I never really considered how beautiful forgiveness can be, it never crossed my mind because with me being a victim of abuse I could never see how God could make me become a victor and survivor with more to gain from carrying my cross of abuse, neglect, and rejection. I always wanted to see my abuser get their “just deserts”, but what good would come of that? I came to a point in my life that I wanted to mature not only as a person but also with Christ Jesus. I had to really look at myself in the mirror, and examine my own heart, and mind forgiveness is something The Most High God gives me so why not give it to people who done me wrong especially my abusive mother and family members?
I had harbored unforgiveness, and anger in my heart like a dog who hoards dried up bones that he acquires from his owner. When I was a abuse sufferer I always longed to be free, but I never knew in order for me to be free I had to carry my cross of abuse, and pain. Not only carry it but also crucify myself on it, and if I wasn’t willing to get on the cross freely the Most High God would eventually lead me back to a place where I had no other choice but to go on the cross. I found out recently that I had to deny what my flesh desired and that was to see my abusive mother get what she “deserved“, to see the ones who laughed and mocked me get the same treatment they gave me.
The Lord fought me so long on this topic, I wont lie to you I was against it completely until he led me to a verse well a parable, and if you ever have time I suggest you read it one day because honestly I didn’t know this was in the bible.
Its funny I felt like I was justified in carrying around the hatred, and resentment that I had in my heart. I wanted to keep it because a part of me felt comfortable re-singing the same old song over, and over I loved my pity party and I loved being in the middle of the dance floor. It actually became to big of a burden for me to carry around as I went no contact and the Lord gave me ample time and opportunity to think I felt like the baggage of my past became suffocating to me. I’m woman enough to say that it was mandatory for me to forgive them in order for me to go into the next level with Christ in order for me to experience The Most High God in ways that I can ascertain.
One thing that Yahweh-Shalom taught me on this journey of healing, and finding myself and building a closer relationship with Christ is that the best medicine for any abuse survivor is understanding. Understanding not only allows you to have empathy for others, but it also allows you to love and have empathy for your abuser because God has love and empathy for you. Ask Jesus Christ He has the prescription for all the pain, and hurts that you too also experience. 🛐😇
❥ – Thank you for reading. Have a Blessed Day and Forgive it will be the BEST decision you ever made it was the best decision I made and I Praise The Most High God for it. Love Always, Danyah ❥