I can’t believe it’s been 2 years on my blog! Praise The Most High God in Heaven!! When I started my blog two years ago I never thought that I would have stuck with it for so long I have grown to love blogging, and telling my story of healing from abuse as a child. It is so funny how much can be accomplished when you decide to put it in the hands of The Most High when you decide to trust Christ and move forward in His will and His Light and love.
I am more than a CONQUEROR! I don’t just say this but I believe it also. Yahweh encourages me so I will encourage you. He loves me so I love you too. Thank you for following my Blog and being apart of this journey may Yah bless you and guide you in Christ name I pray. Amen 🙏🏽
Isaiah 61:3 -To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.
2 Corinthians 7:10 For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.
Ecclesiasticus 4:21-22 For there is a shame that bringeth sin; and there is a shame which is glory and grace. 21 Accept no person against thy soul, and let not the reverence of any man cause thee to fall.”
Guilt can manifest in many different ways. Guilt is defined as a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, or wrongdoing whether real or imagined. In this blog post I wanted to talk about why victims of abuse feel guilty after abuse in this post I will talk about reasons based off my personal experiences with abuse and trauma. Everyone is different, and we all process life and experiences differently I believe by sharing our outlook, and testimonies we can help others heal and motivate them to seek a meaningful relationship with Yeshua who is the ULTIMATE healer and deliverer. ❤
I recall in my childhood how I always felt guilty. I felt alone. I lacked confidence. I often felt ashamed. Going on four years of no contact I understand all too well the pains, and perils of feeling guilt if a child is not raised in a household that centers around Yahweh’s love and Words then the house will quickly become a den for demons. My guilt arose every time someone asked about my mother, and when I replied that we were estranged they would rise up quickly to dish out their semantics of how “life is too short”, and that “you only get one mother” and the famous line “Honor thy mother and father” people are quick to downplay the abuse that was inflicted and are more than willing to make you feel guilty even though they do not know you, or the abuser that they are taking up for.
Guilt would always come rushing in time, and time again I would let people who didn’t even know me and the horrors that I endured at the hands of my mother dictate how I should view the abusive relationship. Because after all it wasn’t abuse it was “love” that hurt it was “love” that left me in a former shell of myself hating not only myself, but also the abuser who inflicted the pain and torment upon me. As time went on after going no contact and forming my OWN relationship with Yahweh Rapha I had to reprogram the way I saw not only Him, but how I also looked at myself I grew to understand that people are quick to speak on topics that they have little or no knowledge on. As survivors of abuse we have to not let what others say get to us, after all it’s easy to speak on something when you don’t have first hand experience on the issue at hand.
I felt guilty because I left instead of staying. My guilt arose from not sticking it out maybe things were gonna get better surely my mother loved me she just had a demonic way of showing her love for me. Guilty that I wasn’t loved properly. Guilty that I couldn’t make my mother love me. Guilty that I didn’t even have a connection to my mother was something wrong with me? My guilt arose because I didn’t live up to societies standards of family, and how you should stick by them NO MATTER WHAT. My guilt arose because I chose to walk away from all of them rather than stay and keep silent on the suffering that I was experiencing if I would have stayed no doubt I would have been a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. I felt guilty because I didn’t wanna give my abusive mother the worship, and praise that she required of me I chose to give it to Christ My Adonai I felt disconnected from my mother and I felt like I had to work for her love rather than receive it naturally. I looked at her like my enemy rather than the one who nurtured, and cared for me my guilt came when I tried but nothing ever worked I tried to repair a burned bridge, but I felt like in order for that bridge to be built I would have to DIE for it to be repaired.
Jeremiah 12:6 For even thy brethren, and the house of thy father, even they have dealt treacherously with thee; yea, they have called a multitude after thee: believe them not, though they speak fair words unto thee.
My guilt left when I began to understand that Yahweh called me out of my broken family system for a reason. My purpose is to let others know that it is okay to cry, and that Yahweh sees what they have done to you. It is not your fault that you were born into a damaged family, you were only targeted because you are the strongest one in the family system. You are the truth teller, you are the one who will shine light in the midst of the darkness. Your guilt subsides once you take acceptance towards the situation. Accept that the abuse that was afflicted upon you was unnatural. The way the abuser treats you is unnatural (parents are supposed to love children not hurt them, and patronize them). What happened to you shouldn’t have happened, we can’t stay in the past if we are trying to move towards a better future with Christ.
Luke 9:6262Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to theplow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”
Everyone won’t understand, and that’s okay it doesn’t mean that they are bad people they just aren’t part of your tribe. You don’t need no one to validate that harm has been done to you. The Most High KNOWS all and SEES all.It takes a strong person to acknowledge that they had abusive and unloving parents and it takes an even stronger person to bow down before Christ and ask for healing, and deliverance because a situation like this requires Divine Intervention from The Most High God in Heaven.
It’s hurtful when the ones who are supposed to love you the most hurt you the most. It’s confusing, and troubling when the ones who are supposed to nurture you abandon you. Once you let go of false guilt (that comes from the devil) you will have no problem telling your testimony, and you won’t care if people believe you or not. Did I want to leave? No, but 4 years ago I felt that it was the only choice that I had and if I would have stayed would I be the same individual now? I highly doubt it.
Don’t worry Yeshua knows our struggles, and knows what you have been through. Don’t play limitations on His abilities. There is GLORY in your STORY. So tell it, share it, and most importantly bear it.
Sooo… I ran from a hurricane and landed in the middle of a winter storm. Another lesson for me to see The Most Highs blessings. I haven’t been able to go to work since Sunday and the power has been on and off. Please keep up Texans in your prayers we are indeed in the end of days lots of strange things are happening. Who would have thought that it would be snowing in Texas? Just wanted to give all my followers a quick update on my situation. Stay blessed! May the Most High God bless you all.
It’s cold and raining here but Yahweh will provide!!!
Ecclesiastes 7:7 Surely oppression maketh a wise man mad; and a gift destroyeth the heart.
Ecclesiastes 7:7 kjv.
Unacknowledged childhood trauma leads to problems in a person’s adulthood if left unchecked and not properly healed. By the time an individual understands that they were raised in toxicity they will either keep the cycle of abuse going (they will go on to abuse their children, coworkers, friends, spouse etc.) or withdraw from themselves taking residence in the sunken place not knowing who they are, or understanding what’s going on around them.
I personally believe (I am speaking from experience) that childhood abuse/trauma damages the way a child sees The Most High God if trauma is left unresolved and not healed this can leave a person feeling inadequate and can cause them to run from God (rather than to Him) fearing that He will abandon and neglect them like their toxic family did.
The Bible says to train up a child in the way that he should go (Proverbs 22:6). What happens when a child is trained up in toxicity? Molded in resentment, and lacking healthy qualities given to them when they are nurtured in a safe environment. The effects can be very detrimental to a individuals growth spiritually, mentally, and emotionally matter of fact, it warps not only how they view themselves but how they also view God. Once the individual gets healthy healing (yes there are unhealthy ways to heal) they will start to understand that love is an action word rather than a word said to use, and abuse a person at will causing confusion and turmoil through means of manipulation, and deception.
As we get older, we need to learn to distance ourselves from those who radiate, or even entertain negativity. The Bible says that those who cause divisions manipulate those who entertain it by smooth talk (manipulation) and flattery (deception) they deceive the hearts of the simple.
Romans 16:17-1817Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them. 18For they that are such serve not our LORD Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple.
A simple-minded person (in this case) is someone who rather “go along to get along”. They are the people in this type of dynamic who cannot understand or grasp the insight that they are being deceived and manipulated. They either participate willingly or they do not understand that their abuser is an ABUSER in my experience they are enablers and will turn on you in order to maintain a false sense of peace.
God is NOT the author of confusion (1 CORINTHIANS 14:33) but of peace. Just know where envying and strife is there is confusion and every evil work (James 3:16) and this can go on ANYWHERE! Toxic environments are riddled with demons and you must know that if your getting attacked or you feel shaken in this environment then The Most High has chosen to call you out of darkness and into His marvelous Light (1 Peter 2:9)
The child that was/is abused must realize that God is not like man better yet that Yahweh’s love does not come with sorrow but we must realize that any godly sorrow will come with repentance (2 CORINTHIANS 7:10) that will lead us to a closer relationship with Abba Yah. Any sorrow from this world leads to death. If someone is giving you love that comes with sorrow then this is NOT LOVE. We must not be afraid to give Yahweh our hearts He alone can heal us, He alone can deliver us, and He alone can redeem us. We must serve Him know that at the end everyone will have to give account of every idle word(Matthew 12:36), and evil deed that they have done to others.
And that is the most beautiful part of this whole story what people fail to realize is that they will give account to their actions they will have to answer to El Shaddai for EVERYTHING they have done. The pain they caused, the lives that they ruined that’s why its best to leave it in God’s hands because after all He did say “Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. (Romans 12:19 kjv).
Just Remember Healing is a EVERYDAY THING, not a once in a lifetime event.
Feeling inadequate can be a result of a lot of factors for some it is the type of clothes they wear, the type of house they have, or maybe the type of job title they hold. During early development, a child is learning so much, and during this time a child starts to form an opinion on how they view themselves and others. In fact, feelings of inadequacy can take root during a person’s childhood when a child receives negative messages about themselves indirectly, and directly. These negative messages about themselves can be from parents, teachers, or others whom the child sees as significant.
In my case the feelings of inadequacy weren’t so complex I wish it could have been because of materialistic lack, but I knew that my feelings of lack stemmed from my childhood upbringing. Imagine my horror when I realized that the feelings of inadequacy still followed me into my early and late adult hood. I felt unworthy of God’s love, and attention I changed the image of Yah into my abusive mother and enabling family members. I would cringe at the thought of Him loving me I felt as though I was a burden, maybe I was a mistake? Getting in the way of His will. So many teachings, so many men who I perceived were closer to The Most High more than I could ever be. I could feel myself becoming a bit legalistic scared of Him not love, but a fear that made me feel unworthy to even send Him a prayer.
The Bible is full of people who felt just like me. Inadequate. Moses, Gideon, Jeremiah, Peter the list goes on, and on. I look at Peter, and some of his characteristics remind me of myself matter of fact I look at Luke 5: 8- When Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, Depart from me; for I am a sinful man, O LORD. With a display of supernatural power this gave Peter proof of the Father’s omniscience and omnipotence through The Lord Jesus the Christ. With it comes Peter’s realization of his own inadequacy, which he conveys by falling “down at Jesus’ knees, saying, ‘Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord!‘” Peter realizes that he had been faithless, and just like Peter I myself (and I’m sure you too) can relate to this verse.
Jesus then goes on to tell His newfound disciple to “Fear not; from henceforth thou shalt catch men.”(Luke 5:10 kjv) He affirms Peters and lets him know to fear not and from that moment on he will become a fisher of men, a worker of righteousness. In spite of Peter’s inadequacy God chose him. He looked past his inadequacies and seen Peter’s potential because when God sees us He doesn’t see our inadequacies, but He sees how we are adequate for His plan, and how we can be used for His PURPOSE. Despite our past, despite our failures The Most High sees the untapped potential that is trapped inside of us waiting to get out how does He know it is there? Because HE PUT IT THERE!
In my experience the first step to overcoming feelings of inadequacy is admitting that you are fearful and realizing that you are broken and that you need Yahweh’s healing touch upon your life. Yahweh Rapha the Lord who Heals you, who restores you. What was I fearful of? I was fearful of rejection not just from man but also from The Highest. Apparently, the cuts from my childhood cut me deep so deep that I developed strong feelings of inadequacy I would always feel like I wasn’t good enough condemning myself to hell for any little mistake that I made I caused a lot of pain to not only others but also myself before I realized that I was a product of childhood abuse and trauma.
This is not the last time where we see Jesus telling us to fear not matter of fact Jesus tells us in Matthew 10:31– Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.
We are of so much value to God that we cannot even fathom the things that He has in store for us once we begin this journey. He does not want us feeling inadequate that is why He gives us grace because His power is made perfect in our weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9). Truth is God was never looking for perfect people He is looking for those who will perfect His will, a willing vessel who will go against the grain to walk the narrow path of righteousness. So why feel inadequate? Why feel as though you are not good enough? He knows your condition that’s why you were chosen.
He makes all things new, and when your in Christ you are a new creation besides all have sinned and come short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Not some, but ALL.
Besides, I am realizing that it is not my strength that I need to operate off of but Christ’s strength. I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me, and this includes overcoming my feelings of inadequacy, and throwing away the lies of my childhood and destroying the works of the enemy. I will serve God despite my insecurities and inadequacies truth be told no one is perfect, and I have come to respect the fact that I will never be, but Yahweh loves me even though I am not perfect. This is due to the mercy that He has available to me and His mercy endures forever. He cannot go against His character and I don’t expect Him to because He changes not. Everyday we are learning, and everyday we are changing some for the better and some for the worst at the end of the day it’s up to you to chose sweetness over bitterness.
Thank you for reading! Get past feeling inadequate it doesn’t get you nowhere! May God Bless, keep, and Heal You in Christ Jesus Forever ❤
Observe the circumstances that are happening to you (You must notice that the relationship is abusive and toxic to your health)
Beware of evil (Be Aware of the evil around you. Be cautious and alert of those you surround yourself with KNOW YOUR ENEMIES)
Do not be ashamed if something concerns your soul. (If something worries you; makes you anxious especially if you have a reasonable reason as to why you feel the way you do don’t dismiss those feelings.)
For these is a shame that bringeth sin; and there is a shame which is glory and grace. (A person’s shame can lead them down a path of sin which can turn into varies addictions to mask the pain of the shame that they feel. Or the shame that they feel can lead them to turn to Christ and taking up their cross shedding their old man and going against everything that they were taught.)
Someone who has been abused knows what it’s like to want to run away. Wanting to run away from the toxicity. Wanting to leave the toxic environment to escape the pain that they feel.
In the beginning an individual often runs from the shame of the abuse they suffered. I know I used to run I lived in denial, and I felt that maybe my mother did love me but just in her own “special” way. When you run from shame you will look towards other things to soothe your pain (drugs, alcohol, sex, food etc.)
But when you run towards Yahweh with your shame, He will give you beauty for your ashes. Only He can give you glory and grace working in us and making us a new creature that turns pain into praise because He will never leave us nor forsaken us.
(Isaiah 61:3 – To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.)
And once this happens you will become a living and breathing testimony of deliverance for El Shaddai. Your pain will be transformed into praise. Your pain will become power that can and will be used against your enemies.
That is where the enemy knows the real power of redemption lies in our testimonies of YAHWEHS FAITHFULLNESS AND LOVINGKINDNESS. We are the proof of His love and His healing. Therefore, the enemy aims to keep you shame-faced and downtrodden. Shame can either bring you defeat, or you can use it to your advantage to move forward to have a deeper and loving relationship with The Highest.
The more your around toxic people the less you see El Shaddai’s plan for your life. The less you see His plan for your life the more you lean on outside forces that contribute to you adding more shame to the shame you already feel. Losing sight of your true purpose in this life. What Yah has called you to do.
This is why our Savior told us in John 10:10- The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.
Yahweh wants us to have life, and to have it more abundantly. We must realize that the abuse inflicted on us was not our fault the environment we were in was sick in order for one to properly heal they must leave the environment where they first became sick. Shedding off the old man, and becoming a new creation in Christ.
Asking Christ to be your Lord and Savior takes away the shame of the abuse that was afflicted on you along with the weight and burdens of the pain you feel. Repentance plays a HUGE role in healing. The closer we get to Christ the more that we realize that He alone is our saving grace, and that nothing can separate us from His love and that when our mother and father forsaken us He will take us in. Only Yahweh can turn a broken person whole! Ask me how I know? Listen to my testimony on surviving abuse. Tell me if you can relate. 🙇🏽♀️
Hello My Beautiful WordPress family I am coming on here to let you all know that 6:00 p.m Central time I will be going live on Youtube Tune in as I talk about when you should cut ties with toxic family (Also Known As) going NO CONTACT. I will tell my testimony, and I will also be using scripture. I can also answer questions is you want to ask me any.
I’ll be talking about what circumstances led me to go no contact, and understanding when it is appropriate for you to cut off toxic family even when it’s those closes to you (mother, father, siblings etc.)
I hope you can tune in 🥰 Thank you all for your encouraging words and support
Paypal: (only if you feel led to): paypal.me/DanYahDedee
You realize they use scripture as a weapon and often MISQUOTE IT to make you submit to their evils. Everything they say and do goes against the Word of God and when you do point this out to them, they take it as your trying to be “holier than thou”, or that you think you are better than them. The Word allows you to see through them and they do not like that. (Example: They are QUICK to throw up the 17-year-old you when you are 32… or they tell you that since you are not honoring them you will die early, but they leave out how parents should not provoke their children to anger)
When you need help you are often ignored, mistreated, or made to feel like a burden you are often the one who gets called upon when others need assistance. Your help is always wanted if not EXPECTED. (Your questions and concerns often get dismissed as useless complaints.)
Dealing with your toxic mother, father, siblings etc. takes more out of you than you can bear you often have a pensive attitude towards them. (Pensive definition- feeling sad while deep in thought) You often question yourself as to why your family treats you so bad, when you really do not do anything that contributes to their abuse questions turn into tears that fall down your face.
When you have approached your family members about the toxicity, and dysfunction they sweep it under the rug, and downplay your concerns they typically take up for the abuser(s) and throw them a pity party to make your feel stupid for even questioning their evil.
The more you think about your childhood, the more you realize that you were set up for failure. Family prized demoralized behavior, and worshipped abuse under the guise of love. You were not taught about real world values to help you succeed as an adult.
When you try to get your life right (Examples: Getting closer to Yahweh, getting off drugs, going to school, eating right and working out, getting married and starting a family etc.) They do all they can to destroy any ounce of positivity in your life it is like they sit back and devise plans to destroy your happiness they frown on you making righteous decisions ESPECIALLY if you are moving into a direction where you will NO LONGER be dependent on them. (Which leads me to number 7)
They want you to be dependent on them so that they can control you, and the moment when you show any ounce of independence instead of being happy for you (like any healthy person would be) they do all they can to destroy your progress. (Examples: telling you that you will fail, cursing you (my mother did this to me), starting fights with you, turning people against you with lies and speculation)
They do not want you to grow, and when you do show signs of growing, they have no problem showing you how jealous and envious they are of you. (All the while making comments about how they are not jealous of you)
As you get older you start to realize that they do not know you at all. They take more from you than they give. Your kindness is often mistaken for weakness, and love is replaced with angst. (Angst- a feeling of anxiety, apprehension, or insecurity.)
They never take accountability for their behavior, they never own up to their mistakes, and they are quick to blame YOU for the pain that they afflicted on you. **WARNING- THIS IS A MANIPULATION TACTIC STRONG WITCHCRAFT. (Example: When I was 17 my mother kicked me out on the street, and I was living in a homeless shelter (that she dropped me off too) she would always tell me that it was my fault that she kicked me out and she had to do it because I was destroying her home, I would then feel bad, and apologize along with blaming myself for being homeless.)