I can’t believe it’s been 2 years on my blog! Praise The Most High God in Heaven!! When I started my blog two years ago I never thought that I would have stuck with it for so long I have grown to love blogging, and telling my story of healing from abuse as a child. It is so funny how much can be accomplished when you decide to put it in the hands of The Most High when you decide to trust Christ and move forward in His will and His Light and love.
I am more than a CONQUEROR! I don’t just say this but I believe it also. Yahweh encourages me so I will encourage you. He loves me so I love you too. Thank you for following my Blog and being apart of this journey may Yah bless you and guide you in Christ name I pray. Amen 🙏🏽
Isaiah 61:3 -To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.
2 Corinthians 7:10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.
Ecclesiasticus 4:21-22 For there is a shame that bringeth sin; and there is a shame which is glory and grace. 21 Accept no person against thy soul, and let not the reverence of any man cause thee to fall.”
Guilt can manifest in many different ways. Guilt is defined as a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, or wrongdoing whether real or imagined. In this blog post I wanted to talk about why victims of abuse feel guilty after abuse in this post I will talk about reasons based off my personal experiences with abuse and trauma. Everyone is different, and we all process life and experiences differently I believe by sharing our outlook, and testimonies we can help others heal and motivate them to seek a meaningful relationship with Yeshua who is the ULTIMATE healer and deliverer. ❤
I recall in my childhood how I always felt guilty. I felt alone. I lacked confidence. I often felt ashamed. Going on four years of no contact I understand all too well the pains, and perils of feeling guilt if a child is not raised in a household that centers around Yahweh’s love and Words then the house will quickly become a den for demons. My guilt arose every time someone asked about my mother, and when I replied that we were estranged they would rise up quickly to dish out their semantics of how “life is too short”, and that “you only get one mother” and the famous line “Honor thy mother and father” people are quick to downplay the abuse that was inflicted and are more than willing to make you feel guilty even though they do not know you, or the abuser that they are taking up for.
Guilt would always come rushing in time, and time again I would let people who didn’t even know me and the horrors that I endured at the hands of my mother dictate how I should view the abusive relationship. Because after all it wasn’t abuse it was “love” that hurt it was “love” that left me in a former shell of myself hating not only myself, but also the abuser who inflicted the pain and torment upon me. As time went on after going no contact and forming my OWN relationship with Yahweh Rapha I had to reprogram the way I saw not only Him, but how I also looked at myself I grew to understand that people are quick to speak on topics that they have little or no knowledge on. As survivors of abuse we have to not let what others say get to us, after all it’s easy to speak on something when you don’t have first hand experience on the issue at hand.
I felt guilty because I left instead of staying. My guilt arose from not sticking it out maybe things were gonna get better surely my mother loved me she just had a demonic way of showing her love for me. Guilty that I wasn’t loved properly. Guilty that I couldn’t make my mother love me. Guilty that I didn’t even have a connection to my mother was something wrong with me? My guilt arose because I didn’t live up to societies standards of family, and how you should stick by them NO MATTER WHAT. My guilt arose because I chose to walk away from all of them rather than stay and keep silent on the suffering that I was experiencing if I would have stayed no doubt I would have been a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. I felt guilty because I didn’t wanna give my abusive mother the worship, and praise that she required of me I chose to give it to Christ My Adonai I felt disconnected from my mother and I felt like I had to work for her love rather than receive it naturally. I looked at her like my enemy rather than the one who nurtured, and cared for me my guilt came when I tried but nothing ever worked I tried to repair a burned bridge, but I felt like in order for that bridge to be built I would have to DIE for it to be repaired.
Jeremiah 12:6 For even thy brethren, and the house of thy father, even they have dealt treacherously with thee; yea, they have called a multitude after thee: believe them not, though they speak fair words unto thee.
My guilt left when I began to understand that Yahweh called me out of my broken family system for a reason. My purpose is to let others know that it is okay to cry, and that Yahweh sees what they have done to you. It is not your fault that you were born into a damaged family, you were only targeted because you are the strongest one in the family system. You are the truth teller, you are the one who will shine light in the midst of the darkness. Your guilt subsides once you take acceptance towards the situation. Accept that the abuse that was afflicted upon you was unnatural. The way the abuser treats you is unnatural (parents are supposed to love children not hurt them, and patronize them). What happened to you shouldn’t have happened, we can’t stay in the past if we are trying to move towards a better future with Christ.
Luke 9:6262Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to theplow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”
Everyone won’t understand, and that’s okay it doesn’t mean that they are bad people they just aren’t part of your tribe. You don’t need no one to validate that harm has been done to you. The Most High KNOWS all and SEES all.It takes a strong person to acknowledge that they had abusive and unloving parents and it takes an even stronger person to bow down before Christ and ask for healing, and deliverance because a situation like this requires Divine Intervention from The Most High God in Heaven.
It’s hurtful when the ones who are supposed to love you the most hurt you the most. It’s confusing, and troubling when the ones who are supposed to nurture you abandon you. Once you let go of false guilt (that comes from the devil) you will have no problem telling your testimony, and you won’t care if people believe you or not. Did I want to leave? No, but 4 years ago I felt that it was the only choice that I had and if I would have stayed would I be the same individual now? I highly doubt it.
Don’t worry Yeshua knows our struggles, and knows what you have been through. Don’t play limitations on His abilities. There is GLORY in your STORY. So tell it, share it, and most importantly bear it.
Sooo… I ran from a hurricane and landed in the middle of a winter storm. Another lesson for me to see The Most Highs blessings. I haven’t been able to go to work since Sunday and the power has been on and off. Please keep up Texans in your prayers we are indeed in the end of days lots of strange things are happening. Who would have thought that it would be snowing in Texas? Just wanted to give all my followers a quick update on my situation. Stay blessed! May the Most High God bless you all.
It’s cold and raining here but Yahweh will provide!!!
Growing up in an abusive household sometimes can be a blessing or a curse depending on how you look at it. At first I looked at it like a curse but now I look at it as a blessing. In life we have choices and with free will comes a chance to make a difference in one’s life. I’m not perfect, and I never really claimed to be nor do I pretend to be. Growing up like I did I realized that my mother didn’t prepare me for a lot of what the world has to offer.
I’m saying that to say this I wasn’t ready for all the things that this dark world threw at me. I wasn’t prepared for the workplace drama, and the confusion. How they try to silence you for being you. How they slander you. How they rob you. How they add unnecessary stress to you. No I wasn’t prepared it boggles my mind how people are, and how selfish we as humans have become you go to these jobs just for a check but isn’t life more than that?
Didn’t The Most High God put us here for more? We aren’t corporate slaves. Contrary to popular belief the customer isn’t always right. We live in a society where people are so consumed with themselves that they never take the time out to analyze anything. They are quick to try to get someone fired without trying to understand the dynamics behind someone’s behavior.
hmm… I’m getting tired of the fiasco. Tired of the games. Tired of the scrutiny. Just tired of it all. It’s so sad how people are so quick to take someone’s livelihood without losing sleep over it.
I’m done caring what people think. Most people don’t even have balanced scales. The workplace is saturated with demonic activity, and people who are weighed down with demons. Most customers aren’t even humans.
They are aiming to snuff out your LIGHT! They are wise in their approach to you. Be careful and guard your hearts and mind. I’m choosing to trust The Most High in everything no matter how good, or bad it may seem. He will make straight my paths, and that’s all that matters.
We have to use righteous judgement in whether we should give someone the benefit of the doubt or if we are just tolerating EVIL. Growing up in an abusive household warps our sense of judgement, and makes it difficult in separating good from evil.
Forgiveness of sins should NOT BE CONFUSED with tolerating evil.
You can forgive someone and not engage with that person. There is a proper way to do ALL things.
Start your healing today call on Jesus Christ to heal your broken heart! You do not have to be a VICTIM! BECOME A VICTOR!!!
He is near to those of a broken heart and a contrite spirit. Psalms 34:18
During the time I took a break. I was shown the true nature of people who I believed to be genuine. Often times abusers in the family dynamic pick the child who is empathetic, strong-willed, and sincerely pure to inflict their abuse on whether physical or emotional it gives the same damaging results.
This is often the case for strangers in the world also sadly we live in a toxic narcissistic world, and if one doesn’t guard their hearts their light can be consumed.
We as victims of childhood abuse (or shall I say SURVIVORS) need to guard our hearts especially in these end days.
Many people are vessels for darkness, and they are void of the truth of the knowledge of (Yeshua) Jesus Christ. They have a form of godliness, but alas they deny its power by their actions, words, and deeds.
They aim to rob others of their faith because sadly they have NO faith. They seek to steal Light because they have NO Light.
They seek out the empathetic. The strong-willed. The Pure for their own evil motives. They suck energy, and aim to snatch crowns.
Be on the look out for these types of people. They will talk about The Most High God in a way that makes Him appear as a abuser One who abandons His children. When He tells us He will never leave us nor forsaken us.
Be on the LOOKOUT! And stand guard over your Light, and hearts because this world is full of those who seek to abuse and use.
Victims of childhood abuse often deal with feelings of inadequacy, ostracization, and loneliness. Many times people affected from childhood abuse often feel as though they are not worthy of Yah’s love, and attention.
These feelings are merely satan’s tricks to get us to not trust in Yahweh. These lies are used to get us to abandon our faith in our loving Father.
DON’T FALL FOR IT! YAHWEH LOVES US VERY MUCH !!! I’M SPEAKING FROM FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE!! 💖💖🌼🌼🌻