Healing takes time, and despite what many people would like you to believe it only up to YOU to understand and conquer your own healing process. Effects from childhood trauma/abuse stays with the recipient long after the abuse was administered. Well anyways here is my list of “Ten things I learned while healing from Childhood Abuse”. May Yahweh Bless you on your healing journey.
The best things in life are Christ. (He makes you free)
Resting on Christ’s word is the ULTIMATE therapy in gaining healing from abuse.
Being the bigger person isn’t easy but it’s worth it in the end Yahweh will only judge you based off your actions not the actions of another person.
Many people won’t understand you (don’t expect them to) Yahweh understands you and that’s the only thing that matters
It’s up to YOU to either break the cycle of abuse, or to keep the cycle going.
Don’t let abuse make you bitter, instead opt for BETTER.
Abuse makes you more aware of how truly toxic people can be and it sharpens your discernment skills as well.
What people say or think about you doesn’t even matter, people who are quick to make warped judgements DO NOT KNOW YOU they certainly don’t know the struggles you have overcome.
While they label, LAUGH you are STRONGER than you appear, and WISER than you seem.
Good days and bad days (everyone had them) it’s up to you to push through with a smile or a frown.
This is a list that I have complied of ten things that I have learned while healing from my childhood abuse. Life happens, and it happens HARD sometimes. I found that crying out to The Most High Yahweh helps me tremendously, He gives me profound strength in this hard world. I pray my list motivates you and encourage you to see the rainbow in the sky, because after all in order to see the rainbow you must first get through the rain. ❤ May Christ comfort you all. Danyah. ❤
Growing up in this type of household the child that experiences this type of abuse never feels good enough no matter what they do, no matter what achievements sit on their mantle. When you go around your narcissistic parent you are never comfortable you will always feel as though you are walking on eggshells, you also feel as though you are on a witness stand and everything you say is constantly being examined. Normally children who come from this setting always feel that they need their mother(or fathers) approval(if they go no contact they can turn into people pleasers, or they are always looking for attention from their spouse, friends, or even in the work environment). They need constant validation from their surroundings and if the person does not get it they slowly sink into a feeling of isolation, and emotional abandonment with a extreme backlash of social anxiety.
Victims of abuse always feel the need to over appreciate things that people may do for them the victim always has an urge to over apologize if they make a simple mistake because the narc has programmed their victim to take blame for problems that the narcissist actually caused (in steps scapegoat). The victim also has the tendency to place people on a remarkably high pedestal and when people tend to let them down(as humans do because alas we are only human) the victim can shift into a self analytical picking at their flaws, and blaming themselves for the fickle behavior that the other party displayed. They have strong trust issues, and they tend to not show their true self to others out of fear of being ridiculed, and rejected they have learned not to tell others about their abuse because the abuser gets defended as being a caring parent, and the victim as an ungrateful child who should just,” bury the hatchet, or your being overdramatic”.
The narcissist rewrites old memories always making you out to be the bad guy all the while minimizing their involvement, and their actions to make you feel sorry for the things the narc actually inherently did wrong(shifting blame to an innocent victim). The narc may broadcast how good he/she is a person to outsiders, and puts on a grandiose behavior on how much she/he helps people. Strangely enough when you call the narc for help they twist it around to make you feel worthless, and like an extreme burden of a failure the narc from this type of family dynamic always makes you feel guilty when your around them(like I said before about old memories). These evil people have a way of pulling a story back from 10 years ago to throw it in your face(my mother would tell me how when I was in her womb I didn’t move and when I came out my eyes were red so I was evil). They make you feel guilty for being you, and not thinking like them or agreeing to their dictative structures the victim typically rebels at a early age because they can sense the sinister energy from the abuser. The victim heart beats extremely fast when the narc’s name appears on their caller ID unsure of how the narc will approach them in conversation.
The narc loves to remind you that you will always “need” them (they will push the scripture, “Honor thy Mother and Father”) all the while they act in a dishonorable way inducing fear, and turmoil in the victims life forcing them without a shadow of doubt to feel as though they do not belong causing them to question The Most High, and also their morality because of the abuse that happens in this toxic environment. Victims when they grow older, and start to live, and work in the world can’t accept corrective criticism (even if it comes from a loving source) they typically develop severe anxiety and they shut down because all they can hear is the abuser yelling, and belittling them. The abuser normally calls the truthteller(scapegoat) crazy they systematically over the years program everyone in the family to see the truthteller(scapegoat) as nothing more than a crazy, downtrodden psychopath they do this to the point that they make the victim question their own mind. The abuser is crafty in doing this type of warfare because it breaks down the victim they see as a “problem” because they know that with this child there is a risk of exposure to the abuse that they administer.
Is there hope? The only hope that a victim that suffers from this traumatic abuse has is to go NO CONTACT once the abused leave this toxic environment they will then gain clarity once they research, and venture out they will start to understand slowly and surely that the abuser has, and will always be the PROBLEM! Save yourself many years of pain, and TROUBLE by DETOXING FROM ABUSE TODAY! May the Most High Yahweh Heal your heart on this path of healing like He is doing mines. Have a Blessed Detox, and always remember treat yourself good because no one else will(well Christ will) ❤ Adieu 💚
Stay Blessed, Stay Strong Hope Filled && Yah Willed Until Next time on “Talks with Danyah”🕊️🌸
Growing up in my childhood home I always felt a sense of emptiness that still creeps up every now and again just to make me feel a little if not a lot of insecurity. I never was shown genuine love, and now as a woman in my mid 20’s I feel awkward when people display acts of kindness for me, or even when they show how much they appreciate and love me. A abuse victim normally goes through this cycle in their life sometimes they feel so paranoid that everyone is just like their abuser, aiming to steal, kill ,and destroy you with every move they make. Its not hard for me to accept that with the way I was raised it became evident to me that it was hard for me to distinguish good from bad, light from darkness, and sweet from bitter.
Im starting to learn on my healing path with Christ that we as individuals seem to only accept the love that we think we deserve not the love we should have, not only love but thoughts and people we surround ourselves with. I’ve learned that how we treat each other reflects how The Most High will treat us because as His word says you “Reap what you sow” love and kindness does get you far not only with people, but with the Creator Himself. If you treat people with loyalty, and respect it will in turn be handed back to you, if you spread out positivity, and love you will also get it back. As people we tend to attract what we are so ask yourself “What am I attracting to myself, or what do I think I deserve in my life?”
It’s funny because I get called sensitive a lot, and people think that I take small things to heart too much, but honestly I’m just in tune to my feelings I’m aware of who I am as a person. That I wont be tied down by abuse anymore, and that I don’t have to accept being mistreated by anyone,and if something hurts or if I’m hurting I will make it known because in this day and age many people are so disconnected from their true selves that they don’t even know who they are. I aim to look at the power in my pain, and to rely on the Lord for my strength because whether any man wants to admit it or not Yahweh is The One who keeps this whole place running, and if He be for me who can be against me?
His word tells me” He will never leave me, nor forsake me“, and I believe them desperately I wont lie to you not even to Him sometimes my past hurts me sometimes I still feel like that little abused girl whose looking for her mother to approve of her, but instead all I’m left with is a woman who was left broken by her abusive mother who was also broken. A woman who will patiently wait for the Lord to deliver her, and to redeem her from her struggles that plague her day to day. I decided that I wont go back because now I’m old enough to stand for what’s true and genuine I used to let my past influence how I treated others, but why be bitter? People often don’t understand me, but that’s okay I’ve learned to do the one thing that most, and many people never learn to do and that is acceptance of self. I accept the way I look, talk, walk, and feel I know that The Most High created us all differently and that’s the most amazing and beautiful thing about being human.
That’s the main reason I treat everyone with sweetness because so many people choose bitterness not because that’s what they want, but because that’s all they were ever shown. So I as a conscious human make the choice to be kind even when bitterness is placed in my path because in doing so I reap the rewards of an eternal Yahweh that is always present, and is always looking out to reward His children not only with gifts but love also. I’m just hoping that the human reading my post also chooses sweetness because it only takes a second to make someone smile, and kindness is a drug worth sharing. Thanks for reading I hope you received edification from this today. Do you agree or disagree? Let me know 🙏🏾💝
Thank You for reading my blog post! Please remember to love yourself because The Most High Loves you. Have a blessed day!!💝
I’ll be honest with you all here, I used to think that The Most High would hate me if I didn’t talk to my abusive mother. Because in a lot of ways I thought that mother was right all the time so surely The Most High was on her side, but alas evil has it way of manipulating those who are vulnerable, and ignorant to its devices. Growing up in this sinister environment I start getting molded from a early age to accept evil, and that the ambiguous behavior that was occurring from my abuser was normal and if I questioned it I was not only going against my abusive mother but initially God Himself.
What’s actually dishonoring a parent? Dishonoring a parent to me is simply bad mouthing them to people, calling them out their name to people. Plotting evil on them and telling people how you wish to do them in wishing death on them. Dishonoring a parent isn’t when you stop associating with them it just simply means you acknowledge them for who they are. The Most High God Yahweh gives everyone free will to do what they want, and to be who THEY want to be. Honestly it isn’t your job to change anybody the only one you can actually change is yourself, and the only one who can change anybody is Yahweh but that is only if the participate wants change themselves.Normally narcs don’t want change, nor do they desire to seek change because they feel that they are right and that they have authority to behave the way they deem fit. In such cases we call people like these reprobates the Bible even tells us so.
Let me tell you one thing that I learned on my path of healing with The Most High your giving the negativity of your relationship with your narcissist energy when you bad mouth them or express how much you dislike them. That’s how demonic beings thrive and profit off you that’s how they drain your energy. I used to live in a cycle of hurt, regret, and shame until I actually got older, and I went no contact then I started to form my own relationship with The Most High.
I had to choose on that very day that I went no contact did I want to worship The Most High Yahweh, or did I want to worship my abusive controlling narcissistic mother? The Most High told me in order for us to have a successful intimate relationship I had to let my entire family go, because with them under the control of my abusive mother I would never have spiritual growth. Instead of being able to get closer to The Most High and the revelations that He provided they would be damaged by my family who claimed to know The Most High ,and worship Him but in actuality they were worshipping my narcissistic mother. My mother never loved Yahweh she didn’t even know Him or care to have a relationship with Him, she just always cherry picked that scripture about “Honor thy Mother and Father so your days can be long on this earth” so that she could make it look like The Most High was on her side while she abused me. I feel like that was a tactic used by the devil to make me turn my back on God, and to never actually pursue a relationship with Him, but as we can see it didn’t work.
I honor my abuser my accepting her for who she is I am not expecting change from her. I accept that the projections that were placed on me weren’t part of what lurked inside of me but actually my mother. My mother is sick, and she has issues my whole family all my siblings each have their own battles they are facing but they are keeping up the false façade that everything is normal. They forsaken me, and The Most High took me in they abandoned me and He accepted me into His home.
If you don’t feel at peace about it in your spirit then its not from The Most High Yahweh, if you are around someone and they make you feel uncomfortable or they are always making you feel unimportant. If they are always talking down to you, or they look at you will evil intent, cut these people off I had to cut my entire family off because I didn’t want to keep up the generational curse I wanted to destroy them. Do I regret it? No and neither will you. I pray someone gets edification from this post.
Okay!! I admit it I havetrust issuesI lack confidence, I’m a very self-conscious person I overthink I feel ugly sometimes, and lately I feel as though I’m a alien that came from a different planet and I was left here or maybe the mothership has forgotten me? I don’t trust easily, nor do I believe ANYTHING anyone tells me I had to learn the hard way that actions speak louder than words, that simple “I love you’s” or “I had to do it for your own good”, were all just words used to cover up someone else’s wrong doing to put a lid on someone else’s evil conduct. They were used because a abuser didn’t want to do self-analyzation they instead chose to project their faults, and evils on an innocent child who couldn’t even comprehend the toxic environment that was brewing, and bubbling around them.
No one told me this instead the Most High showed me this the world can be cold, and cruel but it’s also up to you to not allow negativity, and bitterness to rule over your mind and captivate your spirit leaving you in bondage. This allows your environment to become a breeding ground for darkness I think as mortals we try to be our own god, that’s why so many people seek to control others the reason why we hear so many stories of children getting abused, and mistreated. And if you talk to these children once they become adults they will tell you that their abuser was also mistreated and abused the cycle goes on, and on and on (we call this generational curses).
Yeah! I have had trust issues, and sometimes I shy away from Yahweh but one thing is for certain I wouldnt blame Him for no wrongdoings that occured to me. If anything the wrongdoings that occured to me only made me seek Him harder, from this day forward I Danyah choose Yahweh, I choose Christ, I choose happiness over hopelessness. I choose everyday to praise and to serve the God of Israel, I choose to NOT be a prisoner to the past instead I choose to open my heart up to the Most High so He can provide the best healing for me. He can renew my soul, and refine my mind, Lord if Your reading this I choose to let go of my trust issues, and to trust in You. I want to experience Your love in ways thats unforgettable so I can love others, and tell others. So be it🌼.
I thank Yahweh for Yahweh! And Yahweh He’s in control of everything that’s around us and He sees all and He knows ALL.
That’s one thing I finally understand the Lord spoke that into my spirit He whispered it quietly to me as I was sitting outside with Him during our morning coffee time. He whispered “Hurt people Hurt people and healed people heal people” He also guided me to a scripture :
Ephesians 4:18They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts.
Hurt people Hurt people if you think about it if a person is full of love they love people, if they are full of hope they spread hope to people.Unfortunately in the world we live in a world it is slowly being dominated by narcissistic people, a lot of people are desensitized, and nonreactive to the suffering of others. The pain that they carry in their hearts overwhelms their reasoning of sound judgement of right, and wrong we are currently living in a world where people are running out of hope, and also love for Christ.
One thing that I’m starting to understand on my healing journey is that my abusers/ flying monkey’s/enablers/bullies hurt people because they HURT. Being a victim of abuse themselves, or being used in abuse leaves a person feeling confused, empty, hollow,and alone. Do I hurt? Honestly some days are better than others, but I feel like The Most High God in Heaven has me on this journey of healing to not only help me, but to also help others. I am being used to help people who are looking for a resolution, used for the broken hearted that seek to tap into the uncharted waters of healing provided FREE by the God Of Israel.
One thing that oddly gives me satisfaction is seeing the smile on other peoples faces, and another thing that actually gives me tremendous joy is putting the love that Christ put in my heart putting it in other peoples heart. Because as sad as life can be at times it is also short so, why not spread love to others? We all face different battles, and we all experience pain differently we may endure struggles, but you never know that ONE time that you decide to shine some light on someone’s darkness the Lord could be using you as His vessel to shine light into their whole world. The only person you can control is yourself, so give others the best gift that free and that is KINDNESS.
Have a Blessed Sabbath, Remember don’t hurt people Heal them.
Check this Out !!Look at my awesome achievement! I finally got 50 followers on my blog, thank you all for reading my blog and giving me feedback. I started my blog back in May, and look far it has gone I have met many lovely people and I’m praying and hoping I can impact many more.
I’m Hope Filled && God Willed. Thank you so much beautiful people. Stay Beautiful, and Lovely. ❤
My siblings let me get beat looking back I’m not surprised honestly we all got beat but I feel, and know that I got the worst of it. The most my siblings ever did was capitalize off my punishment, by adding their own twisted pacification to the abuse that occurred from our narc mother. Like all debased narc families this is the reality of the scapegoated child it wasn’t until I went no contact that all the memories came rushing like a flood gate. Growing up my mother would beat into my head that I was evil, unworthy, and designed for destruction. It’s funny how the narc can make you feel so broken when in reality they hate you because of the purity your souls radiates, there are too many incidents to recall with my narc mother and may of these incidents are looked at as “normal” not only in society but also in my culture. The one incident that will forever stick with me is the one that started the breaking process it progressed into me becoming a rattled child, and a disgruntled young adult always looking for a way to fill the whole in my soul and to put out the fiery pain I felt.
Being in a narcassitic family does that to you whether your a scapegoat(like me), a golden child or a lost child abuse hits us all the same way we all grow up feeling a loss of something that your narc either stole from us or have guilt they purposely placed there that was really something they owned. it breaks an individual down to nothing.So what must one do? Turn to the Most High because as His word says”Psalms 27:10- When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up” The Lord is so merciful that he even states that, “As I was with Moses, so will I be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. (Joshua 1:5)
The Most High promises that He will never leave us nor FORSAKEN us, but unfortunately in the situation of a narcissistic family they forsake you, and leave you destroyed spiritually, mentally, and emotionally all the while disguising their abuse as love or something that they try to convey as normalcy. Now does The Most High really want us to be around abusers and tormentors it doesn’t make sense, why would The Most High want us to deal with something that contradicts His word? Honestly it never made sense to me when my mother would tell me “You only get one momma, and baby your gonna always need your momma“ , all the while with every beating she placed on me it felt like she was aiming to destroy my morality. It also shouldn’t make sense to you because growing up in these types of settings can make an individual feel devalued and belittled, so as the word says (“For what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness”– 2 Corinthians 6:14)
If you have a toxic family, or even if your in a toxic relationship ask yourself this ” Should I let this person invade my spirit, should I let them drain me of my energy? Am I even comfortable around this person or these people? Is this environment taking more out of me than it’s giving me?”. Be honest with yourselves search deep within yourself, as I know from personal experience it will NEVER CHANGE, and sadly over the years the abuse just gets more destructive, and disastrous. The only one you can change in this type of situation is yourself, and you can’t do it alone you need the healing, and help that the good Lord Himself provides because He doesn’t ask for much in return.
Sadly the wounds that are left from abuse only get bigger if you don’t leave these people out of your life I mean seriously the Lord loves His children to much to let us get abused continually (even in our adult years). These toxic people aren’t even walking in the light they don’t even have the love of the Father in their hearts they hate truth, and they also hate that which is GOOD. That’s the abusers aim to get you off track and to have you thinking your crazy all the while, they manipulate and exploit their victims leaving them confused and filled with self-doubt, and zero confidence. They steal your spiritual worth all while laughing all the way to the bank, don’t go spiritual bankrupt call on the name of The Lord, and you shall be saved He can and will heal you from the wounds and pain of the abuse.
It finally set in, they don’t know me; they don’t know us victims of narcissistic abuse normally walk around with a rain cloud over their heads. They live life like an ostrich with its head in the sand (they ignore and hide from obvious signs of danger small or large). Like oil sticks to your hands even after you wash them over and over again, so does the wounds from abuse they prick your heart like a thorn on a rose, and it damages you the same it damages spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Victims are normally plagued by these demons long after the abuse has stopped(or they went No Contact with no closure) they often detach from their surroundings, and more than often they feel like they can’t tell their closest friends,spouses(or anybody) about the symptoms that has plagued their thought processes throughout the years even if the abuse is long over.
But I’m assuming your asking yourself (I thought she was talking about her changing her number, or didn’t she say she was telling us why she changed her damn cellphone number?) Let me reiterate, they don’tknow me, theynever knew me, and they don’t deserve to get the chance toknow me one thing the Most High Yah help me realize on my healing journey that He so mercifully sent me on is my abusers/enablers/flying monkeys/abuser supporters don’t know me(the real Dee). They also don’t know you, just sit down for a moment and think about it they only know a false image projected onto you, it’s funny now that I think about it. I told my FM sister (three years before I finally got fed with the Narc family structure) that she didn’t know me… she kept implying, insisting, and ranting that she did all the while she had a glazed, dazed, and confused look on her face. A couple of things that the Lord has put in my spirit is “Just because you grow up in the same household as these people doesn’t mean that they know you they would like to THINK they know you.“
When the stark reality hits you that you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, or any type of abuse in reality you shouldn’t be sad, hurt, or angry. He said “Rejoice!” Rejoice because your abusers knew, and seen you were strongest out the bunch not led captive by their web of deceit they seen you as the one who could break their mirror of deception, and fight the lies that they want to imprint in your mind and spirit. Not being casted into a spell of wickedness, but rather escape to walk onto that narrow path of RIGHTEOUSNESS. He whispered into my heart (my mind my spirit)”They seen the purity in your soul Dee, the unquenchable zeal in your eyes Dee, and they heard the courage beating from your pure heart”. Your abusers are so envious that they couldn’t obtain the very traits that the Most High blessed you with from birth, they couldn’t rob you of it, so they wanted to blind you of it. Luckily, the Most High shall exalt us above our abuse.
Stay Humble, Be healed, ACCEPT His Happiness! Because Yahweh Shammah cares for us!
-Glory be to God
I changed my number, because I’m tired of the lies they tell me, I’m tired of pretending everything is okay, and they didn’t hurt me. I’m tired of seeing blocked calls come up from abusers, and enablers who just want to barge into my life to control it and to patronize me. I’m SICK of seeing fake text messages as if they really care about me. It wont ever be the same, and oddly enough they know that, but I don’t give a damn if they DO OR DON’T because I know it wont be the same I’m not the same person anymore. The same little girl who accepted abuse, and pushed her own feelings,and emotions into a garbage can. Now I’m child of the Most High, a wife, and a mother how did the Lord change my thought process you may wonder? He helped me understand that all they want to do is STEAL from us, STEAL our happiness, STEAL our healing, STEAL our families that the Most High gave us. They want to KILL the new man, and bring back the old one who tolerated their abuse. But isn’t there a scripture for this scenario?…….
Thank you so much for reading my blog, May the Most High bless you on your path to healing, and recovery. Be Blessed. Until we talk again next time.
The earliest memories I have of my narc mother includes abuse, as far back as Icould remember all my memories that I think back on all rotate around abuse it’s either physical, mental, and even spiritual abuse.Little info on me I’m in my mid 20s,married and I’m a first time mother(yay me). Life is life everything is going smoother all thanks to the Most High, reading other people’s stories has cracked open a spectrum of emotional angst that must be released. Released to someone who hasn’t escaped, but they are methodically looking for a simple way out.
But the biggest emotion I feel right now as a survivor is closure, closure from what’s been done to me,closure from the burden that was placed on me from a early age. To understand the thesis behind why I view my experiences as a burden let me take you back in time to 2000( I was six then). My NM had just got out of prison for being what she called a “drug queen pin“,so while skimming through articles, YouTube videos, and others blogs we all know that Narcs LOVE GRANDIOUSITY even if the position the put themselves in is a devious one. They thrive to want to look superior, its how they live how they get their supply, how the Narc builds their image. Okay (I tend to drift off sometimes sorry) back to 2000 I had just moved in with my mother (she was in prison from the time I was a baby till six I had spent my former years with my father) When my mother got out of prison she went on a quest to retrieve all of her daughters to make sure she raised them all, she had a new man by this time.I remember being in my room, and hearing my narc mother in a rage she was going on, and on about how someone drunk out of her new beaus(enabler) strawberry slushie from sonic(route 44 happy hour special). She then called all of us into the kitchen, and made up line up with extension cord in hand she looked at us so enraged while saying out loud “Who drank his slushie, y’all better tell me now, or all y’all getting a whipping”
I didn’t drink it, hell at six I didn’t even know what a slushie was but in my kid mind I figured that she was just using a tactic for the truth to come out. (Like really who gets that mad over a strawberry slushie) both my sisters stood there both claiming that they didn’t drink it, and my Narc mom didn’t let up she was persistent in her quest of putting down her brute punishment. It was like in each breath she got more, and more of a rush to exert her authority over us. Like a hangman’s with a fresh rope in her hang waiting for the criminal to be led to the gallows, finally after so many minutes of standing there hearing the bickering, hearing the dysfunction(about a slushie that I didn’t drink, or know where it came from). I finally said I did it, just to save all of us to free us from this matriarch of a woman with a fire in her eyes, it turned out to be a stupid mistake on my part because my mother beat me with every inch of my six year old life. I remember her going around me in a circle and taking that cord(like the one in the picture) and beating me with it I remember curling up into a ball so my little face wouldn’t get scarred; I remember crying so hard from the pain I felt how hurt I felt that this woman who was my mother had just drug me on the kitchen floor and beat me over a damn strawberry slushie. When she was done I touched my arms, and I had welts all over them all over my body, me being six I couldn’t imagine why this was going on, but little did I know it would only get worst.
A broken feeling then started to take route in my spirit that day because this is the moment that my narc mother started to break me like a glass plate shatters on a hard wooden floor, so did I on that day in 2000,when she beat me for the first of many times. Down a rabbit hole of sheer abuse, terror, and anguish at the hands of a alcoholic mother who over the years I was gonna see her mask eventually slip off. And the toxic scars of abuse that she would not only leave on me but also my three siblings. That brings to mind a quote that I ran across…….
Until Next Time on Tales From Dee, Talk to you Guys later 📤💙