I ran across a Chinese proverb it said,” After all, harming others means you first harm yourself”, when I read this it struck a cord with me because I am a vict(or)im of abuse. I am going on three years no contact with my family, and at this point in my journey I am on a path of understanding, and discarding all the negative memories that are embedded into me. Some days are okay, but a lot of days are great they are great because I am discovering the person I was before the abuse began. If you ever met anyone who was open enough to tell you about their abusive childhood they will tell you that the abused robbed them physically, mentally, emotional, and SPIRITUALLY.
My purpose wasn’t made clear to me. My abuser didn’t have a purpose that she was aware of hell, it was stripped from her so why not strip it from someone who isn’t capable to perceive what was actually going on around them? Make your victim a dumping ground for all the anger that you refuse to acknowledge is there also make them the main source of supply, because instead of getting proper healing they will instead choose to pass the baton of wickedness known as abuse. She robbed me of years but going no contact helped me see how toxic my mother was, and how demonically controlled my family is and how she really berated me to the point that I lost sight of who I was before I even became whole.
It takes some victims of abuse years before they see the light at the end of the tunnel, and decades before they leave the tunnel. I didn’t start healing until I left completely and many victims never see results in healing until they leave the toxic situations. Some days I feel lost, and other days I feel strong one thing I have learned on this path of healing is you shouldn’t judge yourself based off of how your abuser treated you. Your not dumb, your not stupid, your not evil but you were abused and it’s not your fault you won’t be held accountable for what your abuser did to you but you will be held accountable for how you let it make you. For the longest time after I stopped associating myself with my family I was bitter, I felt lost it wasn’t until I actually separated the abused me from the real me that I seen that I am loved, I am wanted, and I am adored. I didn’t need my mothers approval because she didn’t even know how to approve herself the only approval that I need to obtain is Yahweh The Most High God.
You are a survivor of abuse. You will be a conqueror of abuse. I choose to let my past strengthen me. I choose not to let the abuse that I suffered in my childhood change me as a person. I will still love. I will still encourage. I will still push forward. I will still reach for The Most High Yahweh. And I will still receive the healing that Christ gives me. Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. 1 John 4:4
Growing up in this type of household the child that experiences this type of abuse never feels good enough no matter what they do, no matter what achievements sit on their mantle. When you go around your narcissistic parent you are never comfortable you will always feel as though you are walking on eggshells, you also feel as though you are on a witness stand and everything you say is constantly being examined. Normally children who come from this setting always feel that they need their mother(or fathers) approval(if they go no contact they can turn into people pleasers, or they are always looking for attention from their spouse, friends, or even in the work environment). They need constant validation from their surroundings and if the person does not get it they slowly sink into a feeling of isolation, and emotional abandonment with a extreme backlash of social anxiety.
Victims of abuse always feel the need to over appreciate things that people may do for them the victim always has an urge to over apologize if they make a simple mistake because the narc has programmed their victim to take blame for problems that the narcissist actually caused (in steps scapegoat). The victim also has the tendency to place people on a remarkably high pedestal and when people tend to let them down(as humans do because alas we are only human) the victim can shift into a self analytical picking at their flaws, and blaming themselves for the fickle behavior that the other party displayed. They have strong trust issues, and they tend to not show their true self to others out of fear of being ridiculed, and rejected they have learned not to tell others about their abuse because the abuser gets defended as being a caring parent, and the victim as an ungrateful child who should just,” bury the hatchet, or your being overdramatic”.
The narcissist rewrites old memories always making you out to be the bad guy all the while minimizing their involvement, and their actions to make you feel sorry for the things the narc actually inherently did wrong(shifting blame to an innocent victim). The narc may broadcast how good he/she is a person to outsiders, and puts on a grandiose behavior on how much she/he helps people. Strangely enough when you call the narc for help they twist it around to make you feel worthless, and like an extreme burden of a failure the narc from this type of family dynamic always makes you feel guilty when your around them(like I said before about old memories). These evil people have a way of pulling a story back from 10 years ago to throw it in your face(my mother would tell me how when I was in her womb I didn’t move and when I came out my eyes were red so I was evil). They make you feel guilty for being you, and not thinking like them or agreeing to their dictative structures the victim typically rebels at a early age because they can sense the sinister energy from the abuser. The victim heart beats extremely fast when the narc’s name appears on their caller ID unsure of how the narc will approach them in conversation.
The narc loves to remind you that you will always “need” them (they will push the scripture, “Honor thy Mother and Father”) all the while they act in a dishonorable way inducing fear, and turmoil in the victims life forcing them without a shadow of doubt to feel as though they do not belong causing them to question The Most High, and also their morality because of the abuse that happens in this toxic environment. Victims when they grow older, and start to live, and work in the world can’t accept corrective criticism (even if it comes from a loving source) they typically develop severe anxiety and they shut down because all they can hear is the abuser yelling, and belittling them. The abuser normally calls the truthteller(scapegoat) crazy they systematically over the years program everyone in the family to see the truthteller(scapegoat) as nothing more than a crazy, downtrodden psychopath they do this to the point that they make the victim question their own mind. The abuser is crafty in doing this type of warfare because it breaks down the victim they see as a “problem” because they know that with this child there is a risk of exposure to the abuse that they administer.
Is there hope? The only hope that a victim that suffers from this traumatic abuse has is to go NO CONTACT once the abused leave this toxic environment they will then gain clarity once they research, and venture out they will start to understand slowly and surely that the abuser has, and will always be the PROBLEM! Save yourself many years of pain, and TROUBLE by DETOXING FROM ABUSE TODAY! May the Most High Yahweh Heal your heart on this path of healing like He is doing mines. Have a Blessed Detox, and always remember treat yourself good because no one else will(well Christ will) ❤ Adieu 💚
Stay Blessed, Stay Strong Hope Filled && Yah Willed Until Next time on “Talks with Danyah”🕊️🌸