I can’t believe it’s been 2 years on my blog! Praise The Most High God in Heaven!! When I started my blog two years ago I never thought that I would have stuck with it for so long I have grown to love blogging, and telling my story of healing from abuse as a child. It is so funny how much can be accomplished when you decide to put it in the hands of The Most High when you decide to trust Christ and move forward in His will and His Light and love.
I am more than a CONQUEROR! I don’t just say this but I believe it also. Yahweh encourages me so I will encourage you. He loves me so I love you too. Thank you for following my Blog and being apart of this journey may Yah bless you and guide you in Christ name I pray. Amen 🙏🏽
Isaiah 61:3 -To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.
2 Corinthians 7:10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.
Ecclesiasticus 4:21-22 For there is a shame that bringeth sin; and there is a shame which is glory and grace. 21 Accept no person against thy soul, and let not the reverence of any man cause thee to fall.”
Guilt can manifest in many different ways. Guilt is defined as a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, or wrongdoing whether real or imagined. In this blog post I wanted to talk about why victims of abuse feel guilty after abuse in this post I will talk about reasons based off my personal experiences with abuse and trauma. Everyone is different, and we all process life and experiences differently I believe by sharing our outlook, and testimonies we can help others heal and motivate them to seek a meaningful relationship with Yeshua who is the ULTIMATE healer and deliverer. ❤
I recall in my childhood how I always felt guilty. I felt alone. I lacked confidence. I often felt ashamed. Going on four years of no contact I understand all too well the pains, and perils of feeling guilt if a child is not raised in a household that centers around Yahweh’s love and Words then the house will quickly become a den for demons. My guilt arose every time someone asked about my mother, and when I replied that we were estranged they would rise up quickly to dish out their semantics of how “life is too short”, and that “you only get one mother” and the famous line “Honor thy mother and father” people are quick to downplay the abuse that was inflicted and are more than willing to make you feel guilty even though they do not know you, or the abuser that they are taking up for.
Guilt would always come rushing in time, and time again I would let people who didn’t even know me and the horrors that I endured at the hands of my mother dictate how I should view the abusive relationship. Because after all it wasn’t abuse it was “love” that hurt it was “love” that left me in a former shell of myself hating not only myself, but also the abuser who inflicted the pain and torment upon me. As time went on after going no contact and forming my OWN relationship with Yahweh Rapha I had to reprogram the way I saw not only Him, but how I also looked at myself I grew to understand that people are quick to speak on topics that they have little or no knowledge on. As survivors of abuse we have to not let what others say get to us, after all it’s easy to speak on something when you don’t have first hand experience on the issue at hand.
I felt guilty because I left instead of staying. My guilt arose from not sticking it out maybe things were gonna get better surely my mother loved me she just had a demonic way of showing her love for me. Guilty that I wasn’t loved properly. Guilty that I couldn’t make my mother love me. Guilty that I didn’t even have a connection to my mother was something wrong with me? My guilt arose because I didn’t live up to societies standards of family, and how you should stick by them NO MATTER WHAT. My guilt arose because I chose to walk away from all of them rather than stay and keep silent on the suffering that I was experiencing if I would have stayed no doubt I would have been a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. I felt guilty because I didn’t wanna give my abusive mother the worship, and praise that she required of me I chose to give it to Christ My Adonai I felt disconnected from my mother and I felt like I had to work for her love rather than receive it naturally. I looked at her like my enemy rather than the one who nurtured, and cared for me my guilt came when I tried but nothing ever worked I tried to repair a burned bridge, but I felt like in order for that bridge to be built I would have to DIE for it to be repaired.
Jeremiah 12:6 For even thy brethren, and the house of thy father, even they have dealt treacherously with thee; yea, they have called a multitude after thee: believe them not, though they speak fair words unto thee.
My guilt left when I began to understand that Yahweh called me out of my broken family system for a reason. My purpose is to let others know that it is okay to cry, and that Yahweh sees what they have done to you. It is not your fault that you were born into a damaged family, you were only targeted because you are the strongest one in the family system. You are the truth teller, you are the one who will shine light in the midst of the darkness. Your guilt subsides once you take acceptance towards the situation. Accept that the abuse that was afflicted upon you was unnatural. The way the abuser treats you is unnatural (parents are supposed to love children not hurt them, and patronize them). What happened to you shouldn’t have happened, we can’t stay in the past if we are trying to move towards a better future with Christ.
Luke 9:6262Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to theplow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”
Everyone won’t understand, and that’s okay it doesn’t mean that they are bad people they just aren’t part of your tribe. You don’t need no one to validate that harm has been done to you. The Most High KNOWS all and SEES all.It takes a strong person to acknowledge that they had abusive and unloving parents and it takes an even stronger person to bow down before Christ and ask for healing, and deliverance because a situation like this requires Divine Intervention from The Most High God in Heaven.
It’s hurtful when the ones who are supposed to love you the most hurt you the most. It’s confusing, and troubling when the ones who are supposed to nurture you abandon you. Once you let go of false guilt (that comes from the devil) you will have no problem telling your testimony, and you won’t care if people believe you or not. Did I want to leave? No, but 4 years ago I felt that it was the only choice that I had and if I would have stayed would I be the same individual now? I highly doubt it.
Don’t worry Yeshua knows our struggles, and knows what you have been through. Don’t play limitations on His abilities. There is GLORY in your STORY. So tell it, share it, and most importantly bear it.
Ecclesiastes 7:7 Surely oppression maketh a wise man mad; and a gift destroyeth the heart.
Ecclesiastes 7:7 kjv.
Unacknowledged childhood trauma leads to problems in a person’s adulthood if left unchecked and not properly healed. By the time an individual understands that they were raised in toxicity they will either keep the cycle of abuse going (they will go on to abuse their children, coworkers, friends, spouse etc.) or withdraw from themselves taking residence in the sunken place not knowing who they are, or understanding what’s going on around them.
I personally believe (I am speaking from experience) that childhood abuse/trauma damages the way a child sees The Most High God if trauma is left unresolved and not healed this can leave a person feeling inadequate and can cause them to run from God (rather than to Him) fearing that He will abandon and neglect them like their toxic family did.
The Bible says to train up a child in the way that he should go (Proverbs 22:6). What happens when a child is trained up in toxicity? Molded in resentment, and lacking healthy qualities given to them when they are nurtured in a safe environment. The effects can be very detrimental to a individuals growth spiritually, mentally, and emotionally matter of fact, it warps not only how they view themselves but how they also view God. Once the individual gets healthy healing (yes there are unhealthy ways to heal) they will start to understand that love is an action word rather than a word said to use, and abuse a person at will causing confusion and turmoil through means of manipulation, and deception.
As we get older, we need to learn to distance ourselves from those who radiate, or even entertain negativity. The Bible says that those who cause divisions manipulate those who entertain it by smooth talk (manipulation) and flattery (deception) they deceive the hearts of the simple.
Romans 16:17-1817Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them. 18For they that are such serve not our LORD Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple.
A simple-minded person (in this case) is someone who rather “go along to get along”. They are the people in this type of dynamic who cannot understand or grasp the insight that they are being deceived and manipulated. They either participate willingly or they do not understand that their abuser is an ABUSER in my experience they are enablers and will turn on you in order to maintain a false sense of peace.
God is NOT the author of confusion (1 CORINTHIANS 14:33) but of peace. Just know where envying and strife is there is confusion and every evil work (James 3:16) and this can go on ANYWHERE! Toxic environments are riddled with demons and you must know that if your getting attacked or you feel shaken in this environment then The Most High has chosen to call you out of darkness and into His marvelous Light (1 Peter 2:9)
The child that was/is abused must realize that God is not like man better yet that Yahweh’s love does not come with sorrow but we must realize that any godly sorrow will come with repentance (2 CORINTHIANS 7:10) that will lead us to a closer relationship with Abba Yah. Any sorrow from this world leads to death. If someone is giving you love that comes with sorrow then this is NOT LOVE. We must not be afraid to give Yahweh our hearts He alone can heal us, He alone can deliver us, and He alone can redeem us. We must serve Him know that at the end everyone will have to give account of every idle word(Matthew 12:36), and evil deed that they have done to others.
And that is the most beautiful part of this whole story what people fail to realize is that they will give account to their actions they will have to answer to El Shaddai for EVERYTHING they have done. The pain they caused, the lives that they ruined that’s why its best to leave it in God’s hands because after all He did say “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. (Romans 12:19 kjv).
Just Remember Healing is a EVERYDAY THING, not a once in a lifetime event.
Feeling inadequate can be a result of a lot of factors for some it is the type of clothes they wear, the type of house they have, or maybe the type of job title they hold. During early development, a child is learning so much, and during this time a child starts to form an opinion on how they view themselves and others. In fact, feelings of inadequacy can take root during a person’s childhood when a child receives negative messages about themselves indirectly, and directly. These negative messages about themselves can be from parents, teachers, or others whom the child sees as significant.
In my case the feelings of inadequacy weren’t so complex I wish it could have been because of materialistic lack, but I knew that my feelings of lack stemmed from my childhood upbringing. Imagine my horror when I realized that the feelings of inadequacy still followed me into my early and late adult hood. I felt unworthy of God’s love, and attention I changed the image of Yah into my abusive mother and enabling family members. I would cringe at the thought of Him loving me I felt as though I was a burden, maybe I was a mistake? Getting in the way of His will. So many teachings, so many men who I perceived were closer to The Most High more than I could ever be. I could feel myself becoming a bit legalistic scared of Him not love, but a fear that made me feel unworthy to even send Him a prayer.
The Bible is full of people who felt just like me. Inadequate. Moses, Gideon, Jeremiah, Peter the list goes on, and on. I look at Peter, and some of his characteristics remind me of myself matter of fact I look at Luke 5: 8- When Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, Depart from me; for I am a sinful man, O LORD. With a display of supernatural power this gave Peter proof of the Father’s omniscience and omnipotence through The Lord Jesus the Christ. With it comes Peter’s realization of his own inadequacy, which he conveys by falling “down at Jesus’ knees, saying, ‘Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord!‘” Peter realizes that he had been faithless, and just like Peter I myself (and I’m sure you too) can relate to this verse.
Jesus then goes on to tell His newfound disciple to “Fear not; from henceforth thou shalt catch men.”(Luke 5:10 kjv) He affirms Peters and lets him know to fear not and from that moment on he will become a fisher of men, a worker of righteousness. In spite of Peter’s inadequacy God chose him. He looked past his inadequacies and seen Peter’s potential because when God sees us He doesn’t see our inadequacies, but He sees how we are adequate for His plan, and how we can be used for His PURPOSE. Despite our past, despite our failures The Most High sees the untapped potential that is trapped inside of us waiting to get out how does He know it is there? Because HE PUT IT THERE!
In my experience the first step to overcoming feelings of inadequacy is admitting that you are fearful and realizing that you are broken and that you need Yahweh’s healing touch upon your life. Yahweh Rapha the Lord who Heals you, who restores you. What was I fearful of? I was fearful of rejection not just from man but also from The Highest. Apparently, the cuts from my childhood cut me deep so deep that I developed strong feelings of inadequacy I would always feel like I wasn’t good enough condemning myself to hell for any little mistake that I made I caused a lot of pain to not only others but also myself before I realized that I was a product of childhood abuse and trauma.
This is not the last time where we see Jesus telling us to fear not matter of fact Jesus tells us in Matthew 10:31– Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.
We are of so much value to God that we cannot even fathom the things that He has in store for us once we begin this journey. He does not want us feeling inadequate that is why He gives us grace because His power is made perfect in our weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9). Truth is God was never looking for perfect people He is looking for those who will perfect His will, a willing vessel who will go against the grain to walk the narrow path of righteousness. So why feel inadequate? Why feel as though you are not good enough? He knows your condition that’s why you were chosen.
He makes all things new, and when your in Christ you are a new creation besides all have sinned and come short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Not some, but ALL.
Besides, I am realizing that it is not my strength that I need to operate off of but Christ’s strength. I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me, and this includes overcoming my feelings of inadequacy, and throwing away the lies of my childhood and destroying the works of the enemy. I will serve God despite my insecurities and inadequacies truth be told no one is perfect, and I have come to respect the fact that I will never be, but Yahweh loves me even though I am not perfect. This is due to the mercy that He has available to me and His mercy endures forever. He cannot go against His character and I don’t expect Him to because He changes not. Everyday we are learning, and everyday we are changing some for the better and some for the worst at the end of the day it’s up to you to chose sweetness over bitterness.
Thank you for reading! Get past feeling inadequate it doesn’t get you nowhere! May God Bless, keep, and Heal You in Christ Jesus Forever ❤
Observe the circumstances that are happening to you (You must notice that the relationship is abusive and toxic to your health)
Beware of evil (Be Aware of the evil around you. Be cautious and alert of those you surround yourself with KNOW YOUR ENEMIES)
Do not be ashamed if something concerns your soul. (If something worries you; makes you anxious especially if you have a reasonable reason as to why you feel the way you do don’t dismiss those feelings.)
For these is a shame that bringeth sin; and there is a shame which is glory and grace. (A person’s shame can lead them down a path of sin which can turn into varies addictions to mask the pain of the shame that they feel. Or the shame that they feel can lead them to turn to Christ and taking up their cross shedding their old man and going against everything that they were taught.)
Someone who has been abused knows what it’s like to want to run away. Wanting to run away from the toxicity. Wanting to leave the toxic environment to escape the pain that they feel.
In the beginning an individual often runs from the shame of the abuse they suffered. I know I used to run I lived in denial, and I felt that maybe my mother did love me but just in her own “special” way. When you run from shame you will look towards other things to soothe your pain (drugs, alcohol, sex, food etc.)
But when you run towards Yahweh with your shame, He will give you beauty for your ashes. Only He can give you glory and grace working in us and making us a new creature that turns pain into praise because He will never leave us nor forsaken us.
(Isaiah 61:3 – To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.)
And once this happens you will become a living and breathing testimony of deliverance for El Shaddai. Your pain will be transformed into praise. Your pain will become power that can and will be used against your enemies.
That is where the enemy knows the real power of redemption lies in our testimonies of YAHWEHS FAITHFULLNESS AND LOVINGKINDNESS. We are the proof of His love and His healing. Therefore, the enemy aims to keep you shame-faced and downtrodden. Shame can either bring you defeat, or you can use it to your advantage to move forward to have a deeper and loving relationship with The Highest.
The more your around toxic people the less you see El Shaddai’s plan for your life. The less you see His plan for your life the more you lean on outside forces that contribute to you adding more shame to the shame you already feel. Losing sight of your true purpose in this life. What Yah has called you to do.
This is why our Savior told us in John 10:10- The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.
Yahweh wants us to have life, and to have it more abundantly. We must realize that the abuse inflicted on us was not our fault the environment we were in was sick in order for one to properly heal they must leave the environment where they first became sick. Shedding off the old man, and becoming a new creation in Christ.
Asking Christ to be your Lord and Savior takes away the shame of the abuse that was afflicted on you along with the weight and burdens of the pain you feel. Repentance plays a HUGE role in healing. The closer we get to Christ the more that we realize that He alone is our saving grace, and that nothing can separate us from His love and that when our mother and father forsaken us He will take us in. Only Yahweh can turn a broken person whole! Ask me how I know? Listen to my testimony on surviving abuse. Tell me if you can relate. 🙇🏽♀️
I just uploaded another video on Youtube. Come Check it out. I also want to do my first live stream where I talk about the abuse that I survived. I’ll let you all know when I will have my first live stream so that you all can come chat with me.
We are in the End Times. And we have a lack of love during these times, many people have waxed cold due to them not having a fear of the Most High God. They lack understanding, and they simply do not care that His wrath is coming.
What can we do? Be a light that shine amongst the darkness. Don’t let your past change you! Let Yah’s future claim you we are more than conquerors. I have learned that this world is full of darkness, but it’s how you choose to maneuver that gets you through it. Don’t let what others do to you change the way you feel about yourself. At the end of the day you will stand in judgement before El Shaddai not this world this world WON’T last, but His Word LASTES FORVER.
Many people are hollowed out vessels for the enemy. That’s why they can be used at will, and many times you are not even talking to the soul (person) that The Most High created but the demons that are holding the person captive.
I am learning a lot during these times. We must not let the small things sweat us. We MUST go to Christ to understand out true identity in Him and HIM only DO NOT let the world dictate you or captivate you and PLEASE DON’T let it change you.
We are set apart. We are called. We are Chosen. And we are loved more than we can possibly know and NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT FROM US. 🥰🥰🥰
Email me: Divinelydelivered30@gmail.com
Thanks for all of your support. May Christ Keep you and Bless you!
We have to use righteous judgement in whether we should give someone the benefit of the doubt or if we are just tolerating EVIL. Growing up in an abusive household warps our sense of judgement, and makes it difficult in separating good from evil.
Forgiveness of sins should NOT BE CONFUSED with tolerating evil.
You can forgive someone and not engage with that person. There is a proper way to do ALL things.
Start your healing today call on Jesus Christ to heal your broken heart! You do not have to be a VICTIM! BECOME A VICTOR!!!
He is near to those of a broken heart and a contrite spirit. Psalms 34:18
2 Timothy 3:5-7 kjv 5Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.6For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,7Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
I would have to say that 95% of the people in the world are entangled in bitterness. Bitterness is described as anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly i.e resentment. Anger and bitterness goes hand in hand along with unforgiveness, and many other works of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-22) our society is dominated by bitterness, and narcissism is often praised. Society pumps up over sexualization of humans, gossip, rebellion, and toxicity. Women who are bitter are often revered and pushed forth as an example for how women should be, and a lot of these women profess to know Christ but there heart is far from Him. Abusers, backstabbers, and unrighteous we as followers of Christ MUST be able to judge a tree by it’s fruit even though a person may claim to believe in Jesus does the person’s actions follow? ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
The Bible warns that these types of women are silly women who are taken into captivity (weighed down by the burden of their sins) and lead away by evil temptations. Always learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. The Bible tells us to stay away from these types of people. The Book of Proverbs which was written by Solomon a book of perceived truth based on common sense and experience in life talks a lot about these wicked women, and how we as righteous people should avoid them at ALL costs.
In Proverbs 5:6 it tells us that her ways are movable (crooked) she will never be straight up with you because she does not think seriously about the path of life, and thou canst not know them meaning hanging with her you never know where the path leads or what trouble is around the corner. There is always drama, and confusion in her midst she is a roaring lion seeking whom she can devour her feet go to death, and her steps take hold of hell.
The bitter woman always preys on the strong the weak are merely used as pawns to get her will done to help her cultivate her wickedness (flying monkeys ring a bell?). They are intimidated by the confidence that a strong individuals wields, and the beauty that their pure soul radiates. They make it a goal to dominate, disintegrate, and to dissimilate the character of an individual that is walking in the Light the freedom that we display terrifies, and vexes their spirit.
Proverbs 14:1 says ” A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands”
Women like this are normally their own worst enemy , yet they do not know it they tear down their own spouses, children, and friends (if they have any) co workers she then blames them when they get as far away from her as possible, and accountability is nowhere in her actions saying sorry is never on her lips.
She comes across as sweet with her slick manipulations, but in the end she is as bitter as poison and as dangerous as a double-edged sword. ( Proverbs 5:4) The bitter woman cannot be TRUSTED she isn’t even loyal to herself you can tell by her actions, and the words she speaks of others. Histrionic, and cruel. Cold, and disheveled is the bitter woman. She has a form of godliness (religion), but denies His power by the evil works she puts forth.
Gossip is a big hallmark for these bitter women they are always in someone’s business, or fishing for yours. It tells us in the Bible to not be deceived evil communications corrupt good manners. (1 Corinthians 15:33)
By the grace of God, and His GIFT of discernment I can easily spot the signs of a woman who needs deliverance, and those women who are in bondage. Growing up in an abusive household has also given me some leverage. The facial expressions always give them away they barely smile and their expressions is left in a twisted countenance of hatred. They are often times loud, and simple knowing nothing (Proverbs 9:13).
ECCLESIASTICUS 25:17 KJV “The wickedness of a woman changeth her face, and darkeneth her countenance like sackcloth.
God says they are counted as dogs (Ecc 26:25).
A bitter woman marks a woman ruled by disappointment, and defeat. She has ALOT of emotional baggage that must be given to God in order for her to become whole. A broken woman seeks to break others, and they seek to rob others of their peace, joy, and security in the Lord.
Jesus tells us in Mark 12:31 Love your neighbor as yourself. No other commandment is greater than these.
People only treat you, how they treat themselves you shouldn’t be surprised that many people do not love themselves. If they have no love for themselves how can they love another? How can they claim to love Yahweh when they don’t display love to others or themselves? Out of a mans heart flows the issues of life. Jesus shows us a full representation of what love truly is, and He didn’t say it. HE DISPLAYED IT through acts.
So, the next time you run into a bitter woman remember to remain in the Light and to be an example of God’s goodness and display His love to these individuals. Bitter people can’t be happy for you because they are disgusted with themselves. Bitterness is the mark of one who feels that God has “forgotten” them. So pray for them, don’t get ugly with them after all we all were once bitter before Christ redeemed us.
After three years of no contact I can honestly say that I feel the anointing of God’s healing power on me I can stand on my own two feet and I know it’s not my strength but Christ. Three years ago when I first went no contact I had just gotten out of a mental hospital undergoing demonic attacks I felt alone, scared, and I was tired of feeling the pain that came from me having my mother in my life. When I first cut communication it was like my mind was trying so desperately to manipulate me into believing that the abuse never happened, then I would have feelings of regret and loneliness. Instead of me acknowledging and accepting that I was abandoned, and abused by my family I would feel as though I was doing to them the very same things they had done to me. I would reverse it. It’s funny how we as humans can do that, it was like I was detoxing from a drug or coming down from a potent high.
Why do victims feel this way? How come after walking from an abusive situation, they feel the need to go back thinking things will change? The answer lies in our childhood one must acknowledge that the environment they grew up in was unnatural the only thing that would make sense is doing things that make no sense. Narcissistic parents train scapegoated children from a early age to cut ties with their original selves, they then mold them to be the physical manifestation of the pain, and anger that they feel on the inside. When the picked party lashes out at the treatment that’s inflicted on them the whole family stares “in shock”, and amazement. They are the only brave ones willing to fight on the battlefield this causes the narcissistic parent(abuser) to always seek out ways to keep the picked party “in their place” by using mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical abuse measures.
Things the Victim (Victor) should reflect upon while going no contact:
You have been brainwashed into believing that you are the reason why you are being abused and treated unfairly.
To not feel pain after going no contact the victor needs to understand that they need healing and to have successful healing they must leave the toxic environment completely.
If they cannot leave the toxic environment the victor must start renewing their minds with what the Word of God says about them, and who they are. They must also understand that the narcissistic parent is spiritually sick.
Realize that what the abuser says about you doesn’t define you, it just shows that the abuser is intimidated by you.
They will rise because they are HEALED BY GOD, they are victors leading other victims free! CALL ON YAHWEH RAPHA TO HEAL YOU!
FIND YOUR PASSION AFTER THE PAIN OF GOING NO CONTACT!