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The Reason You feel Guilty after Abuse 😥

Isaiah 61:3 -To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

2 Corinthians 7:10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.

Ecclesiasticus 4:21-22 For there is a shame that bringeth sin; and there is a shame which is glory and grace. 21 Accept no person against thy soul, and let not the reverence of any man cause thee to fall.”

Youtube Video: https://youtu.be/xFcj_Q6jiGY

Guilt can manifest in many different ways. Guilt is defined as a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, or wrongdoing whether real or imagined. In this blog post I wanted to talk about why victims of abuse feel guilty after abuse in this post I will talk about reasons based off my personal experiences with abuse and trauma. Everyone is different, and we all process life and experiences differently I believe by sharing our outlook, and testimonies we can help others heal and motivate them to seek a meaningful relationship with Yeshua who is the ULTIMATE healer and deliverer. ❤

I recall in my childhood how I always felt guilty. I felt alone. I lacked confidence. I often felt ashamed. Going on four years of no contact I understand all too well the pains, and perils of feeling guilt if a child is not raised in a household that centers around Yahweh’s love and Words then the house will quickly become a den for demons. My guilt arose every time someone asked about my mother, and when I replied that we were estranged they would rise up quickly to dish out their semantics of how “life is too short”, and that “you only get one mother” and the famous line “Honor thy mother and father” people are quick to downplay the abuse that was inflicted and are more than willing to make you feel guilty even though they do not know you, or the abuser that they are taking up for.

Guilt would always come rushing in time, and time again I would let people who didn’t even know me and the horrors that I endured at the hands of my mother dictate how I should view the abusive relationship. Because after all it wasn’t abuse it was “love” that hurt it was “love” that left me in a former shell of myself hating not only myself, but also the abuser who inflicted the pain and torment upon me. As time went on after going no contact and forming my OWN relationship with Yahweh Rapha I had to reprogram the way I saw not only Him, but how I also looked at myself I grew to understand that people are quick to speak on topics that they have little or no knowledge on. As survivors of abuse we have to not let what others say get to us, after all it’s easy to speak on something when you don’t have first hand experience on the issue at hand.

I felt guilty because I left instead of staying. My guilt arose from not sticking it out maybe things were gonna get better surely my mother loved me she just had a demonic way of showing her love for me. Guilty that I wasn’t loved properly. Guilty that I couldn’t make my mother love me. Guilty that I didn’t even have a connection to my mother was something wrong with me? My guilt arose because I didn’t live up to societies standards of family, and how you should stick by them NO MATTER WHAT. My guilt arose because I chose to walk away from all of them rather than stay and keep silent on the suffering that I was experiencing if I would have stayed no doubt I would have been a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. I felt guilty because I didn’t wanna give my abusive mother the worship, and praise that she required of me I chose to give it to Christ My Adonai I felt disconnected from my mother and I felt like I had to work for her love rather than receive it naturally. I looked at her like my enemy rather than the one who nurtured, and cared for me my guilt came when I tried but nothing ever worked I tried to repair a burned bridge, but I felt like in order for that bridge to be built I would have to DIE for it to be repaired.

Jeremiah 12:6 For even thy brethren, and the house of thy father, even they have dealt treacherously with thee; yea, they have called a multitude after thee: believe them not, though they speak fair words unto thee.

My guilt left when I began to understand that Yahweh called me out of my broken family system for a reason. My purpose is to let others know that it is okay to cry, and that Yahweh sees what they have done to you. It is not your fault that you were born into a damaged family, you were only targeted because you are the strongest one in the family system. You are the truth teller, you are the one who will shine light in the midst of the darkness. Your guilt subsides once you take acceptance towards the situation. Accept that the abuse that was afflicted upon you was unnatural. The way the abuser treats you is unnatural (parents are supposed to love children not hurt them, and patronize them). What happened to you shouldn’t have happened, we can’t stay in the past if we are trying to move towards a better future with Christ.

Luke 9:62 62Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”

Everyone won’t understand, and that’s okay it doesn’t mean that they are bad people they just aren’t part of your tribe. You don’t need no one to validate that harm has been done to you. The Most High KNOWS all and SEES all. It takes a strong person to acknowledge that they had abusive and unloving parents and it takes an even stronger person to bow down before Christ and ask for healing, and deliverance because a situation like this requires Divine Intervention from The Most High God in Heaven.

It’s hurtful when the ones who are supposed to love you the most hurt you the most. It’s confusing, and troubling when the ones who are supposed to nurture you abandon you. Once you let go of false guilt (that comes from the devil) you will have no problem telling your testimony, and you won’t care if people believe you or not. Did I want to leave? No, but 4 years ago I felt that it was the only choice that I had and if I would have stayed would I be the same individual now? I highly doubt it.

Don’t worry Yeshua knows our struggles, and knows what you have been through. Don’t play limitations on His abilities. There is GLORY in your STORY. So tell it, share it, and most importantly bear it.

Love,

Dedee, A Victor in Christ and of Abuse. 🌹💪🏽

10 Reasons You Should Go No Contact from Toxic Family in 2021! 🥳

Youtube Video:https://youtu.be/ndnDHTf0VF4

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  1. You realize they use scripture as a weapon and often MISQUOTE IT to make you submit to their evils. Everything they say and do goes against the Word of God and when you do point this out to them, they take it as your trying to be “holier than thou”, or that you think you are better than them. The Word allows you to see through them and they do not like that. (Example: They are QUICK to throw up the 17-year-old you when you are 32… or they tell you that since you are not honoring them you will die early, but they leave out how parents should not provoke their children to anger)
  2. When you need help you are often ignored, mistreated, or made to feel like a burden you are often the one who gets called upon when others need assistance. Your help is always wanted if not EXPECTED. (Your questions and concerns often get dismissed as useless complaints.)
  3. Dealing with your toxic mother, father, siblings etc. takes more out of you than you can bear you often have a pensive attitude towards them. (Pensive definition- feeling sad while deep in thought) You often question yourself as to why your family treats you so bad, when you really do not do anything that contributes to their abuse questions turn into tears that fall down your face.
  4. When you have approached your family members about the toxicity, and dysfunction they sweep it under the rug, and downplay your concerns they typically take up for the abuser(s) and throw them a pity party to make your feel stupid for even questioning their evil.
  5. The more you think about your childhood, the more you realize that you were set up for failure. Family prized demoralized behavior, and worshipped abuse under the guise of love. You were not taught about real world values to help you succeed as an adult.
  6. When you try to get your life right (Examples: Getting closer to Yahweh, getting off drugs, going to school, eating right and working out, getting married and starting a family etc.) They do all they can to destroy any ounce of positivity in your life it is like they sit back and devise plans to destroy your happiness they frown on you making righteous decisions ESPECIALLY if you are moving into a direction where you will NO LONGER be dependent on them. (Which leads me to number 7)
  7. They want you to be dependent on them so that they can control you, and the moment when you show any ounce of independence instead of being happy for you (like any healthy person would be) they do all they can to destroy your progress. (Examples: telling you that you will fail, cursing you (my mother did this to me), starting fights with you, turning people against you with lies and speculation)
  8. They do not want you to grow, and when you do show signs of growing, they have no problem showing you how jealous and envious they are of you. (All the while making comments about how they are not jealous of you)
  9. As you get older you start to realize that they do not know you at all. They take more from you than they give. Your kindness is often mistaken for weakness, and love is replaced with angst. (Angst- a feeling of anxiety, apprehension, or insecurity.)
  10. They never take accountability for their behavior, they never own up to their mistakes, and they are quick to blame YOU for the pain that they afflicted on you. **WARNING- THIS IS A MANIPULATION TACTIC STRONG WITCHCRAFT. (Example: When I was 17 my mother kicked me out on the street, and I was living in a homeless shelter (that she dropped me off too) she would always tell me that it was my fault that she kicked me out and she had to do it because I was destroying her home, I would then feel bad, and apologize along with blaming myself for being homeless.)

Sabbath Songs: Stay Humble​😌​🙇‍♀️​🙏​

Lord, Help me in this toxic world.

Lord let me remain humble in Your sight.

Please Lord God give me strength in this fight.

Give me strength in Your sight.

I want to be humble for my King.

Your worth way more than this world.

My soul longs for You. I wish my Lord God that I can be close to You.

I don’t feel worthy sometimes, but God please don’t pass me by.

Humility is the key. Please Lord let me keep my trust in thee.

This path is narrow. This cross sometimes isn’t light.

But I will praise You Lord, because I know with You I will be alright.

Yahweh will always make a way. I am so blessed that only He can brighten my day.

What is this world coming too?🥺🥺😪🤔

Food for thought: You are either getting closer to Christ or you are far away from Christ. The good news is that God can forgive you for your sins just ask for forgiveness with a remorseful heart. May God Bless You. Amen ❤👑😇

In this day and age I can see that we are in the end of days. Many people do not wanna acknowledge this but even a person who is not walking in the light can see that something sinister is in the air. People are becoming more narcissistic, and the demons that plaque them they are unleashing upon others.

I meet a lot of people. And one things we all have in common is that we all feel that something is on the horizon. This can be good for some, or bad for others one thing that I try to hold onto is my faith in Jesus Christ.

That’s all you really can do is trust in the Lord. Many people don’t believe but that will not stop His promises nor will it hinder His arrival. I long for you Jesus, to be in Your Divine presence.

This world is getting worst, and if you cant see that maybe your part of the problem and not the solution.

Jesus is coming soon. The mark is coming soon. Famine and wars are coming. Where do you stand? Who do you believe in? Do you have a strong foundation in Christ??

God’s power will be seen all over the world. So whether you believe or not, you will see HIM. May God bless you all and give you Divine strength during these trying times we are close.

I will give praise to You forever 🙌🏽🥰

My Lord, My God! I will give praise to You forever!

You heal my heart, I am Your work of art

A masterpiece made for the King, when I get in your presence I will always sing

I need You Jesus, can you save me from this place

Let me follow you Lord because You make me feel so safe

Keep me honest Lord. Keep me clean

I pray that I can be Your queen. I stand in awe of Your glory and Your might

Please Lord don’t let me be out of your sight. Let me not leave Your hand

I am so blessed that You have a plan. Selah

I Love You El Shaddai ♥

Sabbath Songs: Not about Money 💰

Psalms 8:4-5 kjv

It’s not about money, it’s not about gold

It’s about praising Christ with our whole soul

What is a man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man thou visitest him?

You crown me with Your glory, You clothe me with your honour.

Even though I had some dark days, I will always give you praise.

Through the abuse, through the lies even through my hurts ,and the pains I had to disguise

You my Lord know my inner most thoughts, You even know every mans heart ❤

Who can hide from You? Who can deceive You?

My Great Mighty King! You make my heart sing

As I write these words to You I have tears coming in my eyes

Oh! How mighty is Jesus Christ, no one can ask my Lord what He’s doing, or why He has done something

It was never about the money, I want my King I want to be in His presence for all eternity

No money, no gold. I just want to praise Christ with my whole soul.

My Lord, My King, My Master ❤ I love You.

Sabbath Songs: Songs to sing on the Sabbath ❤

Sabbath Songs: First Fruits🍇

Let’s praise the name of our Lord!

Let’s give glory to the King. He is the First of the Fruits!

Praise Him for His glory and His might

Praise Him for His great sacrifice

Oh Lord! I have fallen in love with thee

I shall praise You for all eternity

As I write these words to You, I pray that they shall remain true

Holy! Holy! Is my God, Hallelujah! Praise Abba Yah<3

I sit and think of thee, Oh my Lord my soul longs for thee

I pray I see You soon, I pray for Your Holy commune

The bride needs you Christ, while the world isn’t suffice

You my Lord holds us in Your hands, even though we cannot see how much of your grace is in this plan

YOU! are my ONLY source, You are my shield let me always remember to remain still

You are my Savior and Yah’s begotten Son, I shall always recite Psalms 91

You are the only One that keeps me safe, Please Lord give us grace.

Thank You Jesus for The price you paid at Calvary. As we sit and reflect on You during this Holy week. Lord I love You and I praise You. No one amounts to You and no one is like YOU! I love You Christ Thank You for being a Good Shepard over Us. Hallelujah

Feast of the First Fruits!!!! Praise El Shaddai!

🌼 A Beautiful Reminder 🌼

One of the things that I have learned from my abuse is that abuse makes your forget who you are as an individual. You have to throw away everything that your abuser said you were. Rely on Christ to help you figure out who you are! Your past doesn’t define you! Think of it as a refining period that The Most High used to make you BETTER, STRONGER, and WISER. You never know who your STORY will help. Sometimes running doesn’t mean your weak sometimes you have to leave a toxic situation to see the true manifestation of God’s Divine Healing come into play. I have more blog post coming soon. May God Bless you and Keep you in Jesus Christ name I pray !

Apart from Christ…. I’m Nothing💍

What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? (Psalms 8:4 kjv)

The older I got the less I knew about myself. Abuse, life, drugs, and this world had took its toll on me I felt misunderstood and misplaced in a big world with no identity to call my own. I seen how my past affected the way I looked at Jesus (He revealed it to me in a dream) how I viewed Him as an image of a corruptible man the more I seeked the less I knew, the less I knew the more realized that I needed Jesus. Not the cookie cutter Jesus that so many referred to because it looked good on paper no I wanted the REAL thing I had to have the REAL thing.

What are we? That God loves us so much. He is so mindful of us and the thoughts He thinks towards us is good and not evil. He is our Creator, and He holds each and every one of us in the palm of His hand I am truly blessed to be chosen by God to be saved by way of Jesus Christ. How beautiful is our great God!! And how His mercy endures, how when we were still sinners Christ died for us isn’t that such a heart warming thing? We reject love a lot of times because we DON’T know love the world has conditioned us with a water down version on what love should be. Materialism, vanity, pride, lust, the list goes on and on…….

We are in the end of days. Time is drawing close for Christ to return! Don’t be left in the dark. The trumpets are starting to blow, many will be left behind and many don’t believe(just like in the days of Noah). My hope is that whoever is reading this blog post repents and seeks Jesus Christ all it takes is this:

Acknowledge that you are a sinner

Repent for your sins and Ask God for Forgiveness

Ask Jesus to be your Lord and Savior. Ask the Lord to come into your heart as Lord of your life. 

Believe that He died and He rose & Get in the Word & Stay Connected to God.

I hope this Message finds you well. May God bless you and Keep you!

Philipians 5:17-19 says, ” Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. Quench not the spirit.”