way of manipulating those who are vulnerable, and ignorant to its devices. Growing up in this sinister environment I start getting molded from a early age to accept evil, and that the ambiguous behavior that was occurring from my abuser was normal and if I questioned it I was not only going against my abusive mother but initially God Himself.
What’s actually dishonoring a parent? Dishonoring a parent to me is simply bad mouthing them to people, calling them out their name to people. Plotting evil on them and telling people how you wish to do them in wishing death on them. Dishonoring a parent isn’t when you stop associating with them it just simply means you acknowledge them for who they are. The Most High God Yahweh gives everyone free will to do what they want, and to be who THEY want to be. Honestly it isn’t your job to change anybody the only one you can actually change is yourself, and the only one who can change anybody is Yahweh but that is only if the participate wants change themselves.Normally narcs don’t want change, nor do they desire to seek change because they feel that they are right and that they have authority to behave the way they deem fit. In such cases we call people like these reprobates the Bible even tells us so.
Let me tell you one thing that I learned on my path of healing with The Most High your giving the negativity of your relationship with your narcissist energy when you bad mouth them or express how much you dislike them. That’s how demonic beings thrive and profit off you that’s how they drain your energy. I used to live in a cycle of hurt, regret, and shame until I actually got older, and I went no contact then I started to form my own relationship with The Most High.
I had to choose on that very day that I went no contact did I want to worship The Most High Yahweh, or did I want to worship my abusive controlling narcissistic mother? The Most High told me in order for us to have a successful intimate relationship I had to let my entire family go, because with them under the control of my abusive mother I would never have spiritual growth. Instead of being able to get closer to The Most High and the revelations that He provided they would be damaged by my family who claimed to know The Most High ,and worship Him but in actuality they were worshipping my narcissistic mother. My mother never loved Yahweh she didn’t even know Him or care to have a relationship with Him, she just always cherry picked that scripture about “Honor thy Mother and Father so your days can be long on this earth” so that she could make it look like The Most High was on her side while she abused me. I feel like that was a tactic used by the devil to make me turn my back on God, and to never actually pursue a relationship with Him, but as we can see it didn’t work.
I honor my abuser my accepting her for who she is I am not expecting change from her. I accept that the projections that were placed on me weren’t part of what lurked inside of me but actually my mother. My mother is sick, and she has issues my whole family all my siblings each have their own battles they are facing but they are keeping up the false façade that everything is normal. They forsaken me, and The Most High took me in they abandoned me and He accepted me into His home.
If you don’t feel at peace about it in your spirit then its not from The Most High Yahweh, if you are around someone and they make you feel uncomfortable or they are always making you feel unimportant. If they are always talking down to you, or they look at you will evil intent, cut these people off I had to cut my entire family off because I didn’t want to keep up the generational curse I wanted to destroy them. Do I regret it? No and neither will you. I pray someone gets edification from this post.
Disclaimer: Your words can have the BIGGEST IMPACT ON SOMEONE, even on YOURSELF we can either build each other up with kindness or break each other down with cruelty. Always be cautious of how you use your words because in your mouth is LIFE and DEATH.
Meeting new people is always a exhilarating experience for me, I love talking but I especially love talking to new people. And listening to their kind words always make my heart melt, and one simple thought of consideration makes me smile because it shows me that we do have light in the midst of darkness and I can thank forfriendswithoutborders.wordpress.com because He nominated me for The Kindness Award.
Thank you Rob , (The V Pub) Your awesome💖
Thank the person nominating you, and tag them.
Write a paragraph or more on the experience of an act of kindness or something you have read or seen, or done, yourself
Nominate three people who have to follow the rules and do the same as written above
Paste and copy the picture from above on your post. Let the people you nominated know they have been nominated
As I said in the beginning I love meeting new people I work in a doctor’s office so I meet a lot of different people everyday. There was this one lady that came in to get her annual check up I noticed that she was jittery she was also very talkative, and self-conscious in the middle of her pre-exam she opened up to me about her insecurities, and why as a lady in her mid 50s she was so anxious. She told me about her childhood, and how she had a abusive narcissistic father, and how she was badly damaged from the years of verbal, and physical trauma she endured throughout her childhood. My heart immediately sank because I also went through the same things that she expressed she looked at me after she told me a little bit of her history I guess she was assuming I was gonna be like the rest of the world, and dismiss her hurts as petty problems that should be let go and thrown into the sea. I looked at the lady as tears started to weld up in my eyes, and I hugged her so tight I hugged her and I told her it’s gonna be okay I understand the same pain that she carries in her spirit. I told this patient that The Most High looks after children like us the hardest because He knows we were damaged even before we became complete that He is the only one that can heal and help us and that He wont FORSAKEN us. I told her that people who don’t go through this type of abuse would never understand feeling the pain of having a mother/father that doesn’t love them. I hugged that lady so tight, praying that the words of encouragement that The Lord planted in my heart became seeds in that sweet lady’s soul. Everyone just wants someone to listen to their pain. Like I said in the beginning your words are either Life or DEATH choose wisely and please be kind we are all fighting a different battle. Being Kind is the Best Free Gift.
Now for the best part nominating three people(I don’t know how to tag hopefully someone will help me) I decided to nominate three of the kindest people I have met so far on my blogging journey. I’m hoping that they can spread their kindness to you also just like they have spread it to me.
Okay!! I admit it I havetrust issuesI lack confidence, I’m a very self-conscious person I overthink I feel ugly sometimes, and lately I feel as though I’m a alien that came from a different planet and I was left here or maybe the mothership has forgotten me? I don’t trust easily, nor do I believe ANYTHING anyone tells me I had to learn the hard way that actions speak louder than words, that simple “I love you’s” or “I had to do it for your own good”, were all just words used to cover up someone else’s wrong doing to put a lid on someone else’s evil conduct. They were used because a abuser didn’t want to do self-analyzation they instead chose to project their faults, and evils on an innocent child who couldn’t even comprehend the toxic environment that was brewing, and bubbling around them.
No one told me this instead the Most High showed me this the world can be cold, and cruel but it’s also up to you to not allow negativity, and bitterness to rule over your mind and captivate your spirit leaving you in bondage. This allows your environment to become a breeding ground for darkness I think as mortals we try to be our own god, that’s why so many people seek to control others the reason why we hear so many stories of children getting abused, and mistreated. And if you talk to these children once they become adults they will tell you that their abuser was also mistreated and abused the cycle goes on, and on and on (we call this generational curses).
Yeah! I have had trust issues, and sometimes I shy away from Yahweh but one thing is for certain I wouldnt blame Him for no wrongdoings that occured to me. If anything the wrongdoings that occured to me only made me seek Him harder, from this day forward I Danyah choose Yahweh, I choose Christ, I choose happiness over hopelessness. I choose everyday to praise and to serve the God of Israel, I choose to NOT be a prisoner to the past instead I choose to open my heart up to the Most High so He can provide the best healing for me. He can renew my soul, and refine my mind, Lord if Your reading this I choose to let go of my trust issues, and to trust in You. I want to experience Your love in ways thats unforgettable so I can love others, and tell others. So be it🌼.
I thank Yahweh for Yahweh! And Yahweh He’s in control of everything that’s around us and He sees all and He knows ALL.
My siblings let me get beat looking back I’m not surprised honestly we all got beat but I feel, and know that I got the worst of it. The most my siblings ever did was capitalize off my punishment, by adding their own twisted pacification to the abuse that occurred from our narc mother. Like all debased narc families this is the reality of the scapegoated child it wasn’t until I went no contact that all the memories came rushing like a flood gate. Growing up my mother would beat into my head that I was evil, unworthy, and designed for destruction. It’s funny how the narc can make you feel so broken when in reality they hate you because of the purity your souls radiates, there are too many incidents to recall with my narc mother and may of these incidents are looked at as “normal” not only in society but also in my culture. The one incident that will forever stick with me is the one that started the breaking process it progressed into me becoming a rattled child, and a disgruntled young adult always looking for a way to fill the whole in my soul and to put out the fiery pain I felt.
Being in a narcassitic family does that to you whether your a scapegoat(like me), a golden child or a lost child abuse hits us all the same way we all grow up feeling a loss of something that your narc either stole from us or have guilt they purposely placed there that was really something they owned. it breaks an individual down to nothing.So what must one do? Turn to the Most High because as His word says”Psalms 27:10- When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up” The Lord is so merciful that he even states that, “As I was with Moses, so will I be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. (Joshua 1:5)
The Most High promises that He will never leave us nor FORSAKEN us, but unfortunately in the situation of a narcissistic family they forsake you, and leave you destroyed spiritually, mentally, and emotionally all the while disguising their abuse as love or something that they try to convey as normalcy. Now does The Most High really want us to be around abusers and tormentors it doesn’t make sense, why would The Most High want us to deal with something that contradicts His word? Honestly it never made sense to me when my mother would tell me “You only get one momma, and baby your gonna always need your momma“ , all the while with every beating she placed on me it felt like she was aiming to destroy my morality. It also shouldn’t make sense to you because growing up in these types of settings can make an individual feel devalued and belittled, so as the word says (“For what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness”– 2 Corinthians 6:14)
If you have a toxic family, or even if your in a toxic relationship ask yourself this ” Should I let this person invade my spirit, should I let them drain me of my energy? Am I even comfortable around this person or these people? Is this environment taking more out of me than it’s giving me?”. Be honest with yourselves search deep within yourself, as I know from personal experience it will NEVER CHANGE, and sadly over the years the abuse just gets more destructive, and disastrous. The only one you can change in this type of situation is yourself, and you can’t do it alone you need the healing, and help that the good Lord Himself provides because He doesn’t ask for much in return.
Sadly the wounds that are left from abuse only get bigger if you don’t leave these people out of your life I mean seriously the Lord loves His children to much to let us get abused continually (even in our adult years). These toxic people aren’t even walking in the light they don’t even have the love of the Father in their hearts they hate truth, and they also hate that which is GOOD. That’s the abusers aim to get you off track and to have you thinking your crazy all the while, they manipulate and exploit their victims leaving them confused and filled with self-doubt, and zero confidence. They steal your spiritual worth all while laughing all the way to the bank, don’t go spiritual bankrupt call on the name of The Lord, and you shall be saved He can and will heal you from the wounds and pain of the abuse.
Disclamer: The topics I expressed in this article are based off of my experiences, and my journey to healing I am in no way, shape, or form insinuating that ALLblack women are like this.!
Growing up in my childhood home my mother ran it with an iron fist, in my community(black) I noticed there are a lot of overdramatic black women who don’t understand how to voice themselves in a civilized manner. It’s like a rage consumes them, a rage that is bottled up inside of them waiting to escape out seeking to attack anyone it deems fit. Many (not all) black women I have encountered throughout the years were materialistic, moody, and at times they would come across as unstable and petty. There are so many people in my culture walking around with unchecked spiritual, emotional,and mental issues that it isn’t even funny if anything it’s quite conspicuous. Many of these issues occur in childhood they are the results of many women experiencing abuse, rape/molestation, and just being in a broken home with their mother as the stereotypical “Strong Black Woman” as the head of the household, and when I say broken I mean the domineering matriarch has also broken down, and destroyed any barriers for any healthy male contact in the family.
During our childhoods its a tender time for spiritual,and behavioral disorders to form and take root resulting in many women who come from this type of toxic background to become broken before they are even old enough to perceive what healthy, and normal relationships are. They don’t know how to love, let alone even love themselves resulting in many of these women trying to find an outlet from the pain they experienced in these traumatizing households. They feel a range of emotions that they feel scared to express to anyone out of fear of being ostracized or being deemed as “crazy” many turn to substance abuse just to cope with the burdens they carry. Most certainly, the black narc mother was scarred and done wrong throughout her life so now she lives life in a perpetual state of “I have to get them, before the get me” mentality. That goes for anybody,and EVERYBODY the toxicity spreads like a raging forest fire looking to consume anything that’s in it’s path,but more than often this fire(rage) is aimed at her daughter(s). With her sons she puts them on a pedestal resulting in him becoming her “son-husband” (YIKES!!!), she doesn’t want her daughters being better than her, and any ambitions or dreams the daughter(s) may express that she wants to do the maternal narcissist quickly shoots them down. The daughter can NEVER EVER show signs thats shes more articulate, smarter, or confident than the black maternal narc mother.
She acts as if she doesn’t like her daughters, all while making sure they maintain a fear in them so that they revere her and they DON’T cross her role as “queen” or as I would like to call it matriach.Whenever their daughters do make accomplishments they mock them, or try to downplay them using competative tactics to ensure that the daughter knows that they are the“Big Kahuna on the beach“. They covertly despise their daughters showing any ounce of independance because they fear that their child will leave their toxic nest never to return again(I did and many others are waking up and leaving also). Many of these women are jealous, and envious of the daughter’s relationship with their father(happened to me) they will also go as far as to accuse the father of the things that they themselves are doing. They use manipulative techniques to turn the daughter against her father resulting in her not being able to trust men, or to be to have a healthy relationship with one. Many black women from this type of background are victimized by their own mothers spiritually,mentally,and emotionally.
The abuse doesn’t stop when your older instead it only escalates, the maternal narc will always see you as a child(even if your married with children of your own)she will even try to control your household, and dominate your family. Many siblings from this environment normally are under her spell, the community is involved in this whimsical of dysfunctional nonsense the household puts the black maternal narcissist on a high horse so to speak. They rather appease the queen than be at the end of her abusive rages, that not only destroy her victims on the outside but on the inside as well. She runs her household with an excessive amount of pride, and intemperance always letting her children and spouse(if she has one, or an trap one) about her countless achievements, and how strong she is despite the many “battles” she has faced. The black maternal narcissist also doesn’t know how to raise her daughter(s) how to be a respectful, submissive, and loving wife who is supposed love and revere her husband running her household with a dignity and moral conduct surrounding God’s principles(Proverbs 31). Instead when her daughters marry, she will try to win over her daughters husband, or try to turn her daughters husband against her.
She may even try to make herself seem more alluring, and pleasing to her daughter’s husband in an attempt to sabotage her daughters marriage because in her mind her daughters husband is a better man than she has or could ever obtain. Normally in this setting, the black maternal narcissist loves to attack, and when you push back you are deemed as “crazy“ or a “problem child“ she loves to play victim to outsiders always griping about problems that in reality she actually causes. Many black women raised by these type of women are brainwashed into believing “That’s just how momma is”, or the famous”You only get one mother” line. Many black women from this end of the spectrum dont want to own up to the fact, or admit that they are being bullied, victimized, andABUSED by their own MOTHERS resulting in them having severe emotional, and mental issues. Resulting in them dieing spiritually, these are generational curses that must be BROKENthe first thing you must do is go no contact then you can see the light of the Most High at the end of the tunnel. Many black women unfortunately, stay in this toxic dynamic with their mother because it gives them a “emotional high” (relationships like these are highly addictive). Resulting in the daughters having a fixation on negativity, and drama in other relationships causing them to display inadequate disposition’s of emotions. What’s the moral of the story?
The Black Maternal Narc is not something that should NOT be normalized in our culture(or even in society sadly it is)it’s something that should be looked at as it is NARCISSISM(JEZEBEL). No one wants to analyze it, or admit that their mother is a monster, but sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction this is an epademic that is quickly being shoved(not pushed) under the rug. Better yet, you shall know the TRUTH and the TRUTH shall set you FREE.!
Thank you so much for reading my post! have a beautiful day !! 🌈
Until next time on “Talks with DanYah” Ciao ❤
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The earliest memories I have of my narc mother includes abuse, as far back as Icould remember all my memories that I think back on all rotate around abuse it’s either physical, mental, and even spiritual abuse.Little info on me I’m in my mid 20s,married and I’m a first time mother(yay me). Life is life everything is going smoother all thanks to the Most High, reading other people’s stories has cracked open a spectrum of emotional angst that must be released. Released to someone who hasn’t escaped, but they are methodically looking for a simple way out.
But the biggest emotion I feel right now as a survivor is closure, closure from what’s been done to me,closure from the burden that was placed on me from a early age. To understand the thesis behind why I view my experiences as a burden let me take you back in time to 2000( I was six then). My NM had just got out of prison for being what she called a “drug queen pin“,so while skimming through articles, YouTube videos, and others blogs we all know that Narcs LOVE GRANDIOUSITY even if the position the put themselves in is a devious one. They thrive to want to look superior, its how they live how they get their supply, how the Narc builds their image. Okay (I tend to drift off sometimes sorry) back to 2000 I had just moved in with my mother (she was in prison from the time I was a baby till six I had spent my former years with my father) When my mother got out of prison she went on a quest to retrieve all of her daughters to make sure she raised them all, she had a new man by this time.I remember being in my room, and hearing my narc mother in a rage she was going on, and on about how someone drunk out of her new beaus(enabler) strawberry slushie from sonic(route 44 happy hour special). She then called all of us into the kitchen, and made up line up with extension cord in hand she looked at us so enraged while saying out loud “Who drank his slushie, y’all better tell me now, or all y’all getting a whipping”
I didn’t drink it, hell at six I didn’t even know what a slushie was but in my kid mind I figured that she was just using a tactic for the truth to come out. (Like really who gets that mad over a strawberry slushie) both my sisters stood there both claiming that they didn’t drink it, and my Narc mom didn’t let up she was persistent in her quest of putting down her brute punishment. It was like in each breath she got more, and more of a rush to exert her authority over us. Like a hangman’s with a fresh rope in her hang waiting for the criminal to be led to the gallows, finally after so many minutes of standing there hearing the bickering, hearing the dysfunction(about a slushie that I didn’t drink, or know where it came from). I finally said I did it, just to save all of us to free us from this matriarch of a woman with a fire in her eyes, it turned out to be a stupid mistake on my part because my mother beat me with every inch of my six year old life. I remember her going around me in a circle and taking that cord(like the one in the picture) and beating me with it I remember curling up into a ball so my little face wouldn’t get scarred; I remember crying so hard from the pain I felt how hurt I felt that this woman who was my mother had just drug me on the kitchen floor and beat me over a damn strawberry slushie. When she was done I touched my arms, and I had welts all over them all over my body, me being six I couldn’t imagine why this was going on, but little did I know it would only get worst.
A broken feeling then started to take route in my spirit that day because this is the moment that my narc mother started to break me like a glass plate shatters on a hard wooden floor, so did I on that day in 2000,when she beat me for the first of many times. Down a rabbit hole of sheer abuse, terror, and anguish at the hands of a alcoholic mother who over the years I was gonna see her mask eventually slip off. And the toxic scars of abuse that she would not only leave on me but also my three siblings. That brings to mind a quote that I ran across…….
Until Next Time on Tales From Dee, Talk to you Guys later 📤💙